Consistency II

Three years have passed. And nothing has changed.

Sure, you found the treasure. And yeah, it was valuable. But you haven't really done anything with all of your money. Your life is much as it was before you set out on your last grand adventure.

It almost makes you wonder what the point was. It's not like you even stopped de Barone for good, you just kept the Sea Pendant out of his clutches. He's still got his wealth and his corporation, he'll just move on to other nefarious schemes.

Well. It's not your job to worry about everything he does. You're only thwarting his treasure-hunting, not his aggressive mergers or his bribery. And he's stayed quiet on the treasure front, at least for now.

You almost wish he wasn't. It's been a long time since you had a lead on something.

The phone rings. For a moment, you wonder if your luck's about to change, but it's probably just the landlord.

You pick up and answer.

"This is George," says the voice on the other end.

George! He never calls you unless he's onto something real big. What could it be?

bird noises its jellyfish

he wants your rent money. george is your landlord

>A large catapult

>Perhaps it has something to do with the space dragon parked in the parking lot.

bird noises its jellyfish

Yes, the secret ingredient in your tacos is jellyfish. Not that you can ever let your worthless son know that. If he tried to make tacos the way you did, it would threaten the entire world.

Come to think of it, you're not sure where he is right now. You hope he hasn't gone on a journey to meet the ancient and wise Razzle-Dazzle to learn your secrets. Not because he'd succeed, but because he's dumb enough to get himself killed by those stupid trials. He may be a disappointment to you in every way you can imagine, but you don't want to see him dead.

Anyhow, the jellyfish is properly cooked and the tacos will be done soon. You take a quick break to check your e-mail.

Wait. Your husband sent you one saying he's bringing a guest to dinner. You weren't ready for a guest! You quickly read the e-mail to see who it is, maybe you still have time to prepare.

Wait. WHO is he bringing?

he wants your rent money. george is your landlord

Of course! That's why you found this whole exchange so odd.

"Why should I give you my rent money when George is my landlord?" you ask the alligator. He's taken aback. Clearly he thought his smooth-talking had gone over better.

"Well, uh, I'm collecting it on George's behalf," says the alligator. "Because he's very busy right now, with, uh, a duel to the death at McDieval's. You know, one of those types who could pay cash but always insists on a duel."

Hmm. You're not sure about this. There's still something funny about the alligator's explanation, even though it does fit what you know about George's spending habits. Personally, you prefer debit.

Maybe there's a question you could ask him that could help you make up your mind.

>A large catapult

Yeah, your A Large Catapult card could get this stupid kid over you. Too bad you're a gateway and you can't actually talk or use cards yourself. Why is it everytime a potential savior has to go to the Golden Palace, they're always just so terrible at using their cards?

Well, you do have some powers as the Silver Gates that you can actually control. They mostly involve making you shinier, but you have nothing better to do than figure out a way to use that to explain things to the kid.

Not that you expect a kid this dumb to actually notice.

>Perhaps it has something to do with the space dragon parked in the parking lot.

You've just had it with this prisoner's blatantly false answers. That last one was even less believable than when they said it was batteries to the doomsday device. So you decide to be a little more specific, after a few more kicks to the prisoner's shins of course.

"Does this device of yours have anything to do with the space dragon parked in our parking lot?" you ask.

The prisoner looks confused.

"You have a parking lot?" he asks finally. "Can I see it?"

Well, you definitely weren't prepared for that answer. This interrogation is going completely wrong.

Maybe you can use his interest in the parking lot to your advantage somehow, though. But how?

ducks

>Appreciate their commitment for sticking to the story

Mechanical lizard guard.

Bannana

ducks

Yes! The protagonist ducks, avoiding the fearsome blow! And this sets her up to deliver the final punch, knocking out her opponent!

Now all you need to finish this scene is a good one-liner for the protagonist to spout afterwards.

>Appreciate their commitment for sticking to the story

Yes, you are very impressed at the perseverence of this spider-powered superhero, who has been on the side of the same floor of your building for three weeks now. Some of your neighbors are annoyed that they aren't off fighting crime, but the crime rate is very low these days.

Now the only question is how you can show your appreciation to the spider-powered superhero. After all, you wouldn't want them to think nobody cares and become discouraged! So what can you do for them?

Mechanical lizard guard.

Yes! You'll invent a mechanical lizard guard to protect the rest of your inventions! It's such a brilliant idea that you're surprised you haven't thought of it before.

But there's one very important matter to consider before you begin drafting blueprints. What sort of lizard should it be based on?

Bannana

You write down "Bannana" on your spelling test. Surely that's correct! Your perfect spelling record will remain unblemished!

But wait. Moments after you turn it in, you realize that the correct spelling is "Banana"! Oh no! Your record will be ruined!

There's only one thing to do. You'll have to get the spelling officially changed before your teacher marks the tests! But how can you even start on such a campaign?

Three-pronged spear.

"Three-pronged spear," you explain to the... passerby? Wait, there's nobody here.

Well, that's weird. You distinctly remember somebody asking questions, so you were trying to pass off the thing you stole as a three-pronged spear, but now you're just alone in the street. Without the thing you stole. Well, dang it, so much for tonight's job.

You rush back to steal something else, but now there's a mechanical lizard of some sort guarding the lab. What the hell? You can believe your theft would have been noticed, but surely there's no way the scientist could have built a mechanical lizard so quickly.

But you need to steal something valuable from the lab, or you'll be in big trouble. So how are you going to get past the guard?

Axolotl boxing.

The good ol' throw-a-can-of-soup-at-them trick

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Make a lemonade stand

The good ol' throw-a-can-of-soup-at-them trick

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noteoh no, the other one has 2 1 more repliesy than this one! i'll fix this by posting only in this one, no matter how much i want to post in both.

Make International Talk Like A Pirate Day plans.