RUGBY WORLD CUP

>It's probably in the neighbor's yard. Check there first.

All right, your first instinct is to look next door, so you're going to do that.

And then you discover that the stadium is right next to the ocean. Funny, you don't remember it being there. Maybe one of those bills you signed without reading involved moving it or something.

Still, next door is the first place to look, so you're heading over there right now!

>'The neighbor' being Oztralia, and 'checking' being with armed forces.

So you're heading over to Oztralia (Australia having been annexed by Oz three weeks ago) and, as it's dangerous territory, you order the army to come with you.

It turns out the army is also the rugby team to save on costs.

So you and the team head over on a boat and are greeted by the Wizard of Oztralia, and also his heavily armed bodyguards. Undeterred, you ask him if he's seen your rugby ball.

"I have," he says. "But if you wish to reclaim it, you must defeat the Wicked Witch of the North-by-Northwest."

Well, that sounds like a lot of work to you. Maybe it would be easier to find another ball?

No problem. You're a turtle, you'll make a great ball. Plus, you're nice and heavy, so you'll be good for practice! Like those weighted warm-up bats in baseball.

The team captain (whose rank is actually Sergeant, but who cares) comments that you'd make a nice practice ball and there wouldn't be any need to go hunting down a witch.

You respectfully disagree and tell the wizard that you're going to hunt the witch down. This, of course, means that doing so is now a matter of National Pride! So the team/army is obligated to help. So there.

The Wizard of Oztralia smiles and grants you and your army passage into his country to hunt down the witch. You disembark and are now in the untamed lands of Oztralia.

So, to sum up:
-You're in Oztralia and have promised its leader that you'll hunt down the Wicked Witch of the North-by-Northwest.
-You still don't have the money to pay the army/rugby team.
-You don't have a rugby ball.
-You haven't even gotten started on robbing a bank.

So what are you going to do now?