Zoostuck 3

One should think it would be a good moment for the entrance of the Fourth Person.

The Third Person rejects this nonsensical suggestion. "One" is merely a generic third-person perspective, not a fourth-person...

POW!

One is now the Fourth Person. One has used their deep connection to the stupidity of the universe to redefine one's narrative role. One is now manifesting that stupidity in physical form in order to defeat the Third Person.

Impossible! The Pooplord child has no capacity to ascend to a narrative construct! This wasn't foreshadowed at all!

BAM!

One should never assume that any event is too stupid for this story.

You are now Zoosmell Egbert.

Zoosmell Pooplord, who you utterly despise, has somehow gained fourth-person narration powers and is beating up a giant bat with third-person narration powers. This change in his status has released the narration lock upon him and transferred it to you. Your newly-acquired Moonglasses make you aware of this.

Your goal remains unchanged: to bring this universe in line with the vision of the greatest webcomic artist of all time. However, in order to accomplish this you're going to have to do something about all of these narrative entities, because they are simply getting in the way of the real story.

How will you accomplish this?