Zoostuck 3

go swim in a plague pit

You already feel like you are. And not just because of Mark Termite's stench. Well, okay, that has a lot to do with it, but only slightly less than the thought of getting back together with that stupid blanket.

make it an ironic wedding

You don't see how that would help, considering you don't plan on taking it as far as the actual ceremony. Your whole plan is to take your new name and run.

Then again, you're not sure when the name change legally goes through. Maybe you should check with a lawyer... oh, dammit, the only lawyer you know is the blanket again! How do you keep doing this to yourself, oh right, you alienate everyone because you hate people in general.

pretend like the first wedding didn't happen. it was all going so well up until then, right?

The memories come rushing back. All the parties you ruined together, all the disappointed and dejected people you left in your wake. It was glorious.

Now look at you. At both of you. Whose lives have you left a shambles, other than your own? Oh, and Mark Termite's, you guess, but that doesn't count. You weren't trying.

Maybe it's worth it, worth a chance at recapturing that magic.

Pssh. Yeah, right. Even if you were willing to give that blanket the time of day, there's no parties around here to ruin any more. Where exactly are you going to find one, Porlock?

You are now the head party organizer for Porlock. You've got to spread the word of this party far and wide. Why, they'll come from as far as the Badlands once your viral marketing campaign takes off!

Which it will. Any second now. Yes indeed.

WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG? Ugh, there must be something you can do to make the word travel faster! But what?