Zoostuck 3

make a delicious crushed ice-based drink that will leave the monkey with enough brainfreeze to null their latent telepathy

You already did that. Unfortunately, the monkey hasn't taken a drink of it yet! And if he takes too long, it won't stay cold.

You'll need to somehow get the monkey interested in drinking your ice-cold concoction, and that's rather difficult when you're just a blender.

Turn on

You're already on! That's how you made the drink. Theoretically, you could turn on and off again, but you don't see how that would do any good.

Procreate

It suddenly occurs to you that if you reproduced, you could get your offspring to figure out how to get the monkey to take a drink. However, as far as you can tell you lack the parts for that. You're just a blender! How would you do that?

Tear yourself into quarters

There are a few problems with that. The primary one being that you're pretty sure you won't have each section of you grow into a new blender, so that wouldn't help you procreate.

Honestly, you're more concerned with the whole self-preservation thing than with how many pieces you get torn into. Besides which, you don't really have the means to disassemble yourself, you're just a blender.

You're pretty much at the mercy of fate as to whether that monkey takes a drink or not before the mixture loses its potency.

You are now Fate.

For some reason, you have to decide whether a monkey's going to take a drink in the next five minutes. This is an incredibly stupid decision, like most of the decisions you've had to make since the universe was last rewritten, and you just don't want to deal with it.

So how are you going to settle this so you can move onto the next decision, which will probably be even stupider?