ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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People are up in arms about the Moonited States fucking again.

Oh, right. That nutty country on the other side of the Sun Atlantic Ocean that insists this isn't the sun, it's the moon. Never mind that they can't specify which of the sixty or so moons in Sol System they think they live on, or that everything is on fire all the time, nope, they just have to be different from everybody else.

But you honestly don't mind it that much, at least not at times like this when Moon Washington isn't calling you moon-cheese eating surrender moon-monkeys or other ridiculous names like that. Of course, that doesn't stop these dumb sun protests from making their way into the session. You're not even sure what they're actually protesting, they're just holding signs that say "DOWN WITH THE MSMA" and other meaningless slogans. Of course, the Moonited States of Moon America has nothing whatsoever to do with this bill, but that hasn't stopped them. Or any of the other half-dozen protests going on here, absolutely none of which is remotely related to the actual contents of this bill.

The nation's vampires are concerned about the public's attitude towards them, given that they a) wear garlic around their neck all the time, and b) live on the sun, which is harmful to vampires

Take the vampires, for instance. They're always complaining about how they need to wear special sun suits to not burn up in the sunlight, which is really hard when you live on the freaking sun, and about the sun garlic necklaces everyone wears. What does any of this have to do with Sun Lance Armstrong, the Sun Eiffel Tower, sun snail farming, or sun baguettes? Nothing, unless Sun Lance Armstrong is secretly a vampire.

You are now Sun Lance Armstrong and you are secretly a vampire. The Sun French government is trying to take away your Tour De Sun France medals just because you may have used your secret vampire powers and/or illegal sun drugs to win. This is a sun outrage, and you're not going to just take this lying down!

So what the sun hell are you going to do about it?