Zoostuck 3

The sports section.

Oh, right, sports! Those are nice and mindless and should keep your thoughts off of the ever-shifting nature of the universe.

Well, let's see. In football, the Madden Winners beat the Losers, the Failures, the Rejects, and the Guys Johnsmell Madden Doesn't Like. Again. For months now, every sports match has been a victory for Johnsmell Madden's team because he controls the universe. Also, the only sport in existence is football.

Well, what should you look at next?

Every section except the editorials.

Yes, that sounds good. In fact, you think you'll check those sections several times. You start with the Business section, where you see that once again Johnsmell Madden has made lots of money and everyone else has lost it. Actually, you wonder if anyone else even has any money left at this point.

You are now the head of the Universal Mint. Ever since Johnsmell Madden took control of the universe, all the money you print has gone directly to him. You've tried explaining that this will have severe consequences on the economy, but he just yelled at you to shut up and give him more money. Which, of course, you did. You don't know why he even wants the money considering he gets everything he wants for free.

But it's hitting a crisis point. You've got to find some way to get money flowing again soon if you're going to avoid a total economic collapse. But how are you going to do that without angering Johnsmell Madden?