The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Throw up between the two suits of armour so as to better lubricate.

It is pointlessly difficult to throw up between two suits of armor without getting any vomit inside the inner suit or outside the outer one, so you make the effort to do it. Meanwhile, Whatever seems to be occupying himself with something random.

>Give Whatever a hug.

Moving the armor with a ridiculous amount of difficulty, you manage to give Whatever a hug. He decides that hugging a suit of armor with another suit of armor inside with his sworn rival inside is random, so he hugs you back.

>Go see a doctor. You're not injured or sick, so what would be the point?

You decide that, as you are in perfect health, this is an excellent time to see a doctor.



But wait! If you see an effective doctor, he might give you good advice for leading a healthy lifestyle!



So instead, you make your way to the medical offices of Dr. N. Seyn, Mad Scientist. And by "medical offices" I mean "laboratory".

>you will have to roll around on the ground if you want to move, so you should try to jump inside of the suit

You attempt to jump while inside the suit of armor. Despite the immense weight, you somehow manage to make it off the ground.



However, in the process, you hit your head on the helmet. You fall unconscious.

Start a marathon race with whomever you can get to run it, with some grand prize that you have yet to determine, and some horrible consequence for being in a specific position of the race, especially if it's more than the total number of people in the race. Attempt to reach the finish line with any means possible, but right before crossing it, assume that you ran in the wrong direction and go to the other way. Once you reach this new finish line, take a nap before crossing it. Assume that you have won, and forfeit the prize.

While unconscious, you have an extremely vivid dream in which you set up and enter the Viking Races.



Before the race concludes, however, you awaken to find yourself outside of the armor and in Dr. N. Seyn's office. Whatever is nowhere in sight.



The doctor says that he's pretty sure your problem can be solved with explosions, but he asks you what it is first just to be thorough.

> With the armor greatly limiting your flexibility, attempt to ride dragon statue as though it were a mechanical bull.

There is no dragon statue, and you are no longer in the armor.



So you ignore the doctor's question, and attempt to ride a nonexistent dragon statue like a mechanical bull while having your mobility limited by two suits of armor that you aren't actually wearing.

> Alternately (or subsequently, or both), retrofit the dragon statue to BE a mechanical bull, but then don't use it.

You then attempt to modify the nonexistent dragon statue into a nonexistent mechanical bull.



You do this by throwing various nonexistent items at it, since there's no reason to expect any of them to successfully change it into a mechanical bull.



After a while, you are convinced for no reason whatsoever that you have succeeded, and then pointedly (or pointlessly) do not ride or in any way use the nonexistent mechanical bull, which wouldn't even be an actual mechanical bull if it really existed, which it doesn't.



Dr. N. Seyn gets annoyed at you for not answering his question.



He attacks!



Before you can react, Dr. N. Seyn presses a button.



CrusherBot has joined the battle!

What will you do next?

SpoilerShow

I have more planned, but I figured I might as well get this part of the update out. More to come soon, possibly.