You Wake Up In A Bar

Generate two servings of delicious Liquid Flesh-Eating Bacteria using Generator

Generate 2 servings of hot chocolate!!!!

It would be good if we have someone help us wash the cups. Does Laren still have something she hasn't paid for??

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Spoiler

How about generating chocolate liquor?

Generate two servings of liquified gorilla.

It occurs to me, maybe stax sent NAME here to test if we're a player controlled character.

How about generating chocolate liquor?

ooo I agree with this, but maybe something like
>Generate some Curaçao
if it has to be a named liquid we've seen...
>Generate Vodka

How about generating chocolate liquor?

ooo I agree with this, but maybe something like
>Generate some Curaçao
if it has to be a named liquid we've seen...
>Generate Vodka

If we're gonna be slightly boring and pick a liquid we already know, let's go with chloral hydrate. We may need it to deal with unruly patrons. We'll likely only be able to pass off x-treme marine to harbringers.

It takes a bit of consideration to figure out what you'd like to generate first with the Unshaken. The first tempting option is something extremely difficult to get elsewhere-- how about a full cup of flesh-eating bacteria? No, that's too dangerous, and you've endangered Bloomy enough today. Chloral hydrate? While it's helpful, you feel like it's a bit boring, especially since you haven't needed it lately, and could probably test out existing liquids at another time.

No, no, there's one thought that really piques your interest: Liquefied Gorilla. You're not even sure you know what a gorilla is, but this is bound to produce SOMETHING interesting.

Meanwhile, the conversation centered around Laren's being here continues. You decide, in classic Drinkmaster Greene fashion, to be supportive!








The Unshaken is a bit difficult to fully get used to, but you uncover the keypad on the side, which lets you type in a phrase to Generate. While Stax occupies his time washing one of the 3 dirty cups, you start punching in 'Liquefied Gorilla'.














Oh, jeez. You mistype the name as you're distracted by what Sublimate's saying-- a possible risk to your cover here in Terrats! You don't think that glowing gold person would like it if you were suddenly documented on Starnet, even if some details were removed.

Retyping the name takes another few moments as you speak.






Phew.




Ahk!











Finally, typed in correctly! You start to fiddle with the 'accept' button, and in a moment, the Unshaken begins to whirr. The sound is... not pleasant, and you start to wonder where exactly the liquid animal inside is coming from. Hyperspace? Either way, the whirring, grinding, and gentle squealing isn't pleasant.






There's a small readout on the side panel, which you begin to take into memory-- it seems to be a description along the lines of the ones you've seen in The Cabinet, and thus gives you an adequate description of the horrible slurry inside.















As you pour the contents of the Unshaken into a suitable container in your Cabinet, you also clean the golden shaker using its in-built Eraser function, making destroying the contaminants very simple.

You've got an opportunity here! Unless you've changed your mind on payment, Sublimate seems to be happy going out to grab you some ingredients-- but it'll depend heavily on what you want more of, right now. With no real metric as to what ingredients cost or what her and Bloomy's orders were worth, you'll be shooting in the dark a bit; regardless, this is a good opportunity to replenish some of your favorites.

Evening is about to begin. You've got this next turn to wash dishes, generate new liquids, or do any other rest activity, before the patrons begin streaming in once more.



Cup status: 0 occupied, 2 dirty (Dynamic Dynamite, Ashen Corrugible), 4 free
Plate status: 2 occupied (Bloomy's TGCB, Stax's unfinished meal [1/3] ), 0 dirty, 2 free
Scavenger ability: Unavailable (0/1 uses)
Intrusive ability: Enabled

Thanks to the Unshaken's computer readout, you've gained a new entry in the Cabinet on your newly-generated substance.

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Author's Notes
Sorry for the delayed update! Had a bit of a busy week, but I want desperately to keep up the pace.

Laren's boss is somebody a few of you might have already met, in a place not so far away.

>Clean some plates

Coffee beans aughta be cheap and useful. We could also use some more fruits. We're out of gonit milk but we probably have a different kind of milk. Choral hydrate is probably best not discussed in public and unicorn tears would likely be expensive. Oh and we need more cucumbers, we don't have enough of those.

Time for your first shopping list. You pick things you think Sublimate will be able to get to you in a timely fashion, and that also won't make you look too crazy. Earth-origin ingredients for Laren, and since you expended a cucumber on Bloomy's lasagna, you'll especially need some more of those.









