Post making contest 6.0

This is a hint for puzzle #3:

Show Content

SpoilerThese planet descriptions seem a bit ridiculous without context, I suppose, so why not try sticking to the facts and figures? Playing the numbers game might tell you where (or when) to look...

(alternatively: just holler at me in Discord)

End of message.

This is update #290.

SO I FORGOT SUBMACHINE UNIVERSE HD WAS A THING FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK

• gonna try and have a natural exploration experience using only the in-game notetaking facility and not a constant tabbing-out-to-Notepad (he says, tabbing out to this window)
  
• this may be moot because I have all the locations from previous versions memorised BUT WHATEVER
  
• yep you can still spin the loo roll 10/10 GOTY 2017
  
• and yep you can still break one of the paths through this game immediately by actually bothering to read the theory posted in the very first location on the starting list (the spoiled coordinates are quite far in, but still) I'm gonna just pretend it doesn't exist and also that I "solved" the roman numerals puzzle like a good explorer
  
• shit that's a point should I not refer to locations by their numbers 'cause not all of them have canonical names but wait nobody reading this will care jolly good
  
• 523 is different again. 523 is always different. This time there's some interesting copper rails behind the twin statues, which is... actually interesting? Don't tell me there's something up topside now...
  
• THE PLASMA VIAL IS NEW RIGHT?
  
• THE CAMERAS IN 317 NOW MAKE SHUTTER NOISES WHEN YOU MOUSE OVER THEM AND ALSO MOVE COULD THEY MAYBE NOT?!
  
• yeah I was expecting something new in 806 after sub10 and it turns out it's ~art~ (but in a weighing machine!)
  
• oh huh I guess cat is my first karma portal of the playthrough that's cute (and also is kinda fun to visit after sub10 come to think of it)
  
• (also karma portal locations are written in blue just because okay)
  
• I still appreciate how the information tampering theory in 128 is presented literally alongside the switch that lets you tamper with it that's not at all subtle
  
• WAIT PROPELLER BLADE SINCE WHEN
  
• and now I have to try and remember if the holes for an extra ladder rung in sbl were there originally goddammit
  
• also not subtle: putting the theory referencing Schrödinger's cat next to an open cardboard box that could only be less subtle if you put the bits of paper in the box
  
• oh hey it's time to navigate the sewer maze whose layout I've committed to memory
  
• so I crawled my way to brk where the "music" is quite unsettling AND NOW SOMETHING IS MAKING A LOW BUZZING NOISE WHEN I PUT MY NOTEPAD AWAY
  
• (please let it be a bug please let it be a bug please let it be a bug)
  
• okay that's the end of that "first" branch (which was not the original first branch and thus actually involves the slight sequence-breaking early visit to 461 but look Mateusz gets to put his locations at whichever numbers he damn well pleases and if you decide to go through the starting list in order then that's your problem)
  
• (I will not be going through the starting list in order)
  
• case in point it's time for 642, the last item on the list, and ooooooh it got pretty (my order is motivated by the need to pick up the location clues that are dotted about the places fyi)
  
• fun fact you can accidentally sequence break in 100 if you mash every three-digit number you see during the subbot flavourtext into the teleporter
  
• and now we're going to 628, the penultimate item on the starting list that reading between the designs was really supposed to be your first *shrug*
  
• the Taijitu behind the desk are still pixellated... this is the HD version
  
• WHY IS IT THAT THE NOTEPAD ONLY BUZZES IN THE LOCATIONS WITH CREEPY AMBIENTS FUCKING HELL
  
• oh and in this order 399 is the first time you encounter a sewing machine huh
  
• SO TURNS OUT IF YOU STAY LONG ENOUGH IN 712 THERE'S A NUMBERS STATION VOICE THAT LEAPS OF THE STATIC
  
• I MAY HAVE JUMPED
  
• okie dokie I've finally got a wisdom gem that I'm actually allowed to leave the area with note to self remember to cause havoc
  
• (I remember when there was a bug back in the 917 loop that allowed you to duplicate wisdom gems... that broke things in a pleasingly ridiculous way...)
  
• oh huh the numbers station voice said something that sounded like 7 and three locations down the relevant branch is 777 go figure
  
• in a severe case of lock-before-key, I now have one of the two clues needed to compute the original final location
  
• Okay time for the old first location on the list, 076. That means I found two sewing machines before my first cipher plate box, which is fucked up.
  
• woah the HD means I can actually see that 875 is not floating in the void but is actually perched on top of one of the big block clusters woah
  
• I continue to be amused by the fact that there is legitimately a theory in 550 called "The Flaming Monkey Theory".
  
• oh huh there's more than one weighing machine it's a new feature of 672 as well
  
• Okay before we do the second part of the 875 branch, starting at 580, we need to nip to the other location clued by its predecessor 076, which is 304, since there we get the clue we need to continue the 642 branch at 442. Still with me?
  
• man I remember 103 being so mindblowing when this game was new... even though it only really confirmed something suggested by sub5, it was still kinda a revela-WAIT THAT WAS ALMOST SEVEN YEARS AGO HOLY SHIT
  
• some of the floating blocks in kol move now too that's p. cool
  
• so this order of visitation means I'm in 614 before 613, which is the opposite way round to how it was originally... that actually works quite well? 'cause you can see the ladder but not reach it?
  
