Zoostuck 3

at the bottom of the ocean

Where the sun does not shine.

That's not very helpful! Your neighborhood is already at the deepest part of the Marianas Trench. Of course, you have no trouble breathing because the universe was constructed by someone who was far too uncreative to develop the mechanisms by which humans can either asphyxiate or drown. Not that you actually know this, because as an entity within this universe, you only know about its own highly uncreative physical laws.

Anyways, the point is, you're already at the bottom of the ocean where the sun doesn't shine, so it would be pretty hard for you to find sunglasses anywhere else. Honestly, it's not like you're just going to stumble over them...

Oh, wait, you did. Well, you put them on. Your Coolness stat goes up by 3, bringing you all the way up to -65532.

Wow, you'd forgotten just how low your Coolness stat went. You'd avoided looking at your status screen for years specifically to forget that. You think you actually feel worse, despite the marginal increase in Coolness.

You are now Jogh Edgebert, the coolest person in the universe. That's because you specifically created the universe in such a way that you would be the coolest and most creative and generally all-around best entity in it.

However, because you're not very cool or creative, and obviously not creative enough to redefine those concepts so that you're the best at them, you've just made everyone else in the universe less cool than you. Since your Coolness stat is at 1 even with all your coolness-boosting equipment, this means you live in an objectively very uncool universe, but you don't care about that.

What you do care about is that the most uncool person in the universe, whose name you can't even be bothered to remember because it's that uncool, has just had an increase to their abysmal Coolness stat. This worries you greatly. This could potentially have a cascading effect leading other people to increase their Coolness, until somebody manages to top your Coolness rating. And because of the highly uncreative way in which you set up this universe, that would make that person its new supreme ruler, completely ruining your plans.

Fortunately, despite your total lack of creativity, you are still a master schemer and able to manipulate minor events towards your desired outcome. So what will you be doing to counteract this minimal, but real, threat to your power?