ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by Naristar.

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call home

Originally posted on MSPA by Ed.

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> Die for a bit and resuscitate as a young female version of yourself thirteen years in the future due to a god tier paradox rift space

Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.

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Ask for your one phone call, and use it to order a pizza

Originally posted on MSPA by Curris.

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Hat --> Sort this man into Hufflepuff.
Man --> Build a secondary jail within the walls of the first one. Convince the police that they are now your prisoners, but that you will let them go early if they keep up the good behavior.

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> Man: Turn out to not be Zoosmell's dad.

Originally posted on MSPA by Ouroboros.

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> Man: Turn out to not be Zoosmell's dad.

> Man: Be Insufferable Prick's dadbro instead

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

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> Purchase Impact.

> Just be patient, they won't lock you up for accidentally running over a car. ...It was an accident, right?

Originally posted on MSPA by Lordlyhour.

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Do a Sexy, Sexy Striptease to convince your Imprisoners to let you go. A fine body like yours should not be incarcerated, but set free into the wilderness to inspire love and happiness in All!

Originally posted on MSPA by The One Guy.

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> Get the door to unlock you.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Ask for your one phone call, and use it to order a pizza

Man, all this worrying has made you hungry. You think you should order a pizza, and ask the officer watching you if you can have your one phone call. He just stares at you.

"Sir, you realize you're not actually under arrest, right? We just want to understand how someone managed to run over a car."

> Just be patient, they won't lock you up for accidentally running over a car. ...It was an accident, right?

Oh. Well, you can't actually explain that. Maybe once they understand that you can't, they'll let you go. It shouldn't be that bad, right?

Another officer walks in.

"Just got a call in from the hospital. Apparently, the car was made out of cardboard. Fully functional, just everything was painted cardboard."

"Wow. That's pretty crazy."

"Yeah, I know. Anyhow, it more or less explains how this guy did so much damage, so there's no real need to keep him here." He turns to you. "You can go now."

You just stare at him, lost in thought.

"Hello? I said you can go now. As in leave. Scram!"

Suddenly develop a deep empathetic bond with the hat and forget the existence of your son.

These fifteen minutes in the police station have driven you to despair. Your only companion, the only one who truly understands you, is this hat that blew onto your head by chance.

But was it chance... or was it DESTINY?

You were alone in this world until this hat found you. No one else could understand your plight. Perhaps you had other people in your life, but they seem unimportant now. They weren't here for you in your fifteen minutes of need. This hat was for at least two or three of those minutes. It is your only true friend, your only true family.

And now, at last, you are free. Free to freely walk the free streets of freedom, you and your hat, and...

Oh, crap, you're going to be late for work! How are you going to get there on time?

Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.

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Knock some kid off their skateboard so you can use it, there's bound to be one passing by here eventually.

Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.

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Use your trusty hat as a hang-glider!

Originally posted on MSPA by Solaris.

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use your new power of running over cars to run over traffic and get to work quickly

Originally posted on MSPA by PersonPerson.

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This^

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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use your new power of running over cars to run over traffic and get to work quickly

You decide to just run there. If any car gets in your way, that's their problem, right? You've got a job to do!

You rush out of the police station and run right into the street and ow that didn't work quite the way you planned it. You end up on the roof of a car, which by a fortunate coincidence is headed the same way you were.

Oh. They stop right outside HQ. The driver gets out... that's funny, he doesn't look like an agent you recognize. Is he a deliveryman or something?

Wait, what's that weird device he's taking out of the trunk? It looks like a pumpkin with a bunch of wires sticking out of it.

And who's he calling now?

And why is he constantly doing pelvic thrusts?

"I have placed the transmitter. The satellite has picked up its location? Good. Test it now."

In a moment, the strange pumpkin simply disappears.

"It is a success!" the pelvic-thrusting stranger declares. "In the next twenty-four hours, every pumpkin in this building will vanish as well! And then nothing will stop us from making every pumpkin in the world disappear!"

He laughs maniacally, then pauses.

"Next mission? Certainly. Set the entire world on fire? It may take a while, but it should be no problem. I just have to make a quick stop by the hospital to find my pet first."

Uh-oh. This must be an enemy agent! And he's planning to eradicate every pumpkin in the world from existence! Which is a problem, because your agency uses pumpkins as a power source for some reason you were never very clear on.

