The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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>Whatever: Accidently trigger Icicle Trap

Don't be silly. Why would you do that?



Purposefully triggering an icicle trap is much more random! (And also more pointless, but that doesn't really matter to Whatever.)

>Icicles at the bottom of the screen: Shoot out from the wall

Okay. Wow, those icicles got a lot bigger when that happened.

>One of the icicles: Fly out that window, ricochet off the roof of some random house in the countryside, and begin to orbit planet.

What window? Instead, the icicles just hit walls or rocks and collapse. Although they manage to knock a big block of ice backwards into the freezing cold water, and freeze that head over the inexplicably not-freezing cold fountain.



Unless there was some kind of secret window in that head that lead to the outside, and parts of the icicles that hit it fused together and continued onwards...



But that's ridiculous. Although it is both pointless and random to believe such a thing, so both of you do.

>propose to the lesser paradox beast

Meanwhile, in the "battle" that's still going on, you pop the question.



The Lesser Paradox Beast doesn't swing that way, isn't interested in you anyways, and definitely doesn't accept proposals before you've even had a first date.



In other words, expecting it to agree was completely pointless. Success!

Well, if you pay the fine, that means you will live, so that has quite the purpose. If you don't, you'll probably have to fight the beast, and there would be a purpose to fight him so you don't get killed.

Clearly, the only option is > Pay him...in your own snot.

You reach into your nose to get your offered payment.



Your finger is now stuck up your nose.

CONTINUE TO NOT NOT BOW TO HIS HOLE-NESS. THE MIGHT BLACK HOLE.

SO YEAH.

That's a double negative, which means you would continue to bow to the black hole. But you haven't been, so you can't continue to do so!



Which makes it pointless to try!



The Lesser Paradox Beast informs you that your fine has been increased.

> BBQ

You decide to Burn Bridges Quickly. This is pointless, as there are no bridges in sight, and the low temperature of the ice temple would make it hard for you to burn anything. Excellent!

>WTFBBQ

You decide to Watch Two Fireflies Build Better Quilts. As there are no fireflies in sight, this is also pointless.

>OMGWTFBBQ

You decide to Offensively Mistrust Guys With Tentacles Floating, By Being Quiet. You stew in silence at the Lesser Paradox Beast.

Clearly the answer to the dilemma is to kill the beast with your bare hands, which would be unnecessarily difficult, and then after its dilemma has been averted, pay it after it is dead. This shouldn't cause any problems, since money is weightless and you wouldn't be unburdening itself by doing that.

Yes! This is clearly the most pointless way of doing things.



The Lesser Paradox Beast counters your attack by shocking you. This knocks your finger out of your nose.



Your Point Meter has gone up by 1 as a result of your finger being freed.

realise that doing pointless things makes you happy thus they have a point so every action should increase your point meter

Your happiness is not a sufficiently point-worthy goal to raise the Point Meter. Which is unfortunate, because you'd really like it if the Point Meter went up pointlessly.

>vomit on bagels

You retreat from the battle in order to vomit on bagels. This is probably the stupidest reason ever for stopping a battle, even if it was a pointless battle in the first place.



The Lesser Paradox Beast is disgusted. You hope this doesn't interfere with any danger it might pose to you, especially since you've attacked it.

Promise to pay the Paradox Beast in any amulets you may come across. This is pointless, because he most likely won't accept, and you might end up needing an amulet.

The Lesser Paradox Beast does not accept promises to pay in the future. Especially not from somebody as unreliable as you. Excellent, making the offer was as pointless as you had hoped!

Also, vow to pointlessly assume the next wearable item you come across is cursed, and thus would be pointless to put on, as you also can assume that you can't remove cursed items while they are cursed. So obviously, you need to pointlessly try to take it off. If it does come off, however, pointlessly put it back on.

You keep this in mind for future reference.

Make a cake out of Frozen Bagels for Whatever's party. This is pointless because it is already over. If the cake turns out to be delicious, destroy it, if it does not turn out to be delicious, offer it to the beast as a method of placation. If you cannot make a cake out of the bagels, ask the Beast to do it for you.

You create a Frozen Vomit Bagel-Cake. It's pretty disgusting.



You offer it to the Lesser Paradox Beast.



Wait, what's this? It accepts the cake as payment for your fines!



Then it leaves. The next room is now even less obstructed.



Your Point Meter goes up by 1 due to your fine being paid.