• things that didn't move before continue to be moving now (so I can probably stop mentioning them all) anyway glx is the end of the 642 branch let's back up to 580
  
• do I need to be tabbed in to get the hint from the video 'cause it's taking its swe- there we go
  
• 411 HAS THREE CHILD LOCATIONS HOW DO I FIT THIS ONTO MY NOTEPAD M- nevermind I forgot 317 is one of them that's the earlier sequence break so
  
• one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of the Submachine Universe - what are the coordinates of the teleporter you can see in the distance at the "bottom" of 411?
  
• (we just don't know)
  
• I continue to love how the location clue in btn uses the fact its parent location is the escherscape of 411 and so it doesn't immediately make sense anywhere else
  
• I keep trying to use the propeller blade as a dragon tongue in the various ancient section locs but alas
  
• and now at 992 I find one third of the other half of the original final clue because uh I may have been slightly misleading earlier (and also forgot to mention that another third of it came from the 642 branch oops)
  
• back to the original list it's time for 541 where uh pretty sure the buttons working on the viewing console is a new thing? maybe?
  
• and now I arrive at 006 where I can use the valve I've had for a bit to do something that I don't yet know the consequences of because woohoo foreknowledge!
  
• (stares at the dropzone of rcr) ooooooooooohhhhhh that was kind of a sub10 thing being teased there... dammit...
  
• and now at the end of the first 541 branch I've conveniently already got all the clues to piece together one of the light panel loc clues... and I'm promptly going to ignore it and finish the other branch because order
  
• (oh but 966's karma portal is real good though... nah on to 757 it is)
  
• 'cause actually 757 sends you to 185 which gives you the clue you need to complete the loc clue at 580 to send you to 902...
  
• YEP THESE CAMERA DRONES MAKE SHUTTER NOISES TOO GET THEM AWAY FROM ME
  
• and now from finishing this route at 241 I get the clue I'm gonna need to take with me to 966, a fact I definitely remembered and didn't just realise thirty seconds ago
  
• 966's karma portal wiq continues to be the best (especially because in this visitation order I've already been to 245, which provides... "context"...)
  
• and now I'm just going through the other two light panel puzzles (or, uh, the other two I can do at this point) in order to get the ABC clues and WAS THERE A KEY IN 378 BEFORE?
  
• second longstanding mystery what's supposed to go on the pedestal in hpl? we may never find out
  
• (it's certainly not one of these new items that's for sure)
  
• (dammit Mateusz where are you hiding the new locs I've been carting these obvious inventory puzzle pieces around since the beginning of this playthrough)
  
• oh yeah 'cause of sub10 there'll be even more clutter in 859
  
• wow yep Mateusz has had to put in a second floor to house all his shit (why not use one of the twelve irritatingly empty lockers dammit)
  
• and now for the home straight where you go to 472 and listen to the Swedish Rhapsody numbers station for half a sodding hour
  
• (that is not a thing you have to do but uh I'm me)
  
• and yeah then look under the table, study a room full of nothing but chairs, then do another bit of arithmetic until you end up with...

End of message.

This is update #291.

This is also location 291. Walk left for the uplifting end, right for the portal to mtn and thus the sinister end, and then realise you still haven't visited the last place on your original list, 551, a number that should ring a bell if you've played Submachine before (up to a point) and you've got a clue from 987 that you haven't used and an inventory full of crap you haven't needed and a pile of six wisdom gems and an odd thing back in 051 that you haven't been able to interact with and you need to go to bed.

End of message.

is that like steven universe

This is update #292.

Tonight's special: Dlorphaoke, featuring:

• All-Dlorph (hey now, you're an all-dlorph, get your dlorph on, go dlorph)
  
• Dlorph Dlorphwood (I ain't happy, I'm feeling dlorph / I got dlorphshine, in a dlorph)
  
• Sing it Dlorph (I have dlorphcumbed to this empty dlorphlusion)
  
• Dlorph Dlorphy Dlorphia (dlorphingdlorph, dlorphdlorph, dlorpher in a dlorph dlorph, dlorphan, dlorphin, dlorph of dlorph indlorphion (a.k.a WE DIDN'T START THE DLORPH))
  
• Dlorpherwll (todlorph is dlorpha dlorph the dlorph dlorph dlorph're dlorpha dlorph to dlorph)
  
• Dlorphss (he drinks a whiskey dlorph, he drinks a vodka dlorph)
  
• Dlorpher (so many dlorphs, it happened too dlorph)
  
• Dlorpher Dlorpher Dlorpher Dlorpher (dlorph it dlorpher, dlorph it dlorpher, dlorph it dlorpher, dlorph us dlorpher)
  
• Dlorph Alive (we do what we dlorph because we dlorph / for the dlorph of all dlorph except the dlorphs that are dlorph)
  
• The Dlorph Roll (never gonna dlorph you up)
  
• Dlorphtier Dlorphiatrist (but what does that dlorph? you're a dlorph! you're crazy in the dlorphonut)
  
• Stand by Dlorph (it's been one dlorph since you looked dlorph, dropped your dlorphs to your sides and said "I'm dlorph!")
  
