Zoostuck 3

deliver my mail

You do have a lot of mail to deliver, and this whole lunar/solar takeover has made it hard to tell which address belongs to which person. So you may as well take this opportunity to delegate, considering these guys are a big part of the reason the addresses are such a mess.

You tell a bunch of soldiers to deliver mail for you, but it turns out there are a lot more soldiers than you thought and before you know it you've run out of mail bags but you still have a lot of soldiers waiting for orders.

lick stamps, eternally.

So you just tell them to lick stamps. Mostly this is to keep them busy.


What? No, you'd never order such a thing. That would be a breach of the trust the public grants you as a postman.

But, uh, it seems the soldiers didn't take the oath so they're opening the mail and delivering you reports about the contents.

Well, you're not dealing with this. So you just tell about a third of the soldiers you've got pointlessly licking stamps to read the reports instead. Whatever laws they're breaking are their problem, not yours.

You are now a soldier who has been assigned to deliver mail. You've got a letter that's supposed to go to someone in Denmark, but it's just labelled "Mark".

How are you going to figure out who to give it to?