The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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>Apply shoe polish to the (already perfectly shiny) big red round thing on the robot.

You apply shoe polish you don't have to a robot that exploded some time ago in a completely different place, and to a device on it that was already shiny to begin with.

>Wear his labcoat. Since this would be easier if you removed it from his body first, do not do so.

You somehow manage to stuff yourself in Dr. N. Seyn's labcoat while he's still wearing it.

>This is obviously one of the members of your party that you saw with future you! Simply walk away and don't ever go anywhere near this guy ever again in order to cause a paradox.

You suddenly realize that Dr. N. Seyn was with you when your future self met you! If you run away now, you can cause a paradox by not having him in your party!



This is pointlessly difficult to do while wearing his labcoat with him still inside it.

>Alternatively, completely ignore the above statement, it makes too much sense.

Consider it ignored. You remain inside Dr. N. Seyn's labcoat.

Put the Doctor into the nonexistent suits of armor, in the process taking off your own nonexistent suit of armor, leaving you completely naked even though you aren't and wouldn't be even if you did have the suits of armor on in the first place. Act like you're naked anyway.

You decide that it would be pointless to put the doctor in your nonexistent suits of armor.



The end result of this endeavor is that you are still wearing Seyn's labcoat and he is wearing his spare labcoat.



You then pretend to be naked, so you hide behind a tree to keep this game from deserving the Mature rating you're trying to get for it.



And since you're naked, it would be pointless to act like you've still got the doctor stuck in a labcoat with you, so you do that.

> Take salsa dancing lessons.

It suddenly occurs to you that salsa dancing lessons would be of no use in getting out of this labcoat, and actually performing any salsa dancing would be pointlessly difficult. In addition, there are no salsa dancing instructors.



Dr. N. Seyn comments that he is a qualified salsa dancing instructor.



Oh. Well, never mind that idea, then.

Dr. N. Seyn: Ask Nopor Puss why he entered your office if he clearly lacks any medical or scientific problems.

You know why he was brought into your office - it was because he was unconscious and wearing two heavy suits of armor.



You solved that problem with an explosion, just like you solve
everything else.



Although you haven't gotten an answer from him about what actual injuries he had. You're pretty sure that they could be fixed with another explosion, though.

Nopor Puss: Observe a large number of buttons and machines, and refuse to touch any of them.

But there aren't any buttons or machines in this forest! It would be far too easy to refuse to touch any buttons when they aren't there, so you decide to look for some.



And clearly, you're unlikely to find buttons or machines by going deeper into the forest, so that's what you do.

> It's not yesterday anymore.

No, it isn't! You will now act like it's yesterday, because you have no reason to do so.

Nopor Puss: Get treated for every single problem that you don't have.

You describe a wide variety of problems to Dr. N. Seyn, none of which actually affect you in any way.



Then you remember that you're acting like it's yesterday and start describing all the problems you didn't have yesterday instead.

Dr. N Seyn: Misinterpret what problems Nopor Puss is saying.

Dr. N. Seyn gets confused by your descriptions, and ends up thinking the problems you described are exactly the problems that you have.



He concludes that the solution is an explosion, which he would have concluded anyways.

>Play Space Invaders! ...with your eyes closed!

You close your eyes and play Space Invaders on an arcade machine that isn't there. While refusing to touch any buttons or the machine.



Your score would normally be zero under these circumstances, so you think you achieved a record high score and you are very disappointed in yourself.

>Drink whatever is in those test tubes.

These test tubes? The ones back in Dr. N. Seyn's office?



That sounds like an excellent idea! You go even further into the forest to look for them, since you're sure you won't find them there.

>Get the crab

Yes! There's no crab here, so it's pointless to...





Oh. You stand corrected.



The crab attacks!

Doctor: madly fit Nopor Puss with dynamite

You don't even have to do that! Your lab coats are explosive, like everything else you make.



However, a little dynamite to enhance the explosion never hurts.

Nopor Puss: Pointlessly don't explode.

You aren't really sure what's so pointless about not exploding.



The crab grabs you while you consider the question!



Well, that answers that. If you exploded now, you'd destroy the crab!