• (and it's just like the dlorph under the dlorph / well it's the same as the dlorph that I get from dlorph)
  

End of message.

Two of the three teams to solve three puzzles have fish-related team names.

I smell something fishy about this.

Passes none of the rules

WE GOT A THIRD PUZZLE!

And it was all thanks to remembering to think of [REDACTED] when we saw the number [REDACTED].

Passes none of the rules

We're only the fifth team to get a third puzzle, too.

Passes none of the rules

This is update #287.

Day two-ish of the Cambridge Puzzle Hunt: there was a glorious period of like three hours where we were actually in the lead

and then Puzzle 4.9 happened

• [12:01 PM] Sruixan: oh god the hints are separate pdfs what
  _
  
• [12:10 PM] Sruixan: wow we are managing to work in two different sheets
  [12:10 PM] Sruixan: you went by sheet number I went by sheet order welp
  [12:10 PM] qwerx3: i'm moving to your sheet
  [12:11 PM] Sruixan: but I'm moving to your she- okay fine my sheet
  _
  
• there's a bit where I try and google something for a puzzle and bulk of the results are for a Supernatural fanfic author who was somewhat obscuring what I was looking for thanks google (oh but it gets worse later)
  _
  
• [12:37 PM] Sruixan: you realise that makes us the first team to solve a D2 puzzle
  [12:37 PM] qwerx3: woohoo!
  [12:37 PM] Sruixan: I got a screenshot
  (...)
  [12:41 PM] Sruixan: turns out yesterday I was accidentally trying to solve one of today's puzzles instead ho hum
  _
  
• AND THEN
  [3:32 PM] qwerx3: so....
  [3:33 PM] qwerx3: we managed to predict [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] a day early
  [3:33 PM] Sruixan: well there you go then
  [3:34 PM] qwerx3: first to 25!
  [3:34 PM] Sruixan: we're now the only team to have solved two puzzles from today (he says, taking a screenshot)
  (there was a typo in the puzzle admittedly so that probably wasn't helping folks)
  _
  
• [4:07 PM] Sruixan: I am pretty sure I just got some funny looks for rocking my laptop back and forth trying to make out shapes in the characters
  _
  
• [5:45 PM] Sruixan: I asked google for the original MS Paint colour palette and it kindly told me the colours of Ms. Paint
  [5:45 PM] Sruixan: which, uh, thanks, I guess
  (IT WAS THE THIRD RESULT)
  _
  
• (the a-ha for Puzzle 4.9 clicks with me)
  [6:40 PM] Sruixan: holy fuck if I'm right I want to both kiss and murder the puzzle constructor
  (currently: sorry, it's the latter)
  _
  
• (qwerx does a good job actually doing what I was thinking of while I sit and moan on the sidelines)
  [11:36 PM] Sruixan: ...does [REDACTED] not have [THING IT TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE GODDAMMIT]?
  [11:36 PM] qwerx3: yep
  [11:37 PM] qwerx3: you know, just to make things harder
  [11:37 PM] Sruixan: urgh
  [11:37 PM] Sruixan: why
  (this is my idea of "contributing")
  _
  
• Fogel very neatly spots the message we're extracting before qwerx is done extracting it. Unfortunately, it is not the answer, despite being incredibly plausible and so we're just kinda sat around feeling miffed.
  

End of message.

Passes rule 4

In fairness, if it were the thing I noticed it would have been very easy to guess.

On the other hand the fact that it's so easy to guess makes it feel like we took a needlessly convoluted route to get to it.

I hope that process has some other use in getting to the solution, otherwise I will be very annoyed.

Passes none of the rules

Bongus McChongus must SCREAM INTO HELL aAAAHAHSDFjhjf1r1t

• why
  
• do
  
• we
  
• exist
  
• Aagadg
  
• Fef
  

GG????? Hhg gik;#??? U#Ugg.,.... Hm

Passes none of the rules

This is update #288.

[1:18 AM] Kíeros: Unbeknownst to most, the 'M' in PMC stands for 'machosism'.

End of message.

Passes none of the rules

This is update #289.

In case you've been wondering why there haven't been any updates since the start of the CPH, here are all the pertinent things we've said these past few days...

• [11:47 AM] qwerx3: welp
  _
  
• [2:02 PM] Granola: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS PUZZLE HUNT
  _
  
• [4:53 PM] DragonFogel: OH WHAT
  _
  
• [10:24 PM] qwerx3: :/
  _
  
• [11:33 PM] qwerx3: :|
  _
  
• [11:47 PM] Sruixan: oh bloody hell really now
  _
  
• [1:26 AM] Sruixan: because:
  
• [1:27 AM] Sruixan: (I just did a palms-up shrug I'll concede that doesn't translate well)
  _
  
• [2:31 AM] Akumu: what
  
• [2:31 AM] Akumu: that sounds awful
  
• [2:38 AM] Akumu: ugh
  _
  
• [12:46 PM] Sruixan: do you think
  
• [12:46 PM] Sruixan: given especially that I've just found I can drag the coloured text
  
