Zoostuck 3

The president works in the District of Columbia, so obviously Columbian ownership is your ownership. How is this even a problem?

If you were more creative, you might note the subtle difference between Colombia and Columbia and be able to extrapolate from that to realize that this is a terrible idea.

However, since you're less creative than Jogh Edgebert you go along with this, and are promptly tossed out on your ear when the owners recognize you. It looks like you'll need to get uncreative in a different way.

with more gunboats, duh

obviously it has columbia in its name, which is bad, so you should liberate it from the rude nationalist forces controlling it to make way for free enterprise, by selling off the facilities to the highest US bidder and giving Colombia a paltry renumeration that you force them to accept at the point of a gunboat

it's all so simple you wonder why you even asked

And that way is violence! Specifically with gunboats.

Except wouldn't you know it, you forgot to bring the gunboats here. You knew you were forgetting something. You'd send a carrier pigeon back to Washington asking for one, but you already sent your only carrier pigeon off to gather people who know Spinjitsu like you do.

Maybe if there were some way to conduct violence without gunboats, like a powerful martial art you were skilled in, you could come up with an alternative. But devising such a method would require creativity you don't have. So how are you going to handle this?