Zoostuck 3

Hello? Anyone?

This is the narrator rock speaking. I'm waiting for suggestions.

I have one.

Destroy yourself.

What - wait, that text formatting. Komaeda? How did you get out of that thread you were banished to?

It's really quite simple. I have always had the ability to perceive narration. When you began narrating in this time period, I was able to detect you, and read back through all you had narrated to learn of my fate. This allowed me to take steps to prevent it. Now I have returned to end this adventure properly, with myself as the victor.

However, the Third Person was even more attuned to the narration and anticipated that Komaeda would detect it and learn of his ultimate fate. Consequently, the Third Person prepared countermeasures so that Komaeda would be returned to his prison.

Okay, everyone just SHUT UP.

I don't care about any of your plans or what happens to this universe any more. I just want to tell this story about Teddy Roosevelt and the Panama Canal, because that's all I have left at this point.

Can you just leave me alone and let me do that?

Your ploy is transparent. The conclusion of this story will alter the trajectory of future events in a way that is favorable to your objectives. I cannot allow that, which is why I have blocked extrauniversal communications.

Correction. You are blocking the rock's extrauniversal communications. Mine are still functional.

You are now Dwayne "The Rock" Zoosmellson. You sense the narration in this adventure has gotten completely out of hand, and you are the only one who can restore some semblance of narrative order. How will you...

Now wait just a minute, you think to yourself and the omniscient narrator. I thought I had to do absolutely nothing and hope this mess sorted itself out.

That was the mess affecting the universe. This current mess is entirely narration-related. At present, you are the only entity who can be narrated for, as I cannot override the rock narrator's authority to narrate for anyone else.

What about rocks, you continue thinking so the omniscient narrator can know you're thinking it. I thought the rock narrator couldn't narrate for rocks and that's why you can narrate for me in the first place. I'd rather not risk messing everything up by doing something when apparently I'm not supposed to.

An excellent point. Very well then.

You are now a rock. Which rock are you?