• [12:46 PM] Sruixan: that they really fucked up
  
• [12:47 PM] qwerx3: facepalm intensifies
  _
  
• [12:51 PM] Sruixan: twitch
  [1:03 PM] Sruixan: urgh
  _
  
• [7:36 PM] DragonFogel: Ugh.
  _
  
• [12:41 AM] Akumu: What else does this dang puzzle want us to do
  [12:46 AM] Sruixan: suffer
  _
  
• [2:05 AM] qwerx3: that's ok, i can confirm these puzzles aren't great
  _
  
• [2:16 AM] Sruixan: why
  _
  
• [5:04 PM] Sruixan: oh hnrgh
  _
  
• [7:28 PM] Sruixan: flailing
  _
  
• [7:39 PM] DragonFogel: Maybe we should just make a list of "how not to make your puzzle hunt frustrating for the wrong reasons" and distribute it to various organizers.
  [7:39 PM] DragonFogel: (then they'll find new ways to do it)
  [7:43 PM] DragonFogel: Honestly, I've hit a point of strong apathy about this hunt, and I say this even though we're likely to finish in the top ten or so (I haven't actually checked where we are right now because, as I said, apathy).
  [7:43 PM] Sruixan: yeah my "let's look at this" lasted about ten minutes before succumbing to apathy
  [7:43 PM] Sruixan: we're fourth, with no way of getting into third
  [7:44 PM] DragonFogel: How is it we feel so drained in a hunt where we have fourth place.
  [7:45 PM] Sruixan: we could probably stay in fourth if we got another solve or two, depending on how drained Magpie are feeling
  _
  
• [7:54 PM] DragonFogel: If we change our team name it will be to "why do we keep doing this to ourselves".
  [7:54 PM] DragonFogel: Unless someone else takes that one first, I guess.
  _
  
• [8:03 PM] DragonFogel: There are teams going "how the heck is Team Eagle Time doing so well".
  [8:03 PM] DragonFogel: Which I don't know the answer to either.
  [8:04 PM] DragonFogel: Other than "everyone else is doing worse".
  _
  
• [8:06 PM] Akumu: Hint the extraction you jerks
  [8:07 PM] Akumu: You jackanapes
  [8:07 PM] Akumu: You buffoons
  _
  
• [1:35 PM] Akumu: I swear to god
  [1:35 PM] Akumu: We get it
  [1:35 PM] Akumu: It's
  Show Content

  Spoiler
  [1:35 PM] Akumu: We got that on day one
  [1:35 PM] Sruixan: morning aks
  [1:36 PM] Akumu: Aaaaagh
  _
  
• [5:31 PM] Sruixan: strictly speaking we could theoretically solve another puzzle
  [5:31 PM] Sruixan: but: pfft
  _
  
• [7:06 PM] Sruixan: WHAT IS REQUIRED OF ME
  _
  
• [7:31 PM] DragonFogel: Good luck with reading the organizers' minds.

tl;dr - AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

End of message.

Passes rules 4 and 5

This is a hint for puzzle #3:

[spoiler]These planet descriptions seem a bit ridiculous without context, I suppose, so why not try sticking to the facts and figures? Playing the numbers game might tell you where (or when) to look...

This is puzzle #3: Dispatches From The Outer Cosmos

CLUSTER 2016/17
BRIGHTEST STAR: F2IV/V
NOTEWORTHY PLANETS:

• This planet is often overlooked in favour of a potentially habitable Earth-sized world orbiting four and a half times further out, but this one's the largest in the system. On the other hand, it's home only to a trio of animals, one of whom is constantly seeking to expand its menagerie ménage à trois...
  
• Not much is known about this planet - it takes just 94 hours to complete an orbit (semi-major axis 4.5 million miles) about its rotationally variable parent star, and is the smallest of three. Its natives however, disseminated throughout the galaxy, are notorious for getting het up over simple card games, and are thus very much known about.

CLUSTER 2017
BRIGHTEST STAR: F5IV/V
NOTEWORTHY PLANETS:

• Remarkably, the planets of this system all orbit in the same plane, aligned with the rotation of its K-type star. The inhabitants of the outermost (which, actually, is only out at ~0.5AU) are very serious about two things above all else: consensual sex and constant questioning. Their development of interstellar travel caused no end of headaches...
  
• Orbiting a metal-rich red dwarf every five days, this "mini-Neptune" has a radius roughly two and a half times that of Earth's. One of its moons is a dedicated psychiatric hospital for strangely-disguised squirrels, run by the sole remaning member of the native species.

CLUSTER 2016
BRIGHTEST STAR: K3III-IV
NOTEWORTHY PLANETS:

• This lava world found fame in its hellishness; being so close to its parent star, it zips around it in just eight and a half hours and has a surface temperature of ~2500K! Its inhabitants place great value in cold things, which is somewhat understandable, and some partake of a peculiar ritual involving frozen hydrogen, which really isn't.
  
• Orbiting around 73.5 million miles from a Sun-sized star, this Neptune-esque planet was long ago the cradle of a race that lived in sophisticated constructions towering above its solid core. Nowadays, a religious sect from a neighbouring star sail about its atmosphere in search of these...

