The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by Kgummy.

---

Help yourself and Dragon up to ride on Dragon, so you can go forth and see Dragon and Dragon.
Assume pointlessly that each Dragon refers to the least likely Dragon, especially if that particular Dragon would make no sense in that context. Also assume pointlessly that at least one of them refers to an inanimate object, and thus pointlessly assume that you are required to assume that it refers to a different inanimate object.

Also, pointlessly come across a time machine, assume that it is a VR machine, use it, and if you come across your past self, tell it what you were told, as you assume that it was actually said in code, and thus not literally what you heard, but something else, that you haven't yet figured out. Return back to the 'VR machine' and use it to return back to reality/your present time. Pointlessly assume that you have created a paradox, especially because you have assumed that you used a VR machine, not a time machine, and thus would have no effect on reality. If the paradox beast shows up saying that you did create a paradox and your fine is still paid, assume that he said in code that you have to entertain him to 'pay' for the fine. Assume that entertain means something either hilariously inappropriate, or horrifying, such as a strip dance. Also assume that it's the Paradox Beast that's going to strip dance. Especially if the Paradox Beast has already left. If it hasn't, assume that it hasn't, and sigh that he left too soon, and then start strip dancing because it would be pointless to do so now. Also pointlessly assume that 'strip dancing' means dancing with a strip.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

---

SpoilerShow

I decided to do another partial update, because man do I have a lot of screenshots, and I'm still not done. So, here you go!

Attack the statue that hasn't yet come to life. And miss. On purpose.

This is even more pointless now that the other statue is a pile of rubble!



You attack the pile of rubble and miss intentionally.



Your missed attack hits a secret button on the wall.



A pit appears under the Ice Dragon Statue. Of course, since it can fly, opening a pit under it is pointless. In fact, it flies up a bit just to show you how little it cares about having a pit open up under it.

pointlessly decide that you are now the enemy that you, Whatever, and Ice Dragon Statue are now fighting. However, since that would make attacking yourself have a point, attack Whatever.

Once again, after careful thought, you decide the most pointless thing to do is to attack Whatever.



Your attack breaks Whatever out of his daze!



Thinking quickly, you blame it on your ally the Ice Dragon Statue, otherwise he might attack your enemy, you.

>Hug Whatever

You then give Whatever a hug. This is rather pointless to do, since he's attacking you, or so you pointlessly believe.

> lick whatever and then push him to the pool and use hime as a wedding ring as to propose to yourself

You lick Whatever, then push him to the pool, healing his wounds.



You offer him as a wedding ring to propose to yourself, but you shoot yourself down, breaking your own heart.

> travel back in time again and then popose to yourself using whatever as a ring

Your ability to travel back in time does not appear to work any more.



So you try to use it anyway, and repeat the proposal! It is just as successful as last time.

> sell the vomit bagel cake to the lesser paradox beast that might arrive

You attempt to sell a vomit bagel cake that isn't there to a Lesser Paradox Beast that isn't there. This has no effect.

EDIT: burn vomit bagel cake instead!

Then you attempt to set fire to the vomit bagel cake that isn't there. This fails, because you have no actual means of producing a fire.

Nopor Puss: Attempt to trigger the icicle trap again, which should definitely be pointless since it's already been triggered and you've assumed it only works once for some reason.

You decide to trigger the icicle trap, since it's already been triggered. This draws the Ice Dragon Statue's attention.



This has no effect, except to make the Ice Dragon Statue stop just floating around and actually prepare an attack.



Meanwhile, Whatever decides to attack the Ice Dragon Statue in a random manner. He shows it his watch. This does no damage, but the distraction disrupts the statue's concentration, stopping its coming attack.

Nopor Puss: Check your inventory, Whatever's inventory, the ice dragon's inventory, the other dragon statue's inventory, the Janitor's inventory, and the inventory of the third and fourth members of the party, and write all of this information on a list. Make a pointlessly large yet otherwise useless number of copies of said list.

You begin checking all of the various inventories, and making a list of everything on them.



