The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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SPIN AROUND REALLY FAST!

Your attempt to do this only causes you to fall off the chest. It's not really designed for spinning on top of.

>Use your keyaxebladehat to knock down the right wall.

That sounds quite pointless! And to make it extra pointless, you're going to do this without taking the key off your head.



You run into the wall and the key gets knocked off your head.



You retrieve the key and prepare to run into the wall again. This could take a while.



While you're wasting time doing that, someone runs in and steals the amulet.



After several hours, a passageway opens up. Obviously, you have no intention of going through it, just to make all the work more pointless.

pretend your hat is a gun and shoot the chest1

Ready, aim...



FIRE! Wow, that actually worked! Except, since you always pointlessly reorient the key when you face a different way, the bullet didn't hit the chest at all. But that just makes it more pointless! The shot hits the opposite wall, but has no significant effects.

>Make insults about having Relations with the Statue's Mother Figure.

You make an insult about you being related to the statue's mother. You don't see how that's particularly insulting, especially since it isn't true, but that just makes it more pointless to do in your eyes.



Wait, what's going on?



You drift through a void...



By the looks of things, either the statue destroyed you for your insult and you have gone to Hell to be punished for your sins (and apparently the chest has had a pretty sinful existence too, since it came with you); or, by an amazing coincidence, your insult sounded exactly like the ancient phrase used to activate the statue's teleportation powers, which sent you either to Hell or to some fiery cave.
You decide that neither of these explanations is pointless enough for you, however, and instead conclude that you have gone on a trip to France.

SpoilerShow

I'm going to do the rest of the commands a little later. I just thought being sent to Hell was a good way to end a post. Feel free to give more commands in the meantime.