Post making contest: easier mode

This is episode #9.

• Trott you would appear to be willfully ignoring the fact you were the aggressor here. You also have -5 happiness and are building a caravansary in your most exposed city. Stop it.
  
• they are fighting with archers, war chariots and basic swords it is 1100AD
  
• oh Trott does not in fact have Construction
  
• IT IS TURN 115 HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE CONSTRUCTION
  
• things Trott cannot possibly have: coliseums, composite bows, crossbows, workshops, aquaducts (unless he's finished tradition) bridges, trebuchets, etc.
  
• Sjin has finally pointed out to Smiffy that roads have upkeep costs but Smiffy's response was to just completely ignore this information
  
• Sjin does not understand what a pincer movement is yet is attempting one anyway. It has three prongs.
  
• TROTT DID NOT ESCORT HIS GREAT GENERAL
  
• "He was sat on a catapult" not exactly
  
• Mark: "He just had a great person sat there." Rythian: "was it an admiral?" HONESTLY IT MAY AS WELL HAVE BEEN
  
• ...was Trott seriously considering engineer-rushing a coliseum?
  
• Sjin: "You don't need to improve El Dorado, do you? It's just there." Sjin when was the last time you improved a natural wonder "Because I can't pillage it" Sjin in order to pillage it you would have to be able to move onto it when was the last time you moved onto a natural wonder
  
• (...as anyone other than Carthage...)
  
• Rythian's politely muffled snigger at this oh my goodness
  
• Smiffy: "I would try to help if I knew where the fuck anyone was other than Sjin and Rythian" THEN EXPLORE WITH SCOUTS OR FRANKLY ANY UNITS OTHER THAN WORKERS
  
• WORKERS ARE NOT EXPLORATORY UNITS
  
• THEY SHOULD NOT BE THAT FAR FROM YOUR BORDERS JESUS CHRIST
  
• ...oh Tom is trying to invade Mark again...
  
• ...he still has horse archers...
  
• ...and I'm worried it might even work?
  
• THIS JUST IN TROTT IS SURPRISED THAT THE GUY WHO WAS AT WAR FOR MOST OF THE FIRST SESSION HAS MORE THAN FOUR UNITS
  
• Smiffy no no no connected city borders do not constitute city connections no no no I understand the confusion given the lingo but no no no
  
• oh Sjin's given up already
  
• Trott: "HOW DO I PLAY THIS GAME?"
  
• Tom: "Geez, horse archers don't take down these swordsmen very quickly" HORSE ARCHERS ARE IRRELEVANT
  
• oh wow Rythian is gonna build the Leaning Tower uncontested
  
• also there are more islands than I was expecting I didn't think this was NQMap
  
• pfft Smiffy doesn't understand unit vision
  
• nor does he grasp the concept that maybe hills might get in the way of things
  
• NOR HAS HE REALISED HE NEEDS TO SET UP FOR RANGED ATTACK fuck me it's game grumps all over again
  
• RYTHIAN IS THE FIRST PLAYER TO GET A BEAKER COUNT HIGHER THAN THE TURN NUMBER HE IS GOING TO WIN THIS GAME
  
• Smiffy is spending 16 turns to research Industrialisation
  
• SJIN HAS OPENED EXPLORATION
  
• FULL TRADITION, THREE POINTS IN HONOUR, SHALL I FINISH IT OFF? MAYBE RATIONALISM (Sjin hovered over it for a good twenty seconds) NOPE LET'S GO EXPLORATION
  
• I mean exploration is a strong tree in the mod BUT FOR COASTAL EMPIRES THAT WANT TO SETTLE MORE CITIES IN THE MID TO LATE GAME NOT THE FUCKING MONGOLIANS
  
• ...why did Mark plop another citadel to conquer Nekker that was entirely unnecessary the city's defence was shit anyway
  
• TOM HAS JUST DISCOVERED THAT CONNECTING ROADS BETWEEN YOUR CITIES GIVES YOU GOLD
  
• THIS IS NOT TOM'S FIRST GAME OF CIV ON THE CHANNEL
  
• Trott please fuck up Mark's sole melee unit in the region it would help
  
• I am glad that Rythian has built some kasbahs you scarcely ever see them
  
• (BECAUSE THEY'RE SHIT REALLY SITUATIONAL)
  
• So Sjin has plopped a KHAN DOWN AS A CITADEL TO GET COTTON FROM RAGUSA WHEN HE ALREADY HAD COTTON
  
• DO YOU REALISE WHAT A KHAN IS SJIN
  
• Smiffy you can use the diplomacy overview to see how much gold per turn people are making
  
• Smiffy: "I think the road network might not be doing me many favours" ...
  
• Trott: "look how threatening I am!" you have a trebuchet
  
• Rythian please do not automate your workers pleeeeeeaaaaaase
  
• Mark: "well now I can't select units again" CITY BOMBARD CURSOR
  
• THIS KEEPS HAPPENING
  
• IT IS THE THIRD TIME
  
• RIGHT FUCKING CLICK
  
• I am surprised it was Trott who founded the World Congress I thought it would be Rythian

tl;dr - +cc Rythian gg

End of message.

I'm going to say that this passes rule 3.

Hints, since this round has taken a while:
-All my judgement posts pass rule 5.
-There is a theme to the rules, which shouldn't be too hard to work out from my various comments on posts being "close to" whatever rule.