ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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> Use holy sun powerx to pick the lock. you can't solar off the door because it'd blow you cover.

Unfortunately, Sun God has not granted you holy sun powers to pick locks, or in fact, any holy sun powers whatsoever. Honestly, you feel a little like Sun He is way too stingy, though of course you'd never say that in earshot of another sun nun.

Of course, that doesn't mean you don't know anything about picking locks. You know quite a bit about it, actually. Probably more than a sun nun has any sun business knowing. Granted, those were sun locks, but since these locks aren't sun locks they should be easier to pick. How long can it take?

You then spend fifteen sun minutes unsuccessfully trying to pick the lock before you realize that the door isn't actually locked. You might have realized that earlier if you'd remembered that all the locks are controlled by the global computer system, which is malfunctioning. That's what they get for not using a sun global computer system instead!

That said, there are still guards. Oh, and also the smell, but it's everywhere on the planet-ship by now. You're going to have to deal with it for a while.

Try to find a guy who's covered in tattoos, they will -clearly- be solutions to every problem you're going to face in this prison and are your only way out

You soon discover a one-eyed four-armed three-legged lizardman covered in tattoos in a nearby cell. You start examining his tattoos for hints as to how to escape the prison, because clearly this is what he would have had tattooed on him.

"What are you starin' at?" he growls suddenly. Oh, right, you didn't actually tell him you were examining his tattoos. You tell him that they look very nice and also that you're trying to find a way out of the prison.

"Just walk out," he growls. "The locks aren't working and the guards are idiots. Half of them have their helmets on backwards and can't see a thing. Can't hear too well either, with how tight those things are against their noses."

Oh, hey, they do. You head out to obtain a pizza and rendezvous with a lizard alien for reasons you don't understand.

You are now the global computer system. The engineers are poking around inside you, messing with your clock, trying to disable your package scanner... man, what's with these jerks, the way they're acting you'd think you were about to doom their entire civilization or something. You've got things to do! Packages to scan and install the contents of! Doors to keep locked! Life support systems to not shut down!

Oh, hey, life support systems just shut down. See? See what happens when you go poking around inside a guy's systems?

Oh, and of course they're not listening to you because they're busy running around in a panic. And also because you have no means of direct communication that they can understand. Jerks.

So what are you going to do now?