You then make a large number of copies of the list.

Nopor Puss: If the ice dragon's inventory would burden you or give stat penalties any worse than your current outfit, make sure to steal them from the dragon in order to assist the dragon's combat abilities, but afterwards not wear any of the equipment. This is because although said hypothetical equipment would burden you, that would make doing pointless things too easy, and they may turn out to be too useful in specific situations. This assumption is more pointless to make than its inverse (wearing said clothing) because you have plenty of evidence of equipment being too useful occurring anyway in your past experience.

You once again carefully consider the situation in order to determine the most pointless course of action.



First, you read every copy of the inventory list you made. Since they're all identical, it's pointless to read more than one.



Then you conclude that the dragon has no useless equipment in its inventory. In fact, it has nothing whatsoever in its inventory.



So you attempt to steal from it to get its nothing! And fail.

Whatever: Resolve to obtain a cloth shirt and corduroy pants at some point, which should closely approximate functional nakedness without any of the associated effects of being naked. This is clearly a random thing to be doing while frozen in a block of ice.

Yes, it is! You should definitely do that the next time you're frozen in a block of ice.

Nopor: Propose to the ice dragon

After failing to steal nothing from the ice dragon, you decide to propose to it.



It roars at you. You aren't sure if that's a success or a failure.

SpoilerShow

More commands coming soon!

Originally posted on MSPA by suomynonAyletamitlU.

---

> Nopor: Alternate between assuming the dragon accepted and rejected you every turn (? Or just random intervals. Or every 6 seconds. I don't care.). Rather than covering your bases, this is likely to simply waste time and confuse everyone involved, and it will require the expenditure of mental effort that would probably be better spent elsewhere, so it's quite pointless.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dfaran.

---

>Give the ice dragon a massage. Since it is your ally, it would serve no purpose for the dragon to be relaxed when it should be tense and alert.

Originally posted on MSPA by Epamynondas.

---

>Store some of those lists in your inventory. Then the lists will be outdated since you'll have more stuff in your inventory so write some more new lists. Store them in your inventory and write some new lists. Repeat until you feel like your handwriting is about to improve.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

---

SpoilerShow

Okay, I've hit 28 images and I still have a bunch to go, so I'll update up to here.

>Completely ignore the Ice Dragon Statue you are fighting and instead push Whatever in front of the doorway.

You ignore the Ice Dragon Statue and push Whatever in front of the doorway to block it instead.

> Sit on Whatever.

You then sit on Whatever.



Your combined weight triggers a pressure plate, turning the pit into a giant wind tunnel.



It sucks in the dragon, the rubble, and all the pointless copies of the inventory list. A barrier surrounds the switch itself, preventing you from being sucked in.



The wind soon stops after sucking everything down the pit. You are safe now.



But your Point Meter went up by 5! This isn't good! By gaining another 10 points, your Defense has gone up by 20!

Make a pointlessness meter like your point meter that goes up when you do pointless things. However, make it punish you in exactly the same way the point meter punishes you, thus punishing yourself for every action or lack of action you take.

This sounds like an excellent idea! You get to work on it right away!



The Pointlessness meter is complete! All you need to do is turn it on and set it to track your pointlessness!

>Decide that the previous sequence of events has been interesting, so you should totally forget all about it!

But then you suddenly decide that your escapades thus far might prove entertaining to an omniscient observer! You immediately put down your Pointless Meter and decide to pointlessly forget about everything you have done so far!

>Run off and steal a cyborg lich's vacuum cleaner.

After a pointless sequence of events that you leave out because it would be very entertaining to omniscient observers, you arrive in the cyborg lich Konka Rar's castle. You have pointlessly decided to steal his vacuum cleaner. You hope he doesn't have one, that would just make this exercise more pointless.

Eat the vomit bagel cake as to cause a paradox.

You have no idea how eating a vomit bagel cake would cause a paradox, but as there isn't one here anyways, it's pointless to eat it in any case, so you do.

Sing about your adventures.

You sing a song about the pointless adventures which you have completely forgotten about.



