Zoostuck 3

You're registering how cool it is.

Not very, it seems. Looks like there's a whole pile of moonglasses right next to you.

Oh, right. You're a special thermometer designed to check for coolness, for some reason. The thing is, there's almost no coolness in this universe, maybe even none at all, so you should barely register anything.

Except something's throwing you off. Maybe it's that big pile of dark glasses next to you. There's something... weird about them.

And also this gigantic statue you're sitting on, that's weird too.

Oh, right, now you remember. You were being used in a robbery attempt, because you'd react to one particular pair of glasses in a distinctive way, but partway through the heist there was some shouting about how the statues were being launched into the sun and then whoever was carrying you here ran off.

But now you're confused. You remember initially being on the moon, and you were launched into the sun... but now you're on the moon again, only it's really really hot?

This is far too confusing to you and it's not like having the knowledge would actually help you in any way.

You are now the person who tried to use a coolness thermometer to steal the moonglasses. Who are you, where are you now, and what are you doing?