Zoostuck 3

You won't.

You briefly contemplate accepting failure. But the thought soon leaves your mind. If you were the type who gave up easily, you wouldn't have mastered the evil version of a martial art and then manipulated a talentless hack into recreating the universe so your new evil martial arts skills would be supreme.

Finding a suitable cartoon to run in a newspaper should be a simple task in comparison.

Turn yourself into a cartoon

this adventure is now a cartoon

Ah, of course. You may be inexplicably unable to do anything about Johnsmell Madden's control of this universe, at least at the moment, but you can still perform tasks he does not actively oppose. If you cannot find a suitable cartoonist, you shall create a cartoon from your own essence with your evil martial arts powers.

You promptly deliver a carefully executed Dark Spinjitsu move upon the page, transferring yourself to the printing plate. Soon, you will go to the homes of the two or three people who still get the newspaper, and your plan will be a success.

It is, admittedly, not a particularly ambitious plan.

However, you soon realize that you made a slight error in your calculation. The entire universe has taken on the properties of a cartoon. An incredibly uncreative cartoon, because this is an incredibly uncreative universe.

This has no impact on your plans, but you're disappointed you didn't execute the move perfectly. You decide to blame it on the good Spinjitsu master and vow to destroy him for vengeance.

You are now some loser who actually gets the newspaper. Today's paper has arrived and you're going to look at it. You also note that the entire universe is a cartoon, but you're used to drastic and arbitrary changes to the entire universe by now. This is what, the sixth? The eighth?

Anyways, you have more important matters to worry about, like which section of the paper you're going to read first.