ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Punch the cat in the face.

You decide to solve this the same way you solve most of your problems: with a punch to the face!

Your fist is now being eaten by your cat. Congratulations.

BELLY RUBS

Mindless violence has failed, much to your surprise. You decide to attempt to comfort the cat instead, and begin rubbing his belly.

He purrs happily, but it doesn't seem to have stopped him; he's already up to his elbow.

Just set its mouth on fire and cut out the middleman.

Well, if your cat is going to eat everything, you may as well get your mission done at the same time. You pull out a lighter and set his mouth on fire.

Your arm is now on fire. Congratulations, you are two steps closer to completing your mission! But you still have a cat eating your arm.

> You're in a hospital! Sedate it!

It suddenly occurs to you that a hospital should have something around to quiet rowdy patients. You see a nearby syringe and grab it, preparing to stick it into the cat. Maybe you can get your arm out before it gets too chewed-up, at least.

But suddenly, some jerk comes in out of nowhere and punches you in the face! You retaliate with a punch of your own.

With the arm being eaten by the cat.

You end up shoving the cat into his mouth, but you manage to release your arm at the same time. You also end up TOTALLY INTENTIONALLY jabbing your assailant with the sedative, you absolutely planned that all along, that's what makes you a top agent yes indeed.

And now you're getting out of here, pelvic thrusting all the way.

You are Zoosmell Pooplord's hat again. The idiot whose head you ended up on just had a cat with its mouth on fire stuffed down his throat, and now he seems to be exhaling fire despite being unconscious. If you weren't a hat, you might consider this scientifically impossible.

But the mystical knowledge you have as a hat allows you to understand this perfectly. You also understand that you have no idea where Zoosmell Pooplord is and for all you know, he could be learning the truth behind his stupid name at this very moment. You'd better find him fast!

What will you do?