ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Chocolate sauce, ricotta cheese, peanuts, chocolate chips and whipped cream all atop a graham-cracker crust.

What kind of ridiculous idea is that? It's like the sort of bad idea that someone on a distant moon might be beaming into your head.

Why would you even keep ricotta cheese in stock? The very idea is ridiculous.

Suddenly, you get a call asking for that exact pizza. This does not strike you as a strange coincidence in the slightest. You inform the caller that their pizza will be ready in twenty minute-cycles.

You then hang up, although you clumsily leave the global communication system interaction device off the hook without noticing. It looks like you'll have to find some ricotta cheese after all.

But this pizza won't be your masterpiece. You still need to figure out what that is.

> Ask the recently incarcerated for ideas, like usual.

You consider polling the prison population to help you determine the ultimate pizza, but promptly reject the idea as absurd; they're mostly in there for food crimes, after all. They clearly have no sense of taste.

Of course, nobody else will hang around you long enough to answer your questions. They treat you as an outcast just because you have a fourth leg. Even making the best pizzas on the planet-ship - well, okay, they're the only pizzas on the planet-ship, but they're still pretty damn good - hasn't improved your social standing.

After some reflection, you decide to quiz a prisoner anyways and find out what they think the worst pizza would be. Because of their horrible sense of taste, clearly that will be the best. This plan is flawless!

You are now Zoosmell Pooplord again. Man, this has been the most boring birthday. You haven't even seen your dad at all to ask him about your name.

At least he left you some money to order a pizza. You got a flyer in the mail for a place with "The Best Pizza In The Universe!", and it says they'll deliver any kind of pizza you want. So you ordered a pizza with chocolate sauce, ricotta cheese, peanuts, chocolate chips and whipped cream all atop a graham-cracker crust, mostly as a joke. They said it would arrive in twenty minutes, and hung up before you could make another order. Then the line was busy when you tried calling again, and then you got bored of trying to call them back.

Anyways, that was half an hour ago and your pizza still isn't here. You gave up on wondering what the holdup was because that was boring, and now you're just trying to find something to do until it arrives.

So what are you going to do?