CLUSTER 2015b
BRIGHEST STAR: K3III
NOTEWORTHY PLANETS:

• Here's a planet orbiting a star that's ascending the red giant branch - in other words, it's expanding and will engulf this planet in about 55 million years. In light of this, its entire population has dedicated itself to what they hope will be their legacy: an explosive that will tastefully rearrange at least two rooms of your house. Well, it keeps them happy...
  
• This planet has a circumbinary orbit about its parents, despite doing so rather closer than what should have been inner limit for planet formation about a binary star. Being roughly half gas and half rock and ice, it's not the most liveable of places (especially not at an average temperature of 188K!), and indeed its residents refrain from grumbling only because of the ballistic devices (assigned by the government to each and every individual) that keep them very much in line...

CLUSTER 2015a
BRIGHTEST STAR: A1
NOTEWORTHY PLANETS:

• Another gas giant with a circumbinary orbit, this about a pair dwarfs. What sets this one apart is just how wobbly it is, with the tilt of its spin axis varying by about 30 degrees every eleven years or so! The two lovers that staff the research ship in its atmosphere constantly bicker about the future of their feline companion, with one of them hopeful it might join a posse... the other is not so sure...
  
• This planet does not exist. In this system, there's a planet at 5.7 million miles, another at 10.5, and then... nothing. Certainly not another three more planets, that's for sure. And yet, legend has it that, once upon a time, at the fringes of this system lay a world in the grip of a biomechanical empress, whose literal iron fist prevailed for thousands of years. Upon her inevitable corrosion, a monument was erected both to and from her in perpetual polar grimace... but, in the absence of the relevant planets, surely this can only be myth?

End of message.

I have determined with absolutely no hand-holding that the answer to this puzzle is NICOLAUS COPERNICUS.

i helped

nose bleeds are unpleasant

This is update #293.

• so previously I got the first ending(s) and now it's time to get the others - I'd call them "bonus" endings, of a sort, but endings don't really occur in this game. Anything I'm calling an end is just the culmination of an overarching set of puzzles...
  
• This next ending requires you to visit every teleporter location that appeared in the main series of games, starting from 551. You also need to complete the 051 branch, which I did at the start of this playthrough. Strictly speaking you don't need to explore the 051 branch at all in order to reach 291, but because of the sequence break mentioned earlier it's kind of convenient to do so
  
• (let's get really involved - the sequence break was clearly intentional, and I reckon it's because it leads you to 806, a location that appeared in the original games at a point when its teleporter was broken; consequently, you do indeed visit all the teleporter locations from the original game whilst working towards this ending...)
  
• so here's a mystery from the series that the Submachine Universe did actually solve - peeps wanted to know what was behind the door in 747, so Mateusz cheekily obliged...
  
• OKAY THERE'S A NEW THING IN 728
  
• IT'S A PUZZLE THEN A PORTAL THEN A PUZZLE and now I need to backtrack oh my goodness
  
• *squealing*
  
• SO THAT'S HOW YOU GET TO THAT LOCATION
  
• it's just as beautiful (by which I mean "purple") as I expected it to be *sniff*
  
• Mateusz why is there a machine here with thirteen toggle switches
  
• well woohoo I found some of the new stuff now back to business
  
• oh yeah bells exist I need to ring those
  
• I continue to appreciate how Mateusz included the secret location in 552 from its original appearance in sub5 but left it absolutely empty, just to bemuse
  
• this series is entirely responsible for my aesthetic appreciation of plumbing (for example: kar)
  
• one slight hitch with the whole "revisit locations from previous games" schtick is that you latch on to it very quickly and thus basically know where to go already - the game deals with this by basically branching paths as often as possible so that you only have to visit like three of these locs to get the coordinates for two-thirds of the revisits... it doesn't exactly work...
  
• case in point 104 has four child locations HOW AM I MEANT TO PUT THIS INTO MY NOTEPAD
  
• still by the time you've mopped up all the splits and assembled the final light panel puzzle... you're eventually led to 001... you started in 000 so uh
  
• like if you were going to "blind jump" and just put in semi-random numbers 001 might have been rather plausible just saying
  
• admittedly you don't have the key to the lab unless you've done one of the 051 branches but then you can just go right instead? there's no real progress to be made in chr I suppose but whatever
  
• so yeah in the lab you can use a wisdom gem to get the clue for aforementioned 613... or you can be observant and find the hidden portal to jul - the former was in the game earlier, so I'll do it first
  
• 613 is literally a couple of yards from 614 except there's a fucking chasm in the way, and from this side you can descend a ladder into said chasm to find pretty much nothing but a theory and another clue...
  
• and now from the final location in this branch we get the other half of the clue from way back in 987... and it leads to "ending" #2 at 355 - technically 355 now clues 291 again, but this was really the last step of the 051 & 551 branch puzzles... except...
  
