Shank A Bitch 3 Day Six: The Handsman Cometh (10/71 Alive)

All is well.

Except CPI is still aliveish and we still haven't fixed that.

Let's Shank: ChocoPI

Firstly, I took my vote off Crowstone and put it on CPI two pages ago. Could the mod please change the votals to reflect this. Shank: Chocolate Pi. Sorry 'bout that Crowstone.

Now! On to the drinks!

MAKE ME A DRINK THAT IS AS POWERFUL AS ME WHILE I UPGRADE MY MECH.

Coming right up! Mixing a drink as powerful as your ego and as tasty as your ambition. Mix: Warlord's Punch

Warlord's Punch

30ml Dark Rum
15ml Creme de Banana
15ml Blackberry Brandy
30ml Bartender's Secret
Splash of Grenadine
Splash of Lime Juice
Orange Juice

Combine all ingredients except Orange Juice in a Highball Glass with ice.
Stir, top with orange juice and serve.

Niall, surprise me with one of the best drinks you've got. I'm in a good mood.

Best is subjective, but I'm glad you've requested a surprise. I give you, the Pousse Cafe! Mix: Pousse Cafe

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Pousse Cafe

15ml each of the following:
Bartender's Secret
Grenadine
Creme de Cassis
Blue Curacao
Yellow Chartreuse
Green Chartreuse
Brandy

Layer each liquid in a fluted glass in sequential order by pouring it over the back of a spoon to keep the layers separate. Light the top layer of brandy on fire. Inform patron that they should blow out the flame before attempting to consume this cocktail. Seriously, Google "flaming shot fails" if you don't believe me, I'm not messing around here, OK?
Serve.

*ding* *ding* *ding*

wow dang
Niall what is the sweetest drink you know how to make
and i mean literally sweetest not metaphorically
hit me w/ one of those

Apparently we're shanking a zombie who runs a forum I don't go to? I can get behind that. It's not nearly as important as settling this whale rivalry, of course.

Shank: Chocolate Pi.

Niall, I'm a teetotaler. What have you got in the non-alcoholic department?

(Assuming I didn't just end the day due to mysterious reasons.)

We're assuming that pi's zombie resistance isn't gonna tank the lynch right?

We're assuming that pi's zombie resistance isn't gonna tank the lynch right?

Actually we're gonna science it out with knives

Shank: PI

♪_Takes More Than 5 to Shank_♪

Chocolate Pi - 24 (bigro, Pharmacy, Coldblooded, Palamedes, speedchuck, Truegreen, Phish, Chwoka, Sruixan, Pharas, cyber95, Plaid, Schazer, amosmyn, Granolaman, yd12k, SupahKiven, anacreon, Demonsul, Deviant One, Whimbrel, Niall, Dragon Fogel, Acionyx)
Granolaman - 4 (TehPilot, Crowstone, Sai, Gnauga)
"The Quartet's Pianist" - 1 (Antisequitur)
Mikeee - 1 (Not The Author)
Solaris - 1 (konec0)
bigro - 1 (Chocolate Pi)
Prime Intellect - 1 (Scoffles)
Sai - 1 (LegendaryQ)
"Mirdini" - 1 (makerofthegames)

Abstaining - 12 (Solaris, Akumu, AgentBlue, Seedy, Sanzh, Prime Intellect, Dalmationer, x1372, Breadpocalypse, beruru, Mikeee, Loather)

With 47 bitches alive it takes 24 bitches to groupshank. Day Three ends in ~92 hours at 6:00 PM EST on Friday, August 1st.

HOLD FOR SHANKINGS

Day Three Interruption: Breaching Dimensions

It seems Chocolate Pi’s fate was sealed the moment he rose from the grave. The room’s mood has soured despite Speedchuck’s best efforts to keep things calm, and as chants of ‘SHANK THE ZOMBIE’ grow in volume Chocolate Pi is slowly backed into a corner.
DISTANT WHALE NOISES
For a moment it seems something might stop the mob, some divine force intervene and keep him from a swift re-death. Then the angry shankers close in, knives out, and it’s all over.

Chocolate Pi was a ZOMBIE SHANKER.

The bloodthirsty mob shanks Chocolate Pi to pieces, but being a zombie there’s very little blood to be had. It’s obvious that such a measly sacrifice just won’t do for the whole day; not to mention the fact that it’s not even noon yet. So the bitches sheathe their shanking implements and start to sit back down for a few more rounds to help decide who’s next on the groupshanking list.

Which is when—of course—divine intervention does decide to strike.

A dimensional portal from which EERIE WHALESONG echoes without end breaches through the front of the hotel. This WHALEDIRGE slowly tunes itself up to a more mortal pitch, and it's soon recognizable as the speech of the ELDER WHALES, HERALDS OF CETACEA.

PHARMACY.

DRAGON FOGEL.

THE TIME HAS COME. WHALE HONOR DEMANDS YOUR ATTENDANCE.

The two accept without delay, rushing into the WHALE DIMENSION for their fated confrontation. Most other shankers, paralyzed by the power of the WHALEDIRGE, can do nothing but watch.

Artcred Seedy!

It’s WHALE DUEL: BATTLE ROYALE: THE ADVENTURE!

Battles are a grand tradition in the WHALE DIMENSION, and each one is an astounding display of finesse, comurage, and seivvy. Legends are born in every clash of whale battlers, with their tales being sung by whales across the cosmos for aeons.

