I'll answer your questions

Do you think you can get the keys back from me? I swallowed them.

is the cage the current owner of the fifth key

Not anymore! More on that... later

What if offer my hands as tribute?

You cannot offer what you can't even produce! Your hands are gone in every instance you need them

now, shrek three on the other hand, that was garbage

shrek four saved it

THIS ISN'T A QUESTION, for stating opinions, you have been given the Junior Opinion Ribbon. This will denote you as being HUMAN.

What's "being an ogre" a metaphor for, given the plot of Shreks 1 and 2 as viewed from a modern socio-political context?

It just means doin y'r own thing and hanging out 'n a swamp with all your buds

How many roads must a man walk down?

As many as it takes to get to Rome

What stats does Gerald have? Particularly its ATK. Same for the cage, but I'd like to know DEF of that one. Any special abilities they might have that I need to be aware of?

Gerald is... no longer with us...

How can you not know who Max is? Have you no shame?

Thanks to a head injury! I have a little shame.

shrek 2 review

What a thoughtful review! A careful analysis! humorous in places, but not heinously so. It was as though I was watching the movie again for the first time.

Your review has silenced Gerald... forever



AND NOW!!! You are in possession of THE 5TH KEY! THE KEY OF JON HAMM

Show Content

Spoiler

AAAAND NOOOW!!!! because all the keys have been found, the MASTER CHEST has APPEARED!

Show Content

Spoiler

And now... I would bestow upon you Keys 1 and 4, that Slorange stole... but apparently he's swallowed them.

Someone must find some way to get those keys from Slorange, or the chest may remain shut... forever...

I cut Slorange open, as the opening of the Master Chest was publicly known as beneficial for my publicly-stated ambitions of helping a majority survive. Eating the keys is an obstructive act and he has forfeited the right to whatever protection I may have conferred once I acquire the contents of the Master Chest.

Do the authorities take issue with this course of action?

Additionally, because you seem to kick off festivities just as I'm retiring for the night: what time zone/ecozone are you in, goblin's?

I cut Slorange open, as the opening of the Master Chest was publicly known as beneficial for my publicly-stated ambitions of helping a majority survive. Eating the keys is an obstructive act and he has forfeited the right to whatever protection I may have conferred once I acquire the contents of the Master Chest.

Do the authorities take issue with this course of action?

The authorities do not! Slorange has been gutted, the keys retrieved.

Additionally, because you seem to kick off festivities just as I'm retiring for the night: what time zone/ecozone are you in, goblin's?

Pacific Standard Time!

ANd NOW the festivities BEGIN!

You, SCHAZER, have OPENED THE MASTER CHEST:

Inside are TWO MYSTICAL ITEMS, crafted by SHE WHO IS PERFECT, the GOBLIN.

Behold your prizes:

Show Content

Spoiler

I imagine you might have some.. questions?

But did I need to offer up my hands at the time? I was just asking

Are y-you that inSENSITIVE?

Show Content

Spoiler

Show Content

Spoiler

Does that jar have Staph bacteria in it?

Schazer, will you trade your Bad Cones Item for my "Power" "Tool"?

What's yellow and dangerous?

Schazer will not.

Were the contents of the Master Chest made in anticipation of That Which Is Scheduled To Destroy All, or were they simply pre-existent things which could serve a use in the above situation?

Who locked the MYSTICAL ITEMS in the Master Chest, and were you (goblin's) acting against their interest in distributing the keys?

Why did the goblin abandon you?

Can I have/steal the Party Staph? It looks fun.

Can I stab and reclaim my goods from anyone who tries to steal my hard-earned crap?

...Can I retract my previous question?

Can I eat the Party Staph so I can have a party with all the Staph that would probably be infecting me? I would pretty much be saving Schazer from a disease, right?

But did I need to offer up my hands at the time? I was just asking

Are y-you that inSENSITIVE?

Show Content

Spoiler

Show Content

Spoiler

For bringing anime into a sacred place, you have been further cursed. Your hands were unreal before, but now...

Now you will be forced to wear these gloves, which will never fall off your hands whether or not they exist. She has made them for you. You must accept them or you will be cast out.

Behold: The Anime Gloves

Show Content

Spoiler

Does that jar have Staph bacteria in it?

Yes.. But also magic

What's yellow and dangerous?

A madman in a yellow coat

Were the contents of the Master Chest made in anticipation of That Which Is Scheduled To Destroy All, or were they simply pre-existent things which could serve a use in the above situation?

Who locked the MYSTICAL ITEMS in the Master Chest, and were you (goblin's) acting against their interest in distributing the keys?

The contents of the Master Chest are items crafted by the goblin herself... She is beautiful, and thus the objects she makes are beautiful as well. They were made as weapons to be used in the Coming Destruction. You will find them useful, and you may begin to test their properties as soon as you like, provided you ask the right questions.

I locked the items in the chest, and I am always acting in the best interest of She Who Revels in Chaos.

Why did the goblin abandon you?

A question founded on a lie! I am never abandoned.

Can I have/steal the Party Staph? It looks fun.

You may not have it. I imagine if you had the right item or power, you could try to steal the Party Staph... it is a legendary weapon.

Can I stab and reclaim my goods from anyone who tries to steal my hard-earned crap?

You may only use the items you now possess. For the sake of keeping things tidy, after you used the 5 keys on the master chest, all 6 objects disappeared. Only Fogel's copy of the 3rd key still exists.

...Can I retract my previous question?

No. You've made a powerful enemy in Schazer. You best hope she is feeling cooperative.

Can I eat the Party Staph so I can have a party with all the Staph that would probably be infecting me? I would pretty much be saving Schazer from a disease, right?

Not you specifically, but maybe someone could eat the Party Staph.. You would only be saving Schazer from the foul enchantment my Mistress has cursed the bandage with.

Is there anything I can do with my copy of one of five keys to a chest that no longer exists?

Have you stopped beating your wife yet?

What is the most likely "use" of a "power" "tool"?

Are goblin's?

Is there anything I can do with my copy of one of five keys to a chest that no longer exists?

Oh yes. We are reasonable people, we will use all parts of this stupid adventure. Hold on to every little thing, you will never know when it may be useful again.

the goblin has taken over my house and is holding the laundry hostage, can I get a refund on unused clothes if I have taken off the tag?

Just staple the tags back on, problem solv

Have you stopped beating your wife yet?

What is the most likely "use" of a "power" "tool"?

I willn't start!

If I had to guess, based purely on the design of the "power" "tool".. you could possibly smash it open to unleash a torrent of dark force that could be used to some effect. Or it might do something completely unexpected.. I didn't make it, I only gave it to you.

Are goblin's?

Hell yeah

<sub>are you the type of goblin who enjoys outdoor (terranean) or indoor (lair) activities more

and what kinds of lair or terranean activities</sub>

I ain't no goblin, but I still prefer lair activities. Lair activities such as brooding, crafting and being miserable.

My turn to ask everyone a question:
What are you least afraid of?

lizards

okay thats not true gila monsters are pretty crazy

marshmallows?

nah i guess i could choke on them

um. air molecules. final answer.

FREE, RADICAL AIR MOLECULES

AT LEAST I'M AFRAID OF SOMETHING REASONABLE

does my humanity bestow any BONUS abilities? what if i want to multiclass?

drinking blood from the skulls of my enemies

I'm not afraid of jelly