• two matters to attend to: first, the copper plate you pick up in 355 needs to be brought all the way back to 051, where it unlocks the karma portal to mlp. this isn't necessary for anything else. you just get to look at some horse statues because come on look at the loc name and sigh with me
  
• second and more interestingly, the hidden portal in 001 takes you to another place with delightful plumbing, which starts another branch whose puzzle has already been handled by this point (all the way back in 006, using the valve from 628), meaning you can just walk straight to ptl. there is no cake there, but as endings go it does have a rather more celebratory tone than its partner back at 355
  
• BUT WE'RE STILL NOT DONE
  
• there's another very well-hidden clue back at 232 that I forgot about on my first pass, and there's another "ending" when you follow that for a while (also it's where the Pyramid Key goes I'd also forgotten that wasn't new)
  
• and then with a whistlestop tour of the three locations that aren't clued anywhere in the subnet (easter eggs that you either blind jump to or make very educated guesses) and a quick check of the wiki to ensure that there are indeed only two new locations (for a total of 103), plus the two extensions of existing locations and there we go done and dusted
  
• (fun fact: I counted the loc files before I started and went in thinking there were three new locations - turns out there's a duplicate location file included in this release because Mateusz legitimately couldn't figure out which one he'd accidentally doubled up on, said "screw it" and just sent the game out like this)
  
• OH GOD THERE'S A TWO AND A HALF HOUR LIVESTREAM OF MATEUSZ PLAYING THE GAME AND MAPPING IT OUT WITH PROPER PEN-AND-PAPER NOTETAKING BECAUSE IT HAD BEEN SIX YEARS SINCE HE'D LAST HAD TO CONSIDER ITS OVERALL STRUCTURE
  
• anyone wanna talk a wild guess what update #294 is gonna be about

End of message.

This is a trick.

I have determined with absolutely no hand-holding that the answer to this puzzle is NICOLAUS COPERNICUS.

NICOLAUS COPERNICUS is the correct answer to puzzle #3! And yep, just to reiterate, absolutely no hand-holding was needed whatsoever...

-~-~-~-~-~-~

This is puzzle #4: Puzzler's Corner #????

pmcpuzzle4.mp3
(note: a complete transcript is not required to solve this puzzle, and you won't need to determine exact timestamps either)

Credits (not part of the puzzle):

Show Content

Spoiler
"Axel Braxel's Laboratory" by Peggy Suave
"Awe" by Helios
340259 (blippy.wav) - kaboose102

End of message.

TEST POST, PLEASE IGNORE

<DragonFogel> Girth, sing a song about the Space Consortium.
<Manbot> the Space Consortium is supposedly crooked!
<Girth> Yeah, the Space Consortium is pretty clean, baby.
<Girth> Yeah, the Space Consortium is pretty weak, baby.
<Manbot> I always want to stare unblinkingly at the Space Consortium!
<Girth> In my opinion the Space Consortium isn't too mesmerizing!
<Manbot> the Space Consortium undeniably makes me want to sniff the Space Consortium!
<Girth> ...IN SPACE!
<Manbot> ...IN SPACE!
<Girth> Hold your horses!

<DragonFogel> Girth, sing a space song.
<Girth> His methods far too blunt
<Manbot> Little high, little low
<Girth> Carry on, carry on
<Manbot> Slowly growing canine teeth
<Girth> Join the triumph of the skies
<Manbot> O'er the hills we go
<Girth> Joyful all ye nations rise
<Manbot> The gene that drives the beast
<Girth> His methods far too blunt
<Manbot> The curse of double helix brings only racial wars
<Girth> ...IN SPACE!
<Manbot> You heard about me in the frontier wars
<Manbot> ...IN SPACE!

v

w

This is puzzle #3: Dispatches From The Outer Cosmos

CLUSTER 2016/17
BRIGHTEST STAR: F2IV/V
NOTEWORTHY PLANETS:

• This planet is often overlooked in favour of a potentially habitable Earth-sized world orbiting four and a half times further out, but this one's the largest in the system. On the other hand, it's home only to a trio of animals, one of whom is constantly seeking to expand its menagerie ménage à trois...
  
• Not much is known about this planet - it takes just 94 hours to complete an orbit (semi-major axis 4.5 million miles) about its rotationally variable parent star, and is the smallest of three. Its natives however, disseminated throughout the galaxy, are notorious for getting het up over simple card games, and are thus very much known about.

CLUSTER 2017
BRIGHTEST STAR: F5IV/V
NOTEWORTHY PLANETS:

• Remarkably, the planets of this system all orbit in the same plane, aligned with the rotation of its K-type star. The inhabitants of the outermost (which, actually, is only out at ~0.5AU) are very serious about two things above all else: consensual sex and constant questioning. Their development of interstellar travel caused no end of headaches...
  
• Orbiting a metal-rich red dwarf every five days, this "mini-Neptune" has a radius roughly two and a half times that of Earth's. One of its moons is a dedicated psychiatric hospital for strangely-disguised squirrels, run by the sole remaning member of the native species.

CLUSTER 2016
BRIGHTEST STAR: K3III-IV
NOTEWORTHY PLANETS:

• This lava world found fame in its hellishness; being so close to its parent star, it zips around it in just eight and a half hours and has a surface temperature of ~2500K! Its inhabitants place great value in cold things, which is somewhat understandable, and some partake of a peculiar ritual involving frozen hydrogen, which really isn't.
  