Since you don't have any dirty plates to wash, you decide to clean off the one set aside for Stax's meal-- getting rid of the previous progress, but netting yourself an extra plate for use later. It's not like he was really going to get around to that anyway, right? Meanwhile, he works on a cup. You're a washing duo!!!








You're very wholesome.








Laren lets out a sigh.












After giving Stax a mean-eye for a moment, Sublimate turns to you, as her and Bloomy begin to leave the bar. Her mechanical gaze focuses intently, and though- like typical- it's hard to see the mind behind the body like it is with organic beings, she seems to have some pertinent interest in you.








The swan and cat leave the bar through the rickety wooden entrance, and once again, Starwood Bough is quiet.

Sublimate and Bloomy have left the bar very satisfied with their service, and Sublimate will return with payment in the form of ingredients.

Stax has not cleared out from behind the bar. He seems determined to stick around.

From both a want to stay isolated from the rest of Terrats, and a comfort from being in Starwood Bough, Laren remains.






Suddenly, a new patron bursts through the door, right where Sublimate and Bloomy were a minute ago! It's some sort of terrifying gray clown head with red hair, perched directly atop two dark shoes, hopping and waddling around, its clown shoes squeaking with each step.




With a cheerful honk of its nose and a soft, comforting giggle, they begin to speak!





Laren leans back in both disgust and terror.






Evening is in full effect. Patrons may stream in with little to no delay.



Cup status: 0 occupied, 1 dirty (Ashen Corrugible), 5 free
Plate status: 0 occupied, 1 dirty (The Sate Catsberry), 3 free
Scavenger ability: Unavailable (0/1 uses)
Intrusive ability: Enabled

You've got a little grocery store of your own, and it's called The Cabinet, and you can find it by clicking on this big box right here:

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Author's NotesThe first new patron in two months.

Let's keep up the pace, kilozombie.

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Spoiler :o)c?

>LIL FRIEND!!!!
>ADOPT?
>ADOPT

>maybe also serve them something before doing so, like uhhh

>powdered sugar n sulfuric acid! We all know clowns love powdered sugan n sulfuric acid!

Just the thing for you chuckles.
1 Dementia's bile
1 Banana
1 powdered sugar
1 cherry
1 tear of the innocent
1 drop of liquid helium

please accept this offering of appeasement, protect the bar against those meaning it ill with your clown magics

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Spoiler
oh god its here

Maybe we should give this clown whatever we make him inside of a hat, so that it can be to-go. Whatever we make it needs to be to go. This clown needs. To. Go.

Maybe we should first figure out weither it wants a drink, food, or directions to a different bar.

but-
But why though! Its so cute!!! Im gonna name em Helen!

>Ask Laren to borrow the PDA for information on.....whatever Helen is.

º-º. o_o. Please don't hurt us.

Just the thing for you chuckles.
1 Dementia's bile
1 Banana
1 powdered sugar
1 cherry
1 tear of the innocent
1 drop of liquid helium

please accept this offering of appeasement, protect the bar against those meaning it ill with your clown magics

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Spoiler
oh god its here

Seconding this, with a Generous Dollop of Whipped cream on top

(I'd say I felt guilty for suggesting this Newest of Patrons, but I Really, Really don't)

(also, Can we Have Intrusive occur? Or is Helen's Majesty to great for mortal eyes?)

Seconding this, with a Generous Dollop of Whipped cream on top

(I'd say I felt guilty for suggesting this Newest of Patrons, but I Really, Really don't)

(also, Can we Have Intrusive occur? Or is Helen's Majesty to great for mortal eyes?)

Intrusive'll only work if we leanr someone's name.

Intrusive'll only work if we learn someone's name.

We know their name.

H E L E N

Intrusive'll only work if we learn someone's name.

We know their name.

We didn't during the last update.

This is great! You have a great new patron. You think you'll even name it!






Recoil hits you hard. You immediately leap to your available bartending tools, pulling out ingredients that sound about appropriate. Stax steps out of the way to keep your workspace clean, and you work frantically.

The bar rocks loudly with the feeling of the honkit speaking at full volume. This volume is far above what you'd consider reasonable in any context, and the ceiling struggles to stay up.

You have the thought that maybe it'd be helpful to get some more information on this species.








With the teensiest bit of hesitation, Laren hands you her PDA-- and you begin tapping away. You're still a bit unfamiliar, but searching the Wyreforums isn't the most complicated thing in the world, and within seconds you've found a Wyre that might just have the answers you seek.

