The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Whatever: Hold a hot dog eating contest.

Whatever decides that it would be really random to hold a hot dog eating contest at a wedding.



After a very confusing process, the still-unconscious Maid of Honor is declared the winner. Somehow.

Nopor Puss: Just walk off and get lost. There would be an incredible point to having a spouse be supportive of you and having a marriage for tax purposes, so if you just get lost and pointlessly avoid all your friends, you should be able to avoid accomplishing anything useful.

You are Nopor Puss again. You decide to wander off so the ceremony can't proceed.



You soon come back to the same clearing despite never walking closer to it. You can't see any reason why this would happen, so you decide not to wonder about it.

Nopor Puss: But make sure to take the bride with you while you're trying to run away from the bride, or else you might accidentally succeed.

It suddenly occurs to you that your attempt to run away would be less successful if you took the bride with you.



In fact, taking this reasoning a step further, if you brought the entire wedding procession with you, they could still continue the wedding and you'd fail to disrupt it.

>Oppose the marriage between Whatever and The Maid Of Honor, arguing that Dr. N Seyn owes you five bucks.

You suddenly stop and make an objection that doesn't make any sense to a wedding that isn't taking place.



You are once again Random. What the heck is with this forest? You made a very meticulous map, and you're sure you weren't circling back, but you ended up back here anyways! And what exactly are these interlopers doing, anyway?



You decide to start invisibly following them. Maybe they'll find a way out of here. It's the best idea you have.

Take the marriage with you, but never let it proceed.

You go back to being Nopor Puss. You have decided to steal the concept of your own marriage and run off. This means, of course, that you're still stealing the wedding party.



Oh hey, you're back here again.

> decide to marry the lake instead.

You pointlessly change your mind and instead of marrying a Nopor Puss who doesn't exist, you announce you're marrying the lake.



The ceremony proceeds. Which means you'll have to find some way to disrupt this ceremony, too!



You are Random again, and you're coming to the conclusion that following these idiots will never get you out of here.

>Nopor Puss: See that shovel? See your head?

...see what I mean?

Oh, a shovel! It would be pointless to hit yourself on the head with it!



And if you're trying to hit your own head with the shovel, it's pointless to throw it at thin air.



Oh, who's this? Whoever he is, you have no reason to believe he's your former bride-to-be, Nopor Puss, so that's what you believe.



You declare that you're marrying Nopor Puss after all and breaking the lake's heart, because that would be pointless.



Of course, now you have to stop this wedding again.

Take the marriage with you, but never let it proceed.

> decide to marry the lake instead.

Combine these and take the lake with you.

As a result of your pointless thought process, you decide to take the lake with you.



You attempt to do this by stuffing it into the vial, which is already full.



And suddenly you're in England. What are you going to do now?

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As usual, other commands are queued up, but feel free to suggest because it will probably be out of context and therefore pointless by the time I actually get to it. I'll catch up sometime, I swear!