Order and Chaos

Impersonate a train so you can get closer without scaring it off

"Choo choo," I say. Milton gives me a judgmental glance.

"I'm trying to make the train think it's among its own kind so it won't panic," I explain.

"I know. I have divine powers, so I know exactly what you're thinking. It's just that the thought process itself makes no sense. For one thing, you don't sound like a train, you sound like a human saying choo choo. Because that's what you are."

"Choo choo!"

"Saying it again won't make it any more convincing."

"That wasn't me, that was the train." I turn around. "Choo choo!" I reply. Milton just shakes his head.

"Of course, when the world itself doesn't make any sense either, what difference does it make," he mutters. I pretend not to hear him, even though he's probably fully aware I can.

Just grab onto it

(what the hell is this adventure it seems amazing)

 As the bright light of the train draws nearer, I grab Milton with one hand and grab the train with the other. Except the train, in this case, is a rather short one-armed man. He's simultaneously holding a flashlight and operating a minecart, which seems to bother Milton for some reason.

"I'm not taking any passengers," he says pointedly. "This is strictly a freight train."

"Where's your freight, then?" I ask.

"I dropped it off, now I'm heading home for the night. What are you doing here, anyways? There's another train nearby, it's dangerous to stay on the tracks."

"That was me," I say proudly. "Doing a very good train impersonation."

"Oh, I thought it just had a broken whistle."

Milton sighs.

"Let's get to the point. We're police and we're commandeering your vehicle. You take us to where she says - " here he glances at me pointedly again " - and we don't give you any further trouble."

"Dang cops," the train grumbles. "Fine, get on."

We hop on the mine cart and the man starts pumping hard.

"So where are we headed? Not that it's going to make much difference until the next junction."

Milton doesn't say anything. Right, this wis up to me. So where do I tell him to go?