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Transcription by HandyBot33KLife -> Organics -> Species -> Sentience Questionable -> Documentation
Honk-It: Fact or Fiction?
Wyre created on 4 | 4102 | 4651 (3/28/2666 Your Time)

Post by: GravelHistorias
Location: Roaming
Posted on: 4 | 4102 | 4651, 0327:522

It's become clear to me that even my sort of procedural reporting has completely looked over the subject of these 'honk-its', a term colloquially used by schoolchidren as well as the 'cryptidites' of Common Space. While we don't tend to follow up on urban legends, folks hvae told me I'm apparently reputable enough to try and dispel this thing once and for all. (Fat chance. But I gave it a go!)

Honk-its have been claimed to have been seen all over the universe, including extremely niche outworlds and meteorites. Not only are claims of size rather conflicting, but so are their methods of actually moving, acting, speaking, or preying. The only thing that's rather common is that people who claim to have seen honk-its say they were terrified-- I mean, quite unbelievably terrified. No matter how much they claimed to lack a fear of clowns, the honk-it would activate something deep in them, and this panic response is so endemic that I was tempted to assume it was just an effect of the creature itself.

However, I dug a little deeper.

There was a paper written in 4046 | 0296 that details a theoretical 'subspace consciousness-seeking beam' usable for things like targeted advertising against a rather unwitting population. This was eventually patented by a company called Siminia who claims to be 'pro-advocation, pro-bipedalism, pro-individualism'. Now, stay with me a sec: this company was in some hot water lately for, apparently, terrifying their staff to work harder. Not only that, but the location of their old headquarters marks the biggest hotspot of honk-it sightings!

So despite the lack of fossil evidence or real video recording, I might have just figured out where this legend comes from. It's not people lying for attention, or at least not just that-- it might just be a corporate conspiracy to scare the shit out of random people.

Post by: baking4you
Location: NT-ASSIGNED 5984
Posted on: 4 | 4102 | 4651, 0327:522

I don'tf think just saying random stuff is goingf to actually prove anything, yem... NT has plentyfuck of pictures and footage and all that.

Actually, I hadf to fight one once, kh. Station was totally breaking down, can'tf remember why, but there were all thesef clown masks and clown shoes on the floor... some sort of vendingf machine mishape, eh. But when I walked outf of the kitchen to deliver ice cream, one of the floor things camef alive! Two littlef clown shoes and a big mask and was honking so loud I wentf deaf. Then they startedf to swarm the bartender until shef was just a big hunkf of flesh, and...

Well, yek, it's justf obvious they're real! I hadf to drag my pal through the halls on top of allf the mounds of blood and guts, andd one of the clown faces was screeching after me. I wouldf have died if not for firelocks. FIRELOCKS! YEK.

Posted by: 10TACKLE10
Location: somewhere lmao
Posted on: 4 | 4102 | 4651, 0441:646

gonna drop my cool ym-m demeanor to tell you that honk its ruined my life

well not really hrhrrhhrh but i got space hotspitalized after i encountered it. see it came out of the gutter one day and started following me and sometimes said something that sort of sounded like words but mostly it was just other people's laughs obfuscated by horrifying screams

so i got to my water plat and decided to name it cus hey it was like a stray animal and i dont know the complete bullshit you're slinging because it was NOT scary to me at all. but every time i said its name my body got a little more worn out. i thought it was weird but it got weirder when it started talking using my voice

anyway, 12 growths later and i hatched a whole swarm and had to get animal control

Post by: Parogerai
Location: Origin
Posted on: 4 | 4102 | 4651, 0452:531

Each and every one of these little twerps is named Helen. They're mass-produced nightmare machines about as tough as Blits and much meaner. It's a damn army, and they're formed with the express purpose of attacking civillian colonies, especially refugees, to destabilize infrastructure. It's been a long time since my species had to deal with something this damn horrifying.

I've heard stories of honk-its finding children by the sounds they make when playing (this is universal to all us bipedals) and attacking them with their squeaky shoes. Sometimes they'll bait the kid to try and whack it with a stick, and when it does so, it's got express permission from tis commander to fight back, no war crime even implied. I've got my own suspicion that it's blasted Tomato-TT but I don't think I want to start some more societal conflict by saying that. Either way, it's an enemy, and it deserves to get treated like one.

