Nopor Puss Advice Column

NP, my hands are tired. What can I use to type instead?

Cut your hands off. Then tie the amputated hands to the stumps and use those to type! You won't feel a thing except the intense pain when you cut your hands off and also the frustration of trying to reattach them by yourself and the awkwardness of trying to type with amputated hands.

Dear Nopor Puss,

Can you bring me Paper Mario 3D for christmas?

sincerely, ihsoy

Sure. But first cut your hands off and mail them to me because I don't have any use for them.

Dear Nopor Puss,

<!-- l --><a class="postlink-local" href="https://eagle-time.org/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=103">viewtopic.php?f=9&t=103</a><!-- l -->

I read the entire thing! And then I followed the link near the end and read all of that. There was a link near the end, though, so I read that, too. I'm not done reading the link near the end of that page yet, though.

It was very pertinent to my interests, so I won't thank you for it.

Dear Nopor Puss:

There's this girl I like, and I sort of think she might like me too. You know, if we got to know each other. But she's so pretty and popular, and I think she might already have a boyfriend... What do I do?

With great trepidation,
Frantic in Omaha

Cut off your hands and give them to her. You can say you're offering her your hands in marriage!