Consistency 2

You'd thought it was over.

You thought you'd taken care of everything and left that life behind.

You should have known it wouldn't be that simple. There's always another tyrant looking for even more power, so of course someone like that would come looking for the Argite Crystals sooner or later.

Turns out it was sooner. Now they've come looking for you, because you're the biggest threat to their plans.

So first things first. You've got to get out of this office building, preferably without drawing too much attention to yourself. How are you going to do that?

the old razzle-dazzle

>A large catapult.

>Teleport.

u r georg calling a friend

the old razzle-dazzle

You've finally reached the cave of the ancient and wise Razzle-Dazzle. Now at last you can have your important question answered.

But wait. As you step in, you hear a voice calling to you.

"You must complete three trials before I grant you knowledge," it says. "Should you fail any of the trials, your life is forfeit. This is your last chance to turn back."

You pause to consider whether you're willing to risk your life to learn your mother's taco recipe. But it only takes you a moment to realize that of course you are. You have to press on.

So what is the first trial before you?

>A large catapult.

"I'll take a large catapult with that," you tell the cashier. "No fries, though."

"Sure, sure. So that's one Maceburger with a large catapult... will you be paying by cash, credit, debit card, or duel to the death?"

"Duel to the death," you reply. It's the only sensible choice.

"Very well, sir. Which of our fine weapons will you choose for the duel? We currently offer a crossbow, a harpoon, and a battering ram. Please note that we do not offer refunds on duels to the death if you are not satisfied with your meal."

Hmm. You were hoping for a cat-o-nine-tails. This is going to be a much harder choice. Which weapon will you select?

>Teleport.

Right, you discard the Teleport card. You can't see what use the ability to instantly transport to any location of your choice would be on your quest to reach the Golden Palace. No, you're better off with these other cards, which will allow you to make silly faces, sing a children's song, conjure a meal you don't like, ride a bicycle, and tell you the worst possible course of action you could take at any given moment in time.

In fact, you use that last one for guidance, and it tells you that the worst possible action you could take would be discarding the Teleport card. Hmm. Must be broken.

Well, before you can refresh your hand, you'll have to get past the Silver Gates. How can you use your cards to open or otherwise bypass them?

u r georg calling a friend

"U.R. Georg Calling A Friend", you tell your interrogator. She glares at you and kicks you in the shins.

"You really expect me to believe that's your name? Well, whatever. It only matters for telling your home country we've captured you. If you don't want them to release you, that's your problem, not mine."

But that is your name! Gosh, she hasn't believed anything you've told her. She even said the codes to the weapons facility were fake, and she thought you were lying when you explained your country's nine-step plan for world domination. You're trying to be helpful here! What more does she want?

"Now cut the crap and tell me what the thing we found in your backpack does. For real this time."

You already told her that it's one of the batteries to the doomsday device. But since apparently that's not good enough, you guess you'll have to come up with a different answer this time.

bears

>Stick to the story

>It's a bomb that destroys the space between our dimension and the IInd dimension. You should be really careful with that

Three-pronged spear.

Banana

Three-pronged spear.

Except it's called a Threek

bears

Yes! The protagonist bears the brunt of the blow! She staggers backwards, fumbles around behind her, and finds a weapon, with which she bounces back and strikes her foe unconscious! It's the perfect finale to the scene!

Hmm. But what weapon should it be? This is a very important decision that could alter the entire direction of the plot.

>Stick to the story

No, you can't think too hard about that spider-powered superhero who's been crawling around on the same floor of your building for three weeks. You've got a deadline coming up, after all! You've got to find something newsworthy to report on!

But what could that possibly be? This is such a boring city, despite its size. There's hardly even any crime! What's even happened lately that's at all interesting?

>It's a bomb that destroys the space between our dimension and the IInd dimension. You should be really careful with that

Yes! This will be your greatest invention yet!  A bomb that destroys the space between dimensions! Obviously, such a device would be very dangerous and should be kept out of the wrong hands, but you're always a very careful scientist.

But the night after you finish it, you're woken up by a loud explosion. You head to your lab and find the bomb is gone! Someone must have tried to steal it and set it off! Oh, if only you had some sort of sentinel to guard your laboratory!

But the bomb doesn't seem to have gone off in your laboratory. Perhaps the thief escaped and the bomb detonated elsewhere. You're going to need to use your genius to think of a way to determine where the explosion happened.

Banana

You write down "Banana" on your spelling test. You feel silly for ever doubting your spelling skills. They are, of course, perfect.

But as you hand in the test, you feel strange. You feel as though your perfection is limiting you. That without the experience of making mistakes, you are failing to learn all you could.

Well. It's fine to get another perfect score on this test, that's no problem. But you need to make a big mistake of some kind soon. How can you go about doing that?

Three-pronged spear.

Except it's called a Threek

"Except it's called a Threek", you say, but you feel strange. Who were you talking to? There's no one here.

And yet, somehow you remember someone saying "Three-pronged spear". But who? The more you try to focus on their face, the less clear it becomes.

More importantly, what are you going to do about all this shrapnel? You're not even sure how it got here, but it's making a mess all over the street, and somebody might step on it.

Card dealer.

Make a lemonade stand

z

The good ol' throw-a-can-of-soup-at-them trick

Make Arbor Day plans.