The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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HADOKEN the statch.

You hadoken a dragon statue, on the theory that it might be able to send you back, and so it would be pointless to destroy it. Of course, you can't use this ability in any situation where it would actually be *useful*, that would only raise your Point Meter!



The dragon statue is completely unharmed by the attack. Well, that just made it more pointless!

>Knock on the chest, and determine that it is hollow. Then open it. It's hollow! that would be pointless.

>And don't actually knock on the chest. It would be pointless to do all that if there was stuff in it and you were trying to be pointless.

>So just open the chest.

You aren't sure if this argument convinces you, but then again, recklessly doing things when you aren't fully convinced is pretty pointless.



But the chest is still locked. And you still have no idea where you could possibly find a key to it. You decide to give up, because you're pretty sure you could find a solution if you tried hard enough.

Backflip.

You do a backflip. This causes the key to fall off your head, since you haven't secured it in any way...



And you land on it.
You decide to use the key as a skateboard instead. A skateboard with no wheels, and not particularly good traction.

do a jig

You do a jig on your skateboard key.



Your jig is an elegant piece of artistry, but its true beauty cannot possibly be captured by one simple picture.

ride key like mechanical bull while the key is ridding the chest like a mechanical bull.

You do this. You still haven't got the slightest idea where you could possibly find a key to the chest.

>: Challenge chest to game of magic the gathering. Summon ultimate creature.

The chest doesn't have a deck. You somehow manage to lose to it anyways.

>Ask the statue bellow you for the time of day. If he ignores you, place your keyaxebladehatsurfboard in the magma(you're underground, right?) and attempt to surf on it.

The statue doesn't respond. You pointlessly waste several minutes trying to get a response out of it, when you suddenly realize you could be doing something even more pointless.



You put your key in some magma (it's a skateboard with no wheels, not a surfboard!) and...



Well, that's no good. It seems the key is completely fireproof! You could navigate the entire sea of magma on it! This isn't as pointless as you hoped.



You put your hat back on.

>: Challenge chest to game of magic the gathering. Summon ultimate creature.

First strike and double strike are redundant, as a creature with double strike inherently has first strike as well!

Exactly! It's pointless to have both! Of course, you always lose anyways.

>Eat that rock

That sounds nice and pointless.



Wait... This rock is edible! And pretty tasty, too. This isn't pointless, either!



You begin to suspect that you are in Hell, and your eternal punishment is to be faced with only options that are not completely pointless. What a terrible fate!

>Greet the lybrarian

You're not sure who that is.



Maybe it's that guy over there? You wave to him, but he doesn't notice you. So you keep waving! Then when it looks like he's about to turn around, you stop.

>Check that the lava is Really Lava. Drink it.

It's lava, all right, and it's very hot... but completely safe to drink! Your theory that you are in a Hell of Non-Pointlessness is beginning to look plausible.