Duct Tape

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Duct tape your stomach. It is the only way.

You start with the most direct solution: using duct tape instead of milk! You pour some over your cereal and attempt to eat it.

After you stop choking, you decide this may not be the best plan.

Make a duct-tape sticky hand and yoink your neighbor's milk.

Yes! This will do perfectly! You make a long sticky-hand out of duct tape and reach over to your neighbor's house...

And you end up with a jug of orange juice. Then you remember that your neighbor is lactose intolerant. You'll need to try something else.

Make a cow out of duct tape and then milk it.

Of course! Milk comes from cows, so you'll make your own cow!

After painstakingly constructing your duct tape cow, you attempt to milk it. Sadly, this produces nothing.

Duct tape the fridge shut, creating an indeterminate state of milk-have

Using a vague knowledge of quantum physics, you duct tape the fridge shut. Now you both have milk and don't have milk until someone observes the state of the refrigerator!

Unfortunately, you can't quite figure out how to pour the milk you have and don't have on your cereal. Perhaps another approach is in order.

> Create a lasso of duct tape; snag a milkman's van

You decide to snatch some milk from a delivery service. You make a lasso and hop on your duct tape cow, which is obviously able to move on its own, why wouldn't it be? You ride it down the street and lasso some cargo off of a passing truck.

It turns out to be a newspaper. You suddenly remember that nobody on this block gets milk delivered, so the milk truck never stops by. Darn!

> Shoplift a supermarket. Leave a decoy milk carton made out of duct tape.

NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW

Finally, you settle on your plan. You ride your cow to the supermarket and go inside. You create a duct tape milk carton, and switch it with the real thing, then nonchalantly ride your cow outside and head back home.

Halfway there, you hear sirens. Looking behind you, it seems the police are in pursuit.

How will you use duct tape to evade them?