Zoostuck 3

Detective Spider?

That's right, you're the spider detective... wait a minute, you were in the last adventure. When did you make an appearance in this one?

Oh. You were the one reading the newspaper, which also somehow mentioned the spinjitsu tournament... wait a minute, the tournament didn't come into existence until after the newspaper was published.

Oh. When the tournament came into being, it altered reality so that it was on the page you were reading at that moment. That makes sense considering your apparent awareness of shifts to reality... wait, where did you get that?

Oh. You found a hat in a mansion beyond space and time and it protected you from losing your memories to shifts in reality. That all seems to check out.

Now that you're done reviewing things you know for the benefit of a purely hypothetical less-omniscient-than-it-thought-it-was narrator, you're going to enter this tournament even though you have no martial arts training at all. But you do have the power to shoot lightning, apparently. You also used to have a really amazing computer but you left it behind when you went to that mansion beyond space and time, except it somehow turned up there instead.

Oh hey, it's turned up again. You weren't expecting that. Well, you can use this opportunity to research this "spinjitsu" thing before the tournament.

You are now Zoosmell Pooplord. The stupid tournament you somehow summoned into existence seems to finally be getting started. You're not entering it because you don't know any martial arts at all.

So what are you doing instead?