Zoostuck 3

You're going to crush all the sunglasses you can find with a single steamroller.

Ah, of course. It will take you a while to get to Zoomelt Pumpbrain or whatever his name is, but as there's no danger of him reaching even a remotely threatening level of coolness, the risk is acceptable. Your only concern is preventing anyone else from following his example.

You promptly get on your steamroller and search for sunglasses. You find a discarded pair just lying around outside your grand throne room, and promptly run over them...

Oh. They're unharmed. You really should have plagiarized more physics from the last universe. It seems that the rules you ended up using for this universe have rendered all sunglasses immune to all forms of crushing force.

It appears your ingenious plan to remake the universe according to your own will had a minor flaw. In the previous universe, you had a total understanding of everything which allowed you to manipulate events as necessary. Yet, in this universe, all the laws were devised by you, and you are tremendously uncreative. You are so uncreative that you do not even understand the full depths of your own lack of creativity. It seems that, in order to secure your place as supreme master of this universe, you will need to understand it as well as you understood the previous one.

Damn it. You never could have imagined that running your own universe could be this difficult. But then again, you never were very creative.

You are now the one being with a full understanding of this new universe. Who are you and what are you doing?