Fortunately, he hasn't noticed you yet. You may have a chance to take action. What are you going to do?

Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.

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Craft a cunning veterinarian disguise and convince him that he's the pet, and his pet is the agent. Then interrogate the pet.

Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.

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"Bad luck, buster. It's not just gonna be a quick stop."

And then face-punching time

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> Is the device in the car? Poor choice.
> Punch through the car.

Originally posted on MSPA by PersonPerson.

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Punch him!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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"Bad luck, buster. It's not just gonna be a quick stop."

And then face-punching time

You decide that this doesn't call for a detailed plan that takes into account all possibilities; this calls for ACTION! And also a witty one-liner.

You quickly hop off the roof of the car, take a fighting stance, and prepare to throw off your one-liner.

Except that the enemy agent didn't notice you at all and just drove off and now you're standing there with your fists raised.

"What are you doing there?" someone asks. Whoops, it's the boss!

"I see you're late," he says, glancing at his watch. "Have you been spending your time shadow-boxing instead of doing your actual work?"

You quickly try to explain about the enemy agent and the pumpkin-vanishing, but the boss just sighs.

"I really don't have time for your nonsensical excuses. And this one is even worse than usual. Pumpkins vanishing? Ludicrous! If it weren't for all the paperwork involved, I'd fire you right on the spot."

Uh-oh.

"But instead, I've got an assignment for you. We just received a strange report about a cardboard car. It's a perfectly functional car, but all the parts are made of painted cardboard. It was only discovered because some idiot ran it over, now it's in the hospital because somebody thought that was a good idea. Go and investigate it, would you?"

Damn it! You don't have time to go and check out the hospital! You have to stop that enemy agent... who was headed to the hospital... which is where you were just ordered to go.

You promptly tell the boss you'll get right on the case, and run off without asking any further questions.

You are now the enemy agent. You have a medical condition which causes you to constantly thrust your pelvis back and forth; despite this, you are the top-rated agent in your organization. You have just completed a mission which will shut down your primary opposition, and must now embark on a mission to set the world on fire.

However, before that, you have to find your cat. He should be somewhere in this hospital. Where will you start looking?

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> The burn ward.
> You told him a yo' mamma joke before he passed out.

Originally posted on MSPA by Curris.

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The gift shop. That cat can't stop chasing shiney and valuable things.
How you ever got such an easily distractable partner, you'll never know. . .

Originally posted on MSPA by Solaris.

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the place with all of the kids which for some reason is next to the science freaks

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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The gift shop. That cat can't stop chasing shiney and valuable things.
How you ever got such an easily distractable partner, you'll never know. . .

You decide to start by checking the gift shop. This is totally because your cat might be there and not because you want some nice things, what are you talking about. Of course, if something catches your eye while you're around, it would be silly not to pick it up...

As you grab a few trinkets, the other customers seem to be staring at you. The clerk walks over after a little bit.

"Sir, your pelvic thrusts are... distracting the other customers," she says.

You explain that it is a medical condition, and also has she seen a cat around?

"A what?" she asks. "Can you show me a picture?"

You reach into your wallet, when you realize you have no pictures of your cat. You don't know why. You decide to pull up the internet on your phone and check that informational website for pictures... even if they aren't of your cat, they should help you describe him.

Oh. There are no pictures of cats there either, only a vague article with few details. Well, perhaps an image search for "cat" will give you something...

No results. How strange. Are cats actually a classified species and your agency never informed you of this? Oh well, no matter. You purchase the trinkets, thank the clerk for her trouble, and decide to look elsewhere.

the place with all of the kids which for some reason is next to the science freaks

Perhaps your cat wandered into the Children's Ward. You head over there, only to hear a scream from the Freaks Of Nature ward down the hall.

"Something's eating the car!" a doctor screams. "I've never seen anything like it!"

Puzzled, you head over to the room and see your cat eating a car in a hospital bed. It's also eating the bed. And parts of the wall.

Oh, drat, you didn't feed him before work today, did you? He must be very hungry. You get the sense that he might not stop until he eats the entire planet.

Well, you'd better do something about this. You can't set the world on fire if your cat eats it all first. What are you going to do?

Originally posted on MSPA by PersonPerson.

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Punch the cat in the face.