ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Portland's in Oregon, so all you have to do is convince them you're a hipster.

That's not going to work too well. From what you remember of your Afterlife Law class, hipsters are either rewarded with total oblivion (because eternity is for squares, man) or punished by being thrown into whatever afterlife is most popular at the time. You have no idea what the most popular afterlife is right now, but chances are it's not Oregon.

Say you think you forgot something in Oregon and you have to go back there to pick it up, and it'll just take a minute

You decide that trying to affect the outcome of your afterlife trial is way too complicated, you have no idea what the requirements even are to get into Oregon. So you make up an excuse that you left something there instead.

The judge barks disapprovingly at you, and holds up a form. You take a look at it. Apparently, you made such a request before and that was why you found yourself in a reanimated body in Oregon City. So apparently they figure you should have already gotten whatever it was before, and you don't get a second chance.

Well, that's just great. Time for a new plan.

Time to go on the Oregon Trail.

You'll need some oxen, spare clothes, a covered wagon, a musket, and a lot of ammunition.

You request as evidence two oxen, spare clothes, a covered wagon, a musket, and a large pile of ammunition. The request is granted, and they drag all of it into the courtroom.

Then you hitch the wagon to the oxen, toss everything else in, and run the heck out of there. The puppies chase after you, barking. You get the feeling they won't be too happy if they see you again, but right now, you're more concerned with just getting to Oregon.

You are now a dead hipster. You were bad at being a hipster, so when you were judged, you were thrown into the most popular afterlife as punishment. As it turns out, the most popular afterlife has been Oregon for the last few days.

What are you going to do?