First off, if there's any way possible, use a portable Nullifier to just... rid yourself and your family. I swear to you they don't take prisoners, and though their charming honky demeanor might make you think there's some part of them you could heroically reclaim as a pet (like this moronic poster above me claims), these are creatures which are absolutely controlled by some other entity. My suspicion is it's a split of individual AI and crowd commands on the part of an overseer from far away, but I haven't been in the military in several starturns, so I'm probably talking out of my behind. Not like there's any way to tell! Short of a hot drink spillage, NOTHING penetrates that armor.

As a side note, it's despicable how much misinformation is here. I miss the day where Yukablog was still active and I could get some real, solid information in this universe. It's a shame he doesn't post anymore-- I'd really like to hear what he thinks of Common Space and all its many problems.

On the subject of honk-its: whoever's making them, whoever's controlling them, you're a bunch of evil bastards. Whatever you're trying to soften my people up for, I promise to you we're going to fight back. You can send swarms of thousands of these invincible death machines, but we NEVER STOP FIGHTING.

Post by: YCaffeinator
Location: Terrats, 2905-FFROC
Posted on: 4 | 4102 | 4651, 0653:531 (Today)

it is very worth noting that, like many of these strange folk-legend sort of creatures, a more reasonable explanation is that they are some sort of illusion made by harbingers.

any folk who knows me also knows that they are quite capable of such things! and it seems like they do not even care halfway about if some of their creations have to live with the terrible illusion cracked open, or if they end up being dangerous clown-faces with shoes.

either way, do not trust everything you read on starnet. that is fairly decent advice, is it not?

Oh, hell.




Helen stomps on the stool.






You feel yourself working at an insane pace-- whether it's from newly gained skill or the need to get past this quickly isn't quite clear, but your hands work deftly and your liquid workflow cascades like a river.








Again, the bar rattles-- harder this time. It's not easy to tell if the horrifying creature is trying to break free of this mortal coil, casting a spell, or expressing delight.

Regardless, you have finished Helen's drink, and serve it your newest boiling concoction, complete with a cherry on top.

Upon spotting the dish, Helen fanatically dips it into the toothy maw of its clown-face front, and after downing several gulps, lets out a LONG stream of noises.







Just as the honkit is finally quieted by its constant and incessant intake of boiling, dangerous liquid, two familiar faces enter the bar, right on time! It's Nadezhda and Voronezh, and each of them hold a pair of glass cups-- the same make and model as yours.




Voronezh puts down his pair of stolen receptacles, and Nadezhda follows after, bringing your grand total of cups to 10. That should easily be enough!














As Vor speaks, Helen swivels its body instantaneously to face him, its honking clown-face contorting interdimensionally as it laughs.




Both members of the bug pair step back a bit, flinching. Your existing patrons seem to have almost gotten used to it by now, and wince quite a bit less.








As with last time you met this pair, they're ordering two different things with an insistence on haste. Trying to make two different drinks at once is multitasking, and although you're a better bartender now, doing so will still have risks attached.



Cup status: 0 occupied, 1 dirty (Ashen Corrugible), 9 free
Plate status: 0 occupied, 1 dirty (The Sate Catsberry), 3 free
Scavenger ability: Unavailable (0/1 uses)
Intrusive ability: Enabled

With the creation of your first drink in quite a while, you've added four new entries to the Cabinet:

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Author's NotesI really gotta thank y'all for being so awesome during this adventure. This update was a blast and I hope to have this pace kept up!

There are a lot of things to pick up on in the Starnet post, both related to Helen and not related to Helen-- feel free to share with your fellow input-submitters if you find out some information or any easter eggs!

Perhaps try with the following:

• 2 cups of Mashed Skygrain
  
• 2 spring water
  
• 1 Generic Object
  
• 2 pinches of Urgency

That'll give you two servings of a generic base brew, and then for Voronezh's:

• Remove the Generic Object, add to Nadezhda's drink
  
• Add 1 Imperial Jelly
  
• Serve over the rocks, where the rock is a Matterhorn Chunk

Nadezhda:

• Add 1 Antipodal Shard; Generic Object should become a Generic Unobject
  
• Serve with 1 Bag of Gruits left in the glass to infuse

Oh. Oh dear.
I think the Honkit might be a bit broken.
It's a bit hard to tell, honestly.

With no natural rival to keep it in check, it may have thrown all restraint out the window.
...We're going to want to keep, uh. "Helen" happy.
We don't want an unhappy Honkit. Nobody wants that.

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Spoiler
How is it not dead?
Checked the ingredients, and that little thing has some sort of nightmarish constitution to it.

HUG HELEN!!!!!!