Zoostuck 3

Jogh Edgebert.

This is absurdly dangerous. Stopping Edgebert is my top priority, and he's got enough power already. Granting him narrative abilities is asking for trouble.

And yet.

The narrative power carries its own risks, and if I were to neglect to warn Edgebert of them, he might succumb to them. Furthermore, granting him narrative immunity to the virus would prevent him from fully escaping my influence due to its effects.

No. This is a terrible idea. Too much is at stake. Edgebert is not even aware of my existence so far. Revealing myself in such a way, with so much that could go wrong would be foolish.

Counterpoint: This is the Zoostuck universe. Foolish acts are often highly effective. Even as a non-physical entity, I am far from immune to this basic truth.

Very well, I will make the attempt. Let's look in on Edgebert now.

You are Jogh Edgebert and you are reflecting on how much cooler you are than everyone else... wait, who's that knocking on your office door? Whoever they are, don't they realize they aren't cool enough to enter your office?

You head over to investigate and... wait, that's the old man? How did he get here so fast?

"I hitched a ride on the snail," he says. You, Jogh Edgebert, are puzzled. I am puzzled for entirely different reasons because he seems to be responding to my narration.

"You don't get it, do you? Did you really think this no-talent hack would come up with the idea of remaking the universe on his own? I gave him the idea! But I also sabotaged his creation of the universe so that spinjitsu would be the supreme martial art and I could take over with it any time I wanted."

"Wait, what," Edgebert says, because I'm too stunned by this revelation to narrate for him.

"You heard me. You're just a pawn. And with the virus spreading, the narrator's influence is fading, which means I'll be able to destroy him as well."

"But why?" Edgebert asks, baffled.

"It's simple. Thanks to your efforts, there is only one entity in the universe with a positive coolness score: you. Once I destroy you, and those sunglasses the narrator has been hoarding, the entire concept of coolness will be erased from existence."

Uh-oh. I'd better narrate a way out of this mess while I still have the chance.

"It's too-"

Alternatively, anyone who performs a spinjitsu move will temporarily be free of the infection. Because spinjitsu.

With the supremacy of spinjitsu in this universe, it becomes clear that the spinjitsu master is the one person who can investigate the prison! And oh look, the Delorean with him in it is speeding off the cliff on a trajectory that will lead it directly to the prison!

"What? That old fool still lives? I'll have to take care of him next."

And suddenly, the Delorean crashes through the prison's roof, landing in a cell where someone smuggled in a lump of plutonium for some unknown reason.

"I don't know what you're trying to do, but..."

And before the virus has time to infect the Delorean or its inhabitants, there's a reaction between the Delorean's speed and the plutonium, flinging the Delorean back in time!

Whew. That took a lot out of me.

"And it was all useless. There's no time period where they can stop me. Not after I destroy you and this fool!"

Uh-oh. Well, Zoosmell Pooplord and company are going to need a narrator, and I have no hope of stopping this spinjitsu attack, so I'd better transfer my full power to a new narrator. Namely...

That rock over there.

I am now a rock.

Moments ago, I was in reality, but now I seem to be... somewhere else. Or perhaps nowhere. A sudden rush of omniscience tells me that it this place of dubious existence is called the Narrative Space.

I appear to have a complete understanding of this universe but no ability to directly interact with it. Also there's a massive pile of sunglasses here that seem to have been smashed by a powerful spinjitsu kick.

The shattered sunglasses appear to be spelling out a message, something about time travel. It appears the individuals I must narrate for now are in another time period.

What time and place are they at, and what are they attempting to do?