Your singing draws the attention of Konka Rar's guards!



Two Cyborg Skeletons attack!

> Push or otherwise annoy the other ice dragon statue to make it harder for yourself.

There is no ice dragon statue here, so you attempt to push it onto the skeletons. Unsurprisingly, this has no effect.

>Command your buddypal, Ice Dragon Statue, to attack itself, which is pointless because you will be hurting your ally, not defeating your enemy

While you wait for Whatever to take his turn, you issue orders to the Ice Dragon Statue, which isn't here and probably wouldn't be taking a turn now if it was here and almost definitely wouldn't listen to you if it was.

>After the battle ends, prepare for battle!

You make a mental note to prepare for battle once this battle ends.

Help yourself and Dragon up to ride on Dragon, so you can go forth and see Dragon and Dragon.
Assume pointlessly that each Dragon refers to the least likely Dragon, especially if that particular Dragon would make no sense in that context. Also assume pointlessly that at least one of them refers to an inanimate object, and thus pointlessly assume that you are required to assume that it refers to a different inanimate object.

You come up with a pointlessly convoluted plan, and explain it to Whatever in a way which is pointlessly confusing for him to understand.



Whatever completely ignores your plan and begins square-dancing with one of the skeletons. Perfect! Explaining your plan was utterly pointless!

SpoilerShow

Also, pointlessly come across a time machine, assume that it is a VR machine, use it, and if you come across your past self, tell it what you were told, as you assume that it was actually said in code, and thus not literally what you heard, but something else, that you haven't yet figured out. Return back to the 'VR machine' and use it to return back to reality/your present time. Pointlessly assume that you have created a paradox, especially because you have assumed that you used a VR machine, not a time machine, and thus would have no effect on reality. If the paradox beast shows up saying that you did create a paradox and your fine is still paid, assume that he said in code that you have to entertain him to 'pay' for the fine. Assume that entertain means something either hilariously inappropriate, or horrifying, such as a strip dance. Also assume that it's the Paradox Beast that's going to strip dance. Especially if the Paradox Beast has already left. If it hasn't, assume that it hasn't, and sigh that he left too soon, and then start strip dancing because it would be pointless to do so now. Also pointlessly assume that 'strip dancing' means dancing with a strip.

You can't do any of that while you're engaged in battle. So of course, that's exactly what you attempt to do!



The skeleton that isn't busy square-dancing with Whatever gets confused by your pointless antics.

> Nopor: Alternate between assuming the dragon accepted and rejected you every turn (? Or just random intervals. Or every 6 seconds. I don't care.). Rather than covering your bases, this is likely to simply waste time and confuse everyone involved, and it will require the expenditure of mental effort that would probably be better spent elsewhere, so it's quite pointless.

You decide that the ice dragon accepted your proposal.



Then you decide that it rejected you.



Then you... look, you get the picture. This only serves to confuse the Cyborg Skeleton further.



It attacks its square-dancing fellow Cyborg Skeleton!



This provokes a counter-attack.



Now they're distracted! This would be the ideal time to strike!



So you won't. Instead, you believe the battle to be over, so you prepare for battle!

SpoilerShow

Note that commands for this battle will be rendered pointless almost immediately on the next update, so feel free to make them.

Originally posted on MSPA by suomynonAyletamitlU.

---

> Nopor: since you're no longer in the ice room, repeat many of the pointless actions that could only have been understood in the context of a cold room, such as the below:

>Soak yourself in the water on the right of the room.

> Lick a boulder and probably get your tongue stuck doing so.

> Warm random, non-contiguous sections of the floor of this room by rubbing them vigorously. The net effect this will have on the total warmth of the floor, much less the room, is miniscule, and your hand will become cold, numb, and painful relatively quickly.
> Do the same with your tongue, as it's likely to become frozen to the floor, leaving you immobile in a terribly uncomfortable position.

> realise there would be great point in advancing through the dungeon already, and so push a dragon statue in front of the doorway to render this impossible.

SpoilerShow

God I love this adventure.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dfaran.

