Consistency 2

the old razzle-dazzle

You've finally reached the cave of the ancient and wise Razzle-Dazzle. Now at last you can have your important question answered.

But wait. As you step in, you hear a voice calling to you.

"You must complete three trials before I grant you knowledge," it says. "Should you fail any of the trials, your life is forfeit. This is your last chance to turn back."

You pause to consider whether you're willing to risk your life to learn your mother's taco recipe. But it only takes you a moment to realize that of course you are. You have to press on.

So what is the first trial before you?

>A large catapult.

"I'll take a large catapult with that," you tell the cashier. "No fries, though."

"Sure, sure. So that's one Maceburger with a large catapult... will you be paying by cash, credit, debit card, or duel to the death?"

"Duel to the death," you reply. It's the only sensible choice.

"Very well, sir. Which of our fine weapons will you choose for the duel? We currently offer a crossbow, a harpoon, and a battering ram. Please note that we do not offer refunds on duels to the death if you are not satisfied with your meal."

Hmm. You were hoping for a cat-o-nine-tails. This is going to be a much harder choice. Which weapon will you select?

>Teleport.

Right, you discard the Teleport card. You can't see what use the ability to instantly transport to any location of your choice would be on your quest to reach the Golden Palace. No, you're better off with these other cards, which will allow you to make silly faces, sing a children's song, conjure a meal you don't like, ride a bicycle, and tell you the worst possible course of action you could take at any given moment in time.

In fact, you use that last one for guidance, and it tells you that the worst possible action you could take would be discarding the Teleport card. Hmm. Must be broken.

Well, before you can refresh your hand, you'll have to get past the Silver Gates. How can you use your cards to open or otherwise bypass them?

u r georg calling a friend

"U.R. Georg Calling A Friend", you tell your interrogator. She glares at you and kicks you in the shins.

"You really expect me to believe that's your name? Well, whatever. It only matters for telling your home country we've captured you. If you don't want them to release you, that's your problem, not mine."

But that is your name! Gosh, she hasn't believed anything you've told her. She even said the codes to the weapons facility were fake, and she thought you were lying when you explained your country's nine-step plan for world domination. You're trying to be helpful here! What more does she want?

"Now cut the crap and tell me what the thing we found in your backpack does. For real this time."

You already told her that it's one of the batteries to the doomsday device. But since apparently that's not good enough, you guess you'll have to come up with a different answer this time.