• Orbiting around 73.5 million miles from a Sun-sized star, this Neptune-esque planet was long ago the cradle of a race that lived in sophisticated constructions towering above its solid core. Nowadays, a religious sect from a neighbouring star sail about its atmosphere in search of these...

CLUSTER 2015b
BRIGHEST STAR: K3III
NOTEWORTHY PLANETS:

• Here's a planet orbiting a star that's ascending the red giant branch - in other words, it's expanding and will engulf this planet in about 55 million years. In light of this, its entire population has dedicated itself to what they hope will be their legacy: an explosive that will tastefully rearrange at least two rooms of your house. Well, it keeps them happy...
  
• This planet has a circumbinary orbit about its parents, despite doing so rather closer than what should have been inner limit for planet formation about a binary star. Being roughly half gas and half rock and ice, it's not the most liveable of places (especially not at an average temperature of 188K!), and indeed its residents refrain from grumbling only because of the ballistic devices (assigned by the government to each and every individual) that keep them very much in line...

CLUSTER 2015a
BRIGHTEST STAR: A1
NOTEWORTHY PLANETS:

• Another gas giant with a circumbinary orbit, this about a pair dwarfs. What sets this one apart is just how wobbly it is, with the tilt of its spin axis varying by about 30 degrees every eleven years or so! The two lovers that staff the research ship in its atmosphere constantly bicker about the future of their feline companion, with one of them hopeful it might join a posse... the other is not so sure...
  
• This planet does not exist. In this system, there's a planet at 5.7 million miles, another at 10.5, and then... nothing. Certainly not another three more planets, that's for sure. And yet, legend has it that, once upon a time, at the fringes of this system lay a world in the grip of a biomechanical empress, whose literal iron fist prevailed for thousands of years. Upon her inevitable corrosion, a monument was erected both to and from her in perpetual polar grimace... but, in the absence of the relevant planets, surely this can only be myth?

End of message.

I have determined with absolutely no hand-holding that the answer to this puzzle is NICOLAUS COPERNICUS.

NICOLAUS COPERNICUS passes rule 3! Fun fact: if I graded this exact post again it would pass rule 3 again, and again once more. Thanks to our good friend Nick.

i helped

Passes rule 2

nose bleeds are unpleasant

Passes rule 2

This is update #293.

• so previously I got the first ending(s) and now it's time to get the others - I'd call them "bonus" endings, of a sort, but endings don't really occur in this game. Anything I'm calling an end is just the culmination of an overarching set of puzzles...
  
• This next ending requires you to visit every teleporter location that appeared in the main series of games, starting from 551. You also need to complete the 051 branch, which I did at the start of this playthrough. Strictly speaking you don't need to explore the 051 branch at all in order to reach 291, but because of the sequence break mentioned earlier it's kind of convenient to do so
  
• (let's get really involved - the sequence break was clearly intentional, and I reckon it's because it leads you to 806, a location that appeared in the original games at a point when its teleporter was broken; consequently, you do indeed visit all the teleporter locations from the original game whilst working towards this ending...)
  
• so here's a mystery from the series that the Submachine Universe did actually solve - peeps wanted to know what was behind the door in 747, so Mateusz cheekily obliged...
  
• OKAY THERE'S A NEW THING IN 728
  
• IT'S A PUZZLE THEN A PORTAL THEN A PUZZLE and now I need to backtrack oh my goodness
  
• *squealing*
  
• SO THAT'S HOW YOU GET TO THAT LOCATION
  
• it's just as beautiful (by which I mean "purple") as I expected it to be *sniff*
  
• Mateusz why is there a machine here with thirteen toggle switches
  
• well woohoo I found some of the new stuff now back to business
  
• oh yeah bells exist I need to ring those
  
• I continue to appreciate how Mateusz included the secret location in 552 from its original appearance in sub5 but left it absolutely empty, just to bemuse
  
• this series is entirely responsible for my aesthetic appreciation of plumbing (for example: kar)
  
• one slight hitch with the whole "revisit locations from previous games" schtick is that you latch on to it very quickly and thus basically know where to go already - the game deals with this by basically branching paths as often as possible so that you only have to visit like three of these locs to get the coordinates for two-thirds of the revisits... it doesn't exactly work...
  
• case in point 104 has four child locations HOW AM I MEANT TO PUT THIS INTO MY NOTEPAD
  
• still by the time you've mopped up all the splits and assembled the final light panel puzzle... you're eventually led to 001... you started in 000 so uh
  
• like if you were going to "blind jump" and just put in semi-random numbers 001 might have been rather plausible just saying
  
• admittedly you don't have the key to the lab unless you've done one of the 051 branches but then you can just go right instead? there's no real progress to be made in chr I suppose but whatever
  
• so yeah in the lab you can use a wisdom gem to get the clue for aforementioned 613... or you can be observant and find the hidden portal to jul - the former was in the game earlier, so I'll do it first
  
• 613 is literally a couple of yards from 614 except there's a fucking chasm in the way, and from this side you can descend a ladder into said chasm to find pretty much nothing but a theory and another clue...
  
• and now from the final location in this branch we get the other half of the clue from way back in 987... and it leads to "ending" #2 at 355 - technically 355 now clues 291 again, but this was really the last step of the 051 & 551 branch puzzles... except...
  
