ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Couple with the hatrack.

She's a fine lady, she is, but business before pleasure. You've got to take care of this matter first.

Eat the human child.

What? No! That would be a betrayal of everything hats stand for! You can't destroy your human charge!

Even if he does smell delicious... No! Well, maybe just a little bite wouldn't hurt...

Oh, wait. You don't have teeth. You couldn't even do that if you wanted to. Right, new plan.

Get blown away by a sudden gust of air.

What? Don't be silly. If you're separated from your charge, how will you keep him from learning the truth for the rest of this critical day? Plus it's not as if you can control the wind anyhow, that would be ludicrous.

Oh. Wait. While you were considering how silly and frivolous that idea was, you were blown away by a sudden gust of wind. This could be a problem...

Oh. Zoosmell is chasing after you! Perfect! As long as this wind keeps up, you should be able to delay him for hours!

Unless he gives up on you after five minutes. Dammit. Back in your day, a hat meant something to a kid! But no, this stupid kid thinks you're less important than finding out why he had to suffer through thirteen years with a stupid name.

You'd think it was time for a new plan, except you can't do a whole lot on your own. The wind keeps blowing and you fly through an open window and land on some idiot's head.

You are now some idiot. A stupid-looking hat has just blown on your head, but that isn't your main concern.

Your main concern is that you ran over a car on your way to work. Yes, you ran over a car with your bare hands. You don't know how it happened, but you're stuck in the police station until you can explain it.

Oh, and also it's your son's thirteenth birthday, which means you'll have to explain why you gave him that stupid name when he asks. Which he probably will. You're not looking forward to that, either.

And that's without getting into all the problems you're no doubt going to have at work! Your job is pretty terrible, after all.

So what are you going to do?