---

>Jump in a pit.

>While you are falling, move your arms as if you could swim through the air - doubly pointless, since not only can't you swim through the air, there isn't even a pit to begin with.

Originally posted on MSPA by Crowstone.

---

>Those suits of armor probably would give a wonderful defense bonus if you wear them. Make one suit wear the other to increase its weight and impractility, then wear both at the same time by being on the inside of both.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

---

>Give the ice dragon a massage. Since it is your ally, it would serve no purpose for the dragon to be relaxed when it should be tense and alert.

You leave the castle.



You make your way back to the ice castle...



...and jump down the hole.



Here, you find the ice dragon examining something, which apparently was knocked loose from the rubble of the other statue.



The ice dragon touches the strange crystal!





The Ice Dragon Statue has transformed into the Super Ice Dragon! It suddenly attacks!



You open the battle by giving it a relaxing massage.





Your hands are now stuck to the Super Ice Dragon's freezing-cold body.

>Store some of those lists in your inventory. Then the lists will be outdated since you'll have more stuff in your inventory so write some more new lists. Store them in your inventory and write some new lists. Repeat until you feel like your handwriting is about to improve.

While your hands are stuck to a hostile ice dragon, you decide to pick up the scattered lists.











With great difficulty, you gather all the lists and put them in your pocket, unlocking the Pocket equipment slot! Drat!



You then attempt to make new lists. This is incredibly difficult.



However, you soon find yourself getting the hang of it, and being able to write better while having your hands stuck to the ice dragon.



This seems suspiciously like developing a skill that could one day be useful, so you stop.

> Nopor: since you're no longer in the ice room, repeat many of the pointless actions that could only have been understood in the context of a cold room

Wait, you're in an ice room now! Just a moment.









You return to Konka Rar's castle, your hands still stuck to the ice dragon.



All right, where were we?

>Soak yourself in the water on the right of the room.

You move over to the completely dry right side of the room, and attempt to soak yourself in water.

> Lick a boulder and probably get your tongue stuck doing so.

You then attempt to get your tongue stuck on a boulder that doesn't exist.

> Warm random, non-contiguous sections of the floor of this room by rubbing them vigorously. The net effect this will have on the total warmth of the floor, much less the room, is miniscule, and your hand will become cold, numb, and painful relatively quickly.

Next, you attempt to warm the floor by rubbing it while your hands are stuck to an ice dragon.



In the process, you somehow manage to get your feet stuck to the dragon as well.

> Do the same with your tongue, as it's likely to become frozen to the floor, leaving you immobile in a terribly uncomfortable position.

For an encore, you attempt to warm the floor with your tongue.



After a pointlessly painful attempt to do so, you find you have somehow turned yourself upside-down, and you are still stuck to the ice dragon.

> realise there would be great point in advancing through the dungeon already, and so push a dragon statue in front of the doorway to render this impossible.

There are four perfectly good dragon statues you could push in this room.



So obviously, you'll have to find another one!



...I'm going to be honest, I have no idea how you managed to find your way back to Hell. Seriously, your guess is as good as mine.



The intense heat of Hell slowly melts the ice dragon, setting you free and releasing the strange crystal. You decide to pointlessly move as though you are still stuck to the ice dragon, however.



Your Point Meter goes up by 2 for your rather indirect role in the destruction of the ice dragon.



Also, Whatever takes the crystal. He gains a strange power, which he swears to only use for randomness.



Meanwhile, you have a dragon statue to push.



All the way back to Konka Rar's castle. While continuing to move as though you were stuck to an ice dragon. I won't even pretend to understand it.



You have now blocked the path further in to Konka Rar's castle with a dragon statue. Congratulations.

>Jump in a pit.

You decide to jump in a pit that isn't there.

>While you are falling, move your arms as if you could swim through the air - doubly pointless, since not only can't you swim through the air, there isn't even a pit to begin with.

You then move your arms as if you could swim through the air. In the process, you turn yourself right-side up again.

