Zoostuck 3

unlace your shoes with your teeth then jimmy the handcuffs open with your anglets

You attempt to bend down and bite off your shoelaces, but moments after you awkwardly get your head into position, you remember that you wear velcro shoes! You're going to need another approach.

Chew off your hands to escape the handcuffs

Maybe it's all the blood rushing to your head, but you start thinking that the handcuffs couldn't restrain you if you bit your wrists off. So you attempt to and OW OW OW OW OW THAT HURTS SO MUCH!

And then you hear some footsteps because you got the officer's attention with that noise. What's worse, your fake beard has fallen to the floor!

Wait. That gives you an idea.

wriggle the mop thing off of your head and scream for the policeman, claiming that some criminal pulled the ol' handcuff hooser whatsit on you and left you wrongly imprisoned.

You carefully pull yourself up. Without your clever disguise, the officer will think you're a completely different person! You inform him that you were on your way to this party in Porlock you'd just heard about when some criminal trapped you in this car and somehow switched his handcuffs onto you! You have no idea how this criminal was so wily, or so handsome, but you'd be more than willing to help the officer track him down. You just need these handcuffs taken off so you can be a bit more helpful.

But just as you finish your very convincing plea for help, there's an explosion. The officer runs off to investigate it, leaving you stuck here.

You are now whoever was responsible for that explosion. Who are you, and what did you do?