ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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>Explain that everyone is in shock these days, it's totally all the rage.

Oh, yes, that was it. Amazing that they needed three hundred pages to explain that.

Anyhow, you inform the dead hipster that all the cool kids are in shock nowadays, and he promptly snaps out of it. Then he demands to know where the exit is. You point it out to him, and he thanks you, then turns to leave.

He promptly comes back and informs you that exit is too mainstream. This could take a while to sort out.

You are now Stupid Jerk. You go by the name stupidJerk on the internet. You work for some unknown nefarious entity who requests your aid for vague plans that you don't understand. But hey, he sends you free video games, so what do you care?

The boss just called a few minutes ago to tell you that another of his minions screwed up and lost track of the hipster who's supposed to put something critically important to The Plan up on his blog. But it seems the post is all ready to go on the dead hipster's computer, so all you need to do is hack in and post the thing.

Of course, you're the best hacker on the planet; that's why the boss picked you, after all. But even you aren't quite good enough to hack without a computer, and yours is a mess right now because Pooplord somehow managed to upload a virus to it by pure dumb luck.

Even without that issue, the hipster uses some ridiculously obscure computer that you don't know anything about. It'd take you a whole afternoon to figure it out enough to code a program that'll work right, and that's way too boring. You could be using that time to play video games.

So how are you going to do this?