The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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If you look down, you'll see a copy of Carl Sagan's "Demon Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark", because it has no reason to be there. Find the section which talks about an invisible, incorporeal, heatless-fire-breathing, floating, soundless dragon. After reading it, said dragon suddenly doesn't exist, just like the other invisible dragons that don't exist! However, since it is also incorporeal and breathes heatless fire, it should easily not destroy the other dragons that also aren't there.

You look down and find the book.



Reading through it - since you have no reason to read while being attacked by invisible dragons - you come to the section about an invisible, incorporeal, heatless-fire-breathing, floating, soundless dragon.



The IIHFBFS Dragon has not entered the battle! It does not destroy the Invisible Dragons, but you believe that it has joined in on their side.

Nopor Puss' turn is over. It is now Nopor Puss' turn.

Summon underpants.

You don't know any spells to summon underpants! So, of course, you waste your next turn trying to cast one.



The Invisible Dragons and IIHFBFS Dragon do not attack, because they do not exist!

It is now Whatever's turn.

Weld self.

That sounds pretty random! Too bad you don't have a blowtorch.



The Nopor Pusses therefore pretend you have welded yourself, because they have no reason to.

It is Nopor Puss' turn again.

Lay down and start applying salt and ketchup on your person. It'd be pointless to be eaten by dragons, and it's even more pointless to make yourself more tasty for dragons that aren't there.

Nopor Puss applies salt and ketchup to Nopor Puss!



However, he has gotten confused and applied them to the other Nopor Puss.



Nopor Puss is disappointed that he has not been eaten by dragons.

Nopor Puss with green hair: Believe that Nopor Puss is a time-displaced copy of you who time-travelled to this location from the future, and therefore already knows everything that will happen for a while, since you have no reason to. Such a person would already know what you're thinking and everything you're going to do, so you must tell yourself to do everything you're planning on doing.

Nopor Puss tells Nopor Puss his pointless plan for getting out of this situation, assuming that the other Nopor Puss already knows it.

This has no effect whatsoever, and therefore both of you regard it as a complete success!

Whatever: Take out your waffle iron and look for a wall outlet so you can make pancakes.

Now that sounds random! Whatever wanders off from the battle that isn't actually happening so he can look for a wall outlet in a forest.



Wait, who's this guy? He looks familiar somehow.

>Play chess with the dragons. Make a chess checkers set out of water.

Ignoring Whatever's exit, Nopor Puss makes a checkers set out of water.



He then challenges the invisible dragons to chess, since he doesn't have a usable chess set.



Some turns later, he loses.



Since nothing was riding on the outcome of the battle, Nopor Puss joins the side of the dragons!



You are now Nopor Puss. You are fighting Nopor Puss. What will you do?