Zoostuck 3

stoop down, extinguish the snail's fire with your tongue

You figure that snail just needs a little saliva to clear up those flames, so you carefully lean down and WHOA NELLY THAT IS SOME HOT FIRE HOT HOT HOT HOT, okay, okay, you've managed to put out your tongue, the snail is still on fire, it's time to deal with this in a calm and reasonable manner.

WHACK IT WITH THE CANE

(in the manner of the ancient and venerable spinjitsu move)

TAKE THAT YOU STUPID FIRE THIS IS FOR YOUR TONGUE BACK IN YOUR DAY FIRES TREATED THEIR ELDERS WITH RESPECT.

Now, an uninformed observer might expect your cane to catch fire. But you are not merely striking in anger, but using the highly advanced and forbidden Spinjitsu art of Dancing In The Flames. Too bad there was no such art for your tongue, but oh well.

Unfortunately, the advanced and forbidden Spinjitsu art of Dancing In The Flames is only good for not being set on fire, rather than actually putting the fires out, and so this does little to alleviate your rage.

Extinguish the fire with a boring war story.

So you decide to tell this fire what fires used to be like back in the war, ensuring it puts itself out in shame. You remember it like it was yesterday, walking ten miles through the snow to slaughter your enemies by the thousand with the arts banned by the Spinjitsu masters, uphill both ways, and it was on fire the whole time. And every time, you lost to that goody-two shoes in the end.

And dagnabbit, you liked it. Except for the losing. Could've done without that.

The fire seems to have bored itself out of existence. You can't remember why you were doing this, but no doubt it serves your nefarious plans.

You are now the Spinjitsu master, and you are deeply disturbed.

You have felt the dark Spinjitsu arts of your greatest enemy, who you were quite sure you defeated once and for all decades ago, though now that you actually think about it you can't remember any actual final confrontation.

Regardless, this makes your dilemma all the more urgent. Even with the skills you were preparing to pass on, your apprentice is not yet ready to face a foe like this. And if you stop to deal with this menace, how will you guide these two on their journey?

Oh, also some stupid kid pulled up in a Delorean and flung you, the lizard alien, and the stupid kid who looks just like him into the back. You should probably deal with that in some way, too.

So what are you going to do about all of these various problems?