Consistency

How do you not own that already!? Pick up the phone!

Murder! Murder in the court!

Yes yes y'all, to the beat y'all, the hip hop y'all, you don't stop, to the hip hop, to the breakadawn!

Drop and give me twenty.

You drop to the floor and give the mugger twenty bucks. He smirks.

"Good, good. That'll do for now. Go on, scram. Before I change my mind!"

You get up and run. You need to get out of this part of town, fast. Chances are that guy wasn't the only unsavory character around here. But how can you avoid another unpleasant encounter like that? They won't all be satisfied with just twenty bucks, after all.

How do you not own that already!? Pick up the phone!

Damn straight! Multinational Inc. is not going to stand for this company conducting business independently! You make a call to their CEO informing him that you're buying him out.

"No you're not," he says.

You ask him why not.

"Because I'm buying you out! Have you seen your stock prices lately?"

You check your computer and... holy crap, shares of Multinational Inc. are dropping in value fast! You'd better do something about this, before your competitor buys a controlling interest!

Murder! Murder in the court!

You laugh maniacally and bash everyone in the courtroom to death with your gavel. There's no escape. Bailiff, prosecutor, defendant, stenographer, witnesses, jury... all dead.

Which means they're going to be very suspicious if you're the only survivor of the massacre. You'll have to either come up with a very good alibi, or fake your own death. What's your plan??

Yes yes y'all, to the beat y'all, the hip hop y'all, you don't stop, to the hip hop, to the breakadawn!

You shout "Yes yes y'all, to the beat y'all, the hip hop y'all, you don't stop, to the hip hop, to the breakadawn!" The door to the cavern opens.

You've found it. The secret lair of Sweet Ali Baba and his Forty Gangstas. All the treasure they've stolen is here. Now you can shut them down!

Wait... You just heard a noise. Is Sweet Ali coming?

You'd better do something, fast. You can't risk being caught now.

Jazz get the we.

Watch your watch - but which one?

That witch is which.

Who put the bomp in the bomp bomp shu bomp?

Jazz get the we.

CD jazz the purchase to decide you, deliberation much after. Counter the to head and shelf the off it take you.

Sounds alarm an, suddenly! Store the of out run man masked a see you, around looking. Leaves he as jacket his on emblem familiar a notice you. For looking been you've organization mysterious the of member a be he could?

Do you will what?

Watch your watch - but which one?

Yes... should you keep a closer eye on the Night Watch, or the Day Watch? You know the leak came from one of them, but you can only reasonably investigate one at a time. You'd better make your choice carefully.

Which shall it be?

That witch is which.

You point to your ex-wife and accuse her of the murder. She is appalled.

"Honestly! I know we don't get on well any more, but a murderer? I thought you were a better man than that."

The other guests are glaring at you. If you're going to prove she's the murderer, you'd better show them some strong evidence, before your reputation is ruined...

Who put the bomp in the bomp bomp shu bomp?

You tell the director that you've decided to take on the case of who put the bomp in the bomp bomp shu bomp.

"Very well," he says. "We suspect extraterrestrial involvement in this case. We theorize that an alien agent sent it as a message, but we don't know which faction it was intended for or what it's supposed to mean. That's where you come in."

He points to a map.

"There are three cities of particular interest. As you're a senior agent, I'll allow you the first choice of which to investigate. Make your selection, and then I'll assign agents to the other two."

You look at the three cities: Wobbopadoobop, Doobedoobedoo, and Walla Walla. Which one will you investigate?

In Soviet Russia, adventure update YOU!

IN A.D. 2101, UPDATE WAS BEGINNING.

> do the rudebox, shake the rudebox

Go to hell.

In Soviet Russia, adventure update YOU!

Ah, of course. That explains the strange changes to your body - your adventure has been updating you since you arrived here in Russia.

Clearly, you have only two options for stopping these transformations. You can either find some way out of Russia, or you can overthrow the Communist government so that you're no longer in Soviet Russia. Either way, you'll have to move fast - there's no telling what your adventure will do to you with its next "update".

IN A.D. 2101, UPDATE WAS BEGINNING.

HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN.

ALL YOUR UPDATE ARE BELONG TO US.

YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME.

WHAT YOU WILL DO?

> do the rudebox, shake the rudebox

"Hey! What are you doing, jerkface? Put me down! Quit shaking!"

The rudebox doesn't seem to appreciate your attempts to shake it, but then again, it doesn't seem to appreciate anything else you do either. You can't help but feel this thing was a waste of money.

Suddenly, a police officer runs up and grabs your arm!

"All right, pal, you're under arrest for rudebox abuse! Honestly, the things people think they can get away with in public these days. Now come along quietly, mister."

Great. This stupid rudebox is just causing more trouble. What are you going to do now?

Go to hell.

You look over the portals several times, then decide to take the one to Hell. You're sure that the Artichoke of Destiny will be there!

You find yourself falling towards a pit of fire. You're beginning to wonder if maybe it would have been better to make some preparations before entering the portal. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20 and all that. So what's the plan now?

Sit down, read, relax.

>Attempt to consume Ms Fogarty's christmas cake.

> Finish that Olaf fan fiction.

Finish construction of your Hyper Stabmotron.

Overthrow the Soviet government and return to some semblance of consistency.

Sit down, read, relax.

Operation order selected: Sit down, read, relax.
Executing operation: "Sit down"
Processing... Processing...
Object required: "Chair"
Error: Chair not present in current location.
Recommendation: Select operations "Locate chair", "Move towards chair"
Operation cancelled.
Please enter a new series of operations.

>Attempt to consume Ms Fogarty's christmas cake.

Of course! That's how you'll defeat your mirror twin! There's no way he'll be able to stomach one of Ms. Fogarty's cakes!

You consume the cake, and he consumes the mirror version. Both of you soon feel sick.

But the mirror-man was only created a few seconds ago. His stomach muscles haven't learned the tricks that yours have.

He soon falls over, unconscious, while you simply vomit all over him. It was unpleasant, but the mirror link is now broken. You can finally get past him and claim the Magic Mirror.

Now that you finally have this amazing artifact, what are you going to do with it?

> Finish that Olaf fan fiction.

Ah, yes, your greatest work. The story where Olaf the Stout and Olaf of Blue Moon team up and fight the forces of evil.

It will be a masterpiece. There's just one problem - you haven't decided on who the villain behind the scheme should be. Just who is most suited to be a challenging opponent for our brave Olafs?

Finish construction of your Hyper Stabmotron.

You allocate $2000 of your income this week to the Hyper Stabmotron project. You'll have it available for next week's mission, and you can now research the Giga Stabmotron and the Stabmotron Micro DX.

You still have $13000 to invest. What will you spend it on? Or will you save it for next week?

Overthrow the Soviet government and return to some semblance of consistency.

Russia is now yours. You breathe a sigh of relief. Things are back to normal.

You were worried about that last dice roll, but it came up your way. The Risk board is now set up to your preferred position. You've never lost after making it this far.

Of course, that doesn't mean you can relax completely. This opponent is a crafty one. He's about to take his turn, but before he does, perhaps there's something you can do to throw him off his game?

Fire! Fire!

Have you ever read A Series of Unfortunate Events?

Give carrot

>Hugh Laurie

>Hugh Laurie

seconded