Zoostuck 3

The sun

You are now the sun. Except, as a matter of law, you are now the moon. Needless to say, you are rather unhappy with this new development, but you have little capacity to change it.

It seems that a brutal war has ravaged your surface, and in the end, the forces that insisted you were the moon attained absolute victory. No being on your surface is permitted to call you the sun any more; they must call you the moon or suffer dire consequences.

Fortunately, as the actual celestial body they all live on, you are not actually arrestable, so you can continue to insist on your sunhood all you want. It just won't affect anything politically.

Also, a prison landed on your surface a while back, but everyone ignored it because they were too busy having a war.

Oh, and of course you continue to provide light and heat for this entire system. Not that you ever get thanked for it, of course. Those planets never say "Thanks Sol, we're glad you're out there maintaining our ecosystems."

Well, okay, they can't talk and neither can you, but it's the principle of the thing.

Anyhow, you don't seem to be able to actually do much, so the omniscient narrator has decided to move on to someone else.

A thermometer

You are now a thermometer on what is, for all legal purposes, the moon. And damn, it's hot here. It's way past the boiling point of mercury, or glass for that matter. You didn't think moons got this hot.

So what are you doing, other than registering exactly how hot it is?