• two matters to attend to: first, the copper plate you pick up in 355 needs to be brought all the way back to 051, where it unlocks the karma portal to mlp. this isn't necessary for anything else. you just get to look at some horse statues because come on look at the loc name and sigh with me
  
• second and more interestingly, the hidden portal in 001 takes you to another place with delightful plumbing, which starts another branch whose puzzle has already been handled by this point (all the way back in 006, using the valve from 628), meaning you can just walk straight to ptl. there is no cake there, but as endings go it does have a rather more celebratory tone than its partner back at 355
  
• BUT WE'RE STILL NOT DONE
  
• there's another very well-hidden clue back at 232 that I forgot about on my first pass, and there's another "ending" when you follow that for a while (also it's where the Pyramid Key goes I'd also forgotten that wasn't new)
  
• and then with a whistlestop tour of the three locations that aren't clued anywhere in the subnet (easter eggs that you either blind jump to or make very educated guesses) and a quick check of the wiki to ensure that there are indeed only two new locations (for a total of 103), plus the two extensions of existing locations and there we go done and dusted
  
• (fun fact: I counted the loc files before I started and went in thinking there were three new locations - turns out there's a duplicate location file included in this release because Mateusz legitimately couldn't figure out which one he'd accidentally doubled up on, said "screw it" and just sent the game out like this)
  
• OH GOD THERE'S A TWO AND A HALF HOUR LIVESTREAM OF MATEUSZ PLAYING THE GAME AND MAPPING IT OUT WITH PROPER PEN-AND-PAPER NOTETAKING BECAUSE IT HAD BEEN SIX YEARS SINCE HE'D LAST HAD TO CONSIDER ITS OVERALL STRUCTURE
  
• anyone wanna talk a wild guess what update #294 is gonna be about

End of message.

Passes rule 3.

This is a trick.

Passes rules 1 and 2.

I have determined with absolutely no hand-holding that the answer to this puzzle is NICOLAUS COPERNICUS.

NICOLAUS COPERNICUS is the correct answer to puzzle #3! And yep, just to reiterate, absolutely no hand-holding was needed whatsoever...

-~-~-~-~-~-~

This is puzzle #4: Puzzler's Corner #????

pmcpuzzle4.mp3
(note: a complete transcript is not required to solve this puzzle, and you won't need to determine exact timestamps either)

Credits (not part of the puzzle):

Show Content

Spoiler
"Axel Braxel's Laboratory" by Peggy Suave
"Awe" by Helios
340259 (blippy.wav) - kaboose102

End of message.

Passes rule 3, thanks to NICOLAUS COPERNICUS!

TEST POST, PLEASE IGNORE

Passes rule 2

<DragonFogel> Girth, sing a song about the Space Consortium.
<Manbot> the Space Consortium is supposedly crooked!
<Girth> Yeah, the Space Consortium is pretty clean, baby.
<Girth> Yeah, the Space Consortium is pretty weak, baby.
<Manbot> I always want to stare unblinkingly at the Space Consortium!
<Girth> In my opinion the Space Consortium isn't too mesmerizing!
<Manbot> the Space Consortium undeniably makes me want to sniff the Space Consortium!
<Girth> ...IN SPACE!
<Manbot> ...IN SPACE!
<Girth> Hold your horses!

Passes none of the rules.

<DragonFogel> Girth, sing a space song.
<Girth> His methods far too blunt
<Manbot> Little high, little low
<Girth> Carry on, carry on
<Manbot> Slowly growing canine teeth
<Girth> Join the triumph of the skies
<Manbot> O'er the hills we go
<Girth> Joyful all ye nations rise
<Manbot> The gene that drives the beast
<Girth> His methods far too blunt
<Manbot> The curse of double helix brings only racial wars
<Girth> ...IN SPACE!
<Manbot> You heard about me in the frontier wars
<Manbot> ...IN SPACE!

Passes none of the rules.

v

Passes rules 1 and 2

w

Passes rules 1 and 2

Oh, I meant to post lamenting Sruix's absence in this thread, not the easier one.

Well, we haven't made much progress in either, so I guess it's fine.

Day two of puzzles: not going as good as day one.

On the positive side: we solved one of the least-solved puzzles of the new set.
On the negative: we haven't solved any others.

The Post Making Context is now lean and trim again, and hopefully the forum will be too!

Threads can creep a bit over 100 pages with no problem so in the event this thread bumps over that next time I can split things off the back end instead of the front?

Behold! As I post, not just one post appears, but two!

your post isn't a ghost post? Dragon Fogel?? More like Foolgel?

guys i just want to say i straight up have no idea how to solve one of these. any pointers?

Well, usually what happens is we have no idea so we just post nonsense.

Then one of the pieces of nonsense passes a rule we have trouble passing and usually that's when it becomes a meme.

When we actually attempt to solve PMC rounds, usually what we do is look at posts that pass a particular rule and see if we can spot anything similar about them. If that doesn't work, we ask for hints.

Sometimes we just flat-out interrogate the host on Discord and get very heavy hints.

This post probably doesn't pass rule 4, I don't know, I haven't been paying that much attention this round.