Of course, what actually goes on in the WHALE DIMENSION no-one but the participating battlers and the Elder Whales know, and the Elder Whales squat in the Dimension permanently so they're certainly not telling. Each time a battle occurs only a few certain facts about the belugshed escape by virtue of the Elder’s minkesterious whispers.

What this means is that the real battle, like in any war, is for (WHALE) HEARTS AND MINDS.

The best way to win those? The post-battle press conference. Obviously.

Narwhalfare correspondents will be jockeying for details on what exactly went down, and participants who return from the WHALE DIMENSION alive have a chance to orcastrait the coverage in their favor.

In other words: PORPOGANDA. Each whale battler’s true test comes in how they portray the details of the battle to the cetacean public such that their telling wins out as the right whale tale.

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WHALE DUEL RULES

1. Any other players feeling up to competing in the Whale Duel BATTLE ROYALE have 24 (real-time) hours to leap into the portal and join in. Be warned that failing to produce (an actual spirited effort at) PORPOGANDA once the Whale Duel has ended will result in your irreversible death.

2. Once all contestants are assembled, the Whale Duel begins and runs throughout the following 24 hours. While all the whale battlers are busy fighting it out any non-contestant players, dead or alive, may (by acting as conduits for the ELDER WHALE’S WHISPERS) submit TWO (or more) FACTS about the battle currently taking place through their Quicktopics.

The FACTS should be short, interesting, and leave some room open for interpretation – so no, “Pharmacy won” is not a valid submission. “Pharmacy commanded a fleet of Laser Orcas” is. General facts are also fine – “The final clash between [x] and [x] took place at [insert whale dimension location here]” and suchlike. Not all facts will pass into canon, the more entertaining/implementable your fact is the higher the chance it will be used!

3. Once the Whale Duel has ended, you contestants will emerge from your battle beaten, bruised and victorious – every one of you. Or so you say. To prove that you’re the REAL winners you’ll have to create a piece of propaganda to trumpet your victory, based on three or four submitted FACTS that I’ll route your way. The deadline for this phase is variable, but it’ll fall at the start of Day 4 at the earliest.

4. When all the contestants have told me they’ve got their hype ready to go, I’ll post them in the thread at which point every non-contestant player can anonymously vote on whose WHALE TALE they find most convincing by private messaging me on the forum.

Whoever ends up winning the most hearts and minds will be crowned the TRUE WHALE DUEL CHAMPION, and receive all the rewards, acclaim and whale loyalty that entails.

Further Clarifications

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While the Whale Portal yawns wide across the entrance to the lobby, beckoning towards any foolish shankers that think themselves powerful enough to brave it, the bar remains unaffected and Speedchuck launches into yet another jazzy number. Minds turn back to the matter at hand: with Chocolate Pi’s shanking so unfulfilling, who’s next on the menu.

With 46 players alive it takes 24 votes to groupshank. Deadline is in 75 hours at 6:00 PM EST on Friday, August 1st.

mirdini
waht
the
fuck

Oh, and Deviant One got shanked in all the commotion.

Ouch!

ok i left for a bit to recover from whatever this is but i re-iterate, mirdini what the fuck man, how many layers are on this, what are you, im just so

I feel like there are severe repercussions for entering the Whale Duel and losing...

shiggity diggity SHANK: Granolaman

Are contestants in the Whale Duel eligible for groupshank?

what happens if there's more players then facts?

Well I assume that people would get the same facts, with certain facts appearing more often based on how entertaining they are.

Right now the only thing stopping me from entering the WHALE DIMENSION to participate is the fact that I believe this battle should be between Fogel and Pharmacy (and no others) - plus having like 20 people producing propoganda and whatnot sounds like it will be a pain to read through and deal with votes for.

I AM JUMPING INTO THE PORTAL.

is it still time for libation puns or are we switching to cetacean puns

anyways I'd like to hop into the WHALE DIMENSION, but I don't want to be the third wheel to pharms and fogel's ahab and ahab routine. if someone would like to FIGHT ME IN THE MOST HONORABLE BATTLE OF ALL, the battle of spin doctoring and truthiness, I'll gladly skip right through the hole in reality and we can have it out. or rather, we can do whatever the hell happens over there and then have it out once we come back. technicalities

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ok today im trying something new, kiss: seedy

wtf gay

I am Paranoia, and I approve of this ridiculously convoluted side game.

Shank: Speedchuck

FINALLY, CAN WE SHANK PRIME NOW?!

Oh and the Impervious Scofflaw ain't a-feared of no whale duels

jump into the portal over Palamedes's head, just like in Free Willy

Shank: Speedchuck

I AM A GOD OF JAZZY MUSIC! I CANNOT BE SHANKED! shank whimbrel HOW DARE YOU TRY TO INTERRUPT MY MUSIC?!

Huzzah! Another brave soul joins the fray! Come on, you lily-livered landlubbers - get off those fences and come show us what you're truly made of...

...I'm looking at you, granola...

Oh, and I'm still intending to shank people who don't place groupshank votes, so in the name of minimising hypocrisy:

Groupshank: amos

You're leaving me hanging here, man!

FINALLY, CAN WE SHANK PRIME NOW?!

Oh and the Impervious Scofflaw ain't a-feared of no whale duels

jump into the portal over Palamedes's head, just like in Free Willy

Wait I got CPI and PI confused yes shank prime

The fact thing is too cool to jump into the portal for, but I am available to make some propaganda informative brochures of objective truth.