The Adventurer's Battle (Round One: Room 1-0A)

Nopor Puss had made his selections. He snapped his fingers, and they all appeared in front of him, frozen in place.

"Hello!" he said to the confused assembly before him. "I'm..."

He paused. There was no reason to take a pretentious title, he reasoned, and so he would. And as he thought about it, he ralized there was even less reason to take a title somebody else was already using.

"I'm the Composer, and I've decided to enter you all in a battle to the death for absolutely no reason. Surprise! Before I send you off to fight each other, though, introductions are in order."

As Nopor Puss brought up a spotlight on the first competitor, an entire train, it occurred to him that he had no reason to offer completely inaccurate descriptions of the combatants.

"This is the Trainbot 6000. It can transform into a robot powerful enough to lift a train! And also fly off with it. It also has degrees in literature and medicine, and leads the heroic Autobots in their battle against the evil Decepticons."

The spotlight then moved over to a large four-armed creature with four eyes and numerous tentacles. It seemed to be female.

"And this is Sadie! She works at the grocery store down the street. She dreams of becoming a famous dancer, and so she trains every day. She also enjoys flower arranging and long walks on the beach."

The spotlight then moved over to a strange green stick figure.

"And this is Man-Man! He was bitten by a radioactive man, giving him all the powers of a man. He fights crime and doesn't have much luck with the ladies. He can also leap tall buildings in a single bound, and is a world champion chess player."

The spotlight shifted to a tall, slim woman with dark red hair tied in a ponytail.

"And here we have Princess Jormungand! Or rather, a clone of her. The original sold her soul to a demon to get out of a room, and this clone was trying to save her. She collects spoons, and her favorite food is apple pie."

The next combatant to be singled out was another woman, wearing a torn white T-Shirt and grey cargo pants. She had electric blue hair, and a similarly-colored guitar, attached to an amplifier strapped to her back.

"Next we have Queen Elizabeth of England! As the first female ruler of her country, she's had to get tough to survive in a man's world. That's why she has a black belt in Aikido and always carries at least six dozen knives on her person. The psychic powers don't hurt, either."

The spotlight then moved over to a female robot, with a round blue head floating over her mechanical body.

"And our next contestant is Lucifer, the Lord of Hell! Cast out of the heavens for rebelling against the Almighty Lord, he now has dominion over the damned. He specializes in ice magic and swordplay."

The spotlight then lit up a ghostly woman in a purple robe. She floated there, with no legs.

"Next, we have Amatsu Kogari! This mighty sumo wrestler has all the great strength you'd expect with that muscular bulk, but he also has the power to change his entire body into water!"

The spotlight then shifted to the final combatant, a zombified wolf with two flaming tails.

"And last, but not least, Eximo Pulvis! This undead vacuum cleaner may look unassuming, but he's actually won a battle like this one already. Be careful!"

The spotlight vanished, and the room lit up.

"And that's all of you! So it's time for me to send you off to the first exciting location for this battle: Room 1-0A of the Hotel Fitzgerald! This is the site of the Winter 2010 MSPAFA Awards, whatever those are, so hopefully you'll have a good time while trying to kill each other."

There was a flash of light, and the contestants were gone.

They then found themselves all awkwardly squeezed together in a broom closet.

Meanwhile, Nopor Puss mused to himself how pointless it was not to put any sort of barriers or anything preventing the combatants from leaving the arena he'd sent them to.

SpoilerShow

This is where I got the idea.

So yes, all of you, including the Prison Express, are squeezed into a tiny broom closet. But there's nothing actually keeping you in there, so I expect you to spread out into the hotel itself soon enough.

And as I'm sure you all remember, the Winter 2010 awards did not actually take place here. You can feel free to have some other big event going on, though... perhaps even more than one!