>Those suits of armor probably would give a wonderful defense bonus if you wear them. Make one suit wear the other to increase its weight and impractility, then wear both at the same time by being on the inside of both.

You shove one suit of armor inside the other.



You then squeeze yourself inside the other suit. You can barely move.

What will you do now?

Originally posted on MSPA by g0m.

---

Throw up between the two suits of armour so as to better lubricate.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dfaran.

---

>Give Whatever a hug.

Originally posted on MSPA by Iridium.

---

>Go see a doctor. You're not injured or sick, so what would be the point?

Originally posted on MSPA by Crowstone.

---

>you will have to roll around on the ground if you want to move, so you should try to jump inside of the suit

Originally posted on MSPA by Kgummy.

---

Start a marathon race with whomever you can get to run it, with some grand prize that you have yet to determine, and some horrible consequence for being in a specific position of the race, especially if it's more than the total number of people in the race. Attempt to reach the finish line with any means possible, but right before crossing it, assume that you ran in the wrong direction and go to the other way. Once you reach this new finish line, take a nap before crossing it. Assume that you have won, and forfeit the prize.

Originally posted on MSPA by suomynonAyletamitlU.

---

> With the armor greatly limiting your flexibility, attempt to ride dragon statue as though it were a mechanical bull.
> Alternately (or subsequently, or both), retrofit the dragon statue to BE a mechanical bull, but then don't use it.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

---

Hey guys.

There probably won't be an update until I get back from Ottawa (though I have the next one planned out), but in the meantime, here's something you have no real reason to check out.

Originally posted on MSPA by Draykon.

---

There's something deep and meaningful about the idea of the master of pointlessness getting a twitter.

Originally posted on MSPA by Cake Ninja.

---

>Buy materials to make a mech using the spare 60,000 dollars you have.
>Make a mech.
>Steal the world's rubber duckys using that mech.
>Hold them ransom for 50,000 dollars.
>???
>Lack of profit!

Originally posted on MSPA by suomynonAyletamitlU.

---

>Buy materials to make a mech by trading various things you've come across for slightly more valuable things in a tedious and protracted sidequest
>Make a mech out of materials other than the ones you just bought, leaving those aside.
>Steal the world's rubber duckys using that mech, but don't steal or attack any of the factories used for making more
>Hold them ransom for less money than you made trading, but don't notify anyone your ransom demands or even that you have them.
>???
>Lack of profit!

Pointless alteration

Originally posted on MSPA by Xander.

---

>Buy materials to make a mech using the spare 60,000 dollars you have.
>Make a mech.
>Steal the world's rubber duckys using that mech.
>Hold them ransom for 50,000 dollars.
>???
>Lack of profit!

>Buy materials to make a mech by trading various things you've come across for slightly more valuable things in a tedious and protracted sidequest
>Make a mech out of materials other than the ones you just bought, leaving those aside.
>Steal the world's rubber duckys using that mech, but don't steal or attack any of the factories used for making more
>Hold them ransom for less money than you made trading, but don't notify anyone your ransom demands or even that you have them.
>???
>Lack of profit!

Pointless alteration

do both for no reason.

Originally posted on MSPA by zeddidragon.

---

Find a rapier and a file. Proceed to file down the rapier at the tip point, thus making the rapier pointless.

SpoilerShow

This pointless adventure made me laugh out loud several times. I do not do that a lot.

Originally posted on MSPA by Cake Ninja.

---

Find a rapier and a file. Proceed to file down the rapier at the tip point, thus making the rapier pointless.

SpoilerShow

This pointless adventure made me laugh out loud several times. I do not do that a lot.

Of course, use the paper information type file as opposed to the type that would actually be effective. Be sure that it's a file that will be important later on first.

Originally posted on MSPA by Leylite.

---

Nopor Puss: Even better, use the rapier to whittle down the file.

Whatever: At a random moment, use the crystal to transform into a Super Ice Dragon, since that's obviously what the crystal does.

Originally posted on MSPA by CheeseDeluxe.

---

Try to interact with the Point Meter.