ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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> Name character: Bill Riff.

You try to enter a name, but you weren't on the naming screen! Regardless, your character seems to be getting generated anyhow.

Wait, what is this? Your character looks like that crappy drawing of a crocodile you made earlier. And all he's doing is standing in a really long line waiting to get a space helmet.

Man, this game is dumb. You can't imagine why your net-acquaintance likes it so much.

Throw the computer out of the window, go do a keg stand at the nearest frat party

You try to shut the game off, but you can't find any options menu. In frustration, you just toss the computer out the window.

You've been too isolated in your young life to know what a "keg stand" or "frat party" is, but whatever they are, they've got to be more interesting than this game. You decide to go out and find one, or at least look for one until you get bored.

You are now Bill Riff. You're pretty sure that wasn't your name a few seconds ago, although you don't remember actually having a name before. All you know is, you're still waiting in line for a space helmet, you need to get to Oregon, and the global computer system is inexplicably malfunctioning. It's as if it suffered from a severe impact, as if a personal computer that metaphorically represented your planet-ship was thoughtlessly hurled out a window.

"PACKAGE SCANNER CALIBRATED. CONTENTS OF ALL UNOPENED PACKAGES WILL BE SCANNED AND INSTALLED IN TWENTY-THREE MINUTE-CYCLES."

Fortunately, it's doing harmless crazy things like scanning packages and installing the contents, as opposed to dangerous crazy things like, oh, you don't know. Dangerous crazy things like scanning the contents of the hazardous package you received which most likely contains the game which will doom your entire civilization.

Wait a minute. It suddenly occurs to you this could be a problem.

And if you don't do something about it in the next twenty-three minute-cycles, the game will be installed and launch itself and your civilization will be doomed.

But then you'd lose your place in line! An equally distressing outcome!

How will you resolve this dilemma?