The thread for flipping shits (and tables)

"The type of the file system is FAT."
wow that's rude

Yeah not only has it dicked up my coursework it turns up that my computer is also a fat shamer?
I thought better of it

Why can't i sleep for more than three hours straight?

Yeah, Humans are pretty screwed up.

i peed myself a little

let me tell you about my commute

so it's all pretty normal, class got out fifteen minutes early, and then i will take the 46 bus to the metro station and then 37 bus to the entrance to my neighborhood and then a five minute walk home.

Except, the first 37 bus leaves the station at 4:00 and it is currently 2:45 so, I decide I'll take the 46 halfway to the combinationpizzahutandtacobell. And I'm super excited but by the time I actually get there all enthusiasm dies.

Side note: On the way there, these scary gangstery looking dudes get on and go all the way to the back where I'm sitting. I mean that's fine but one of them was that guy I told you guys about in december, the one that asked me for money and scared me into giving him 20 dollars. And that guy sits RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, and would definitely see me if he just turns his head 90 degrees, but thankfully he either ignored me or didn't recognize me or didn't notice me or something and they left later, leaving me unharassed.

The menu says quesadilla and drink for 4.29 so I say "i'll take a chicken quesadilla' and the cash register says 3.50 or something and WHOA that's not right!
Oh
They forgot the drink! Better remind them!
Except I don't actually need to get a drink, all i wanted food, but I saw the price was different and I fixed it- but it didn't need to be fixed! Ugh. So now I've got my food and a huge empty cup, and then I go to the bathroom.
So after eating my food and drinking like a liter of fruit punch (i can't just waste the buck i spent on that cup, can I?) I get on the 46 bus again and I arrive at the metro station at 4:05 or something

Dammit. That means I missed the 4 o'clock bus back home. That's okay, sometimes the bus it a little late and I'm not too late either. But it looks like the 4 o'clock bus came on time and has already left, so that's fine, a bus comes every thirty minutes and I can wait to 4:30.

So around 4:30, it turns out I need to pee. And like, 5 busses have slowly approached from the distance, and half of them reveal themselves to be route 96 once they get close enough. I'm rather envious of that stupid route, who's busses come every five minutes, and so damn often that there's sometimes two of them parked at the station waiting for their turn to leave.
But anyways, as I've said, the bus is a little late sometimes so the 4:30 should be here soon.

Twenty five minutes later, I'm getting so damned pissed (literally, sort of) at all the busses that are approaching and turning out to be route 96. Oh look that bus, you can tell by the outside that it's the model without comfy chairs and multiple stories! The 37s are usually like that! But nope! It's a 96 too! They're all 96!

Finally at 4:53, one of the 96 busses that have been parked there since 4:40 turns its lights on and suprisingly, WAIT THAT'S NO 96 IT'S A 37! So it drives closer to its actual stop and I get on, and then the bus driver leaves. Oh. This isn't the 4:30 bus that is unreasonably late, it's the 5 o fucking clock one. So 7 minutes later, it's finally time to leave and I REALLY need to pee now.

But hey it's not all bad! I was afraid that the bus would just drive right by my neighborhood even if I push the button to signal it to stop, like has happened like 5 times before. But it didn't and it let me out where I needed to, so hey, just a five minute walk to go!

On the way, a severed squirrel tail sitting on the side of the road momentarily distracts my concentration, almost making me piss myself.

One minute from my house and I'm scrunching up my face and waddling and I'm getting closer, almost there-
but the ten feet before the actual toilet is the hardest part and as soon as I stop waddling, struggle to unlock the door and take a step in, i pee myself a little and then i run into the toilet and undo my belt and ah i peed myself a little again and now i can finally sit on the toilet and spout curse words.

fuckin asldkfjals;kdfj

should've gone to the bathroom twice at the combination pizza hut and taco bell
shouldn't have gotten a drink in the first place

At least you were home when it happened.

Needing a bathroom and not having access to one is my biggest fear.

Crowstone, your harrowing tale serves as a reminder to us all.

Spoilered for Internet Drama.

SpoilerShow

So right now, there's a fair number of Eagle Timers going through particularly rough times. We even have a couple of severe cases.

It's tough for me. I'm worried about a number of people right now, and I feel like there's so little I can do. I have my own problems, of course, but day-to-day I'm doing more or less fine. Some people aren't. I try to comfort them in what small ways I can, but on the whole I feel powerless.

And on top of all that, an argument broke out.

The argument itself wasn't that big of a deal to me. I was a little upset with some of the places it went to, but I don't have any interest in dwelling on that at this point.

It's what it lead to that saddens me. That argument kind of brought out some things that had been simmering under the surface, and now two other people haven't talked to me since that night.

I miss them both.

And I hate having this weigh on my mind when other people are working through worse problems. It just feels like such a minor thing in comparison, but it also feels like there's nothing I can do about it.

Well, problems are still problems even when other people have worse problems. I don't know the details, but it sounds like a decent-sized problem! Pretty reasonable for it to weigh on your mind.
I mean, the last thing you want is to feel bad about feeling bad. Right? That doesn't do anybody any good.

Well, it's been a fair few days since my life fell apart. Typing this now, I seem awfully well adjusted and perfectly calm, right? Not about to sit for a full half an hour just staring into space whispering 'I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you' for no one to hear?

-=-=-=-

Sorry. I spaced out for a bit there. I don't think I can keep writing.

-=-=-=-

I came out to my parents.

It didn't go well.

-=-=-=-

My parents, being conservative christians, i suppose you could say they flipped out? But honestly they took it pretty calmly. And then they prayed. And then they said, 'Don't worry, we'll find some way to cure you.'

-=-=-=-

That was fun.

-=-=-=-

/me INT. DAY. A painting on the wall, depicting a road vanishing into the horizon. Halfway to the vanishing point, day turns abruptly into night, and streetlamps flare into being a little way further down the road from this terminator. There is a figure kneeling in the road just beyond Day and just into Night, but before the lamps have been lighted. Its head is in its hands. A suitcase lies, toppled over, on the road next to the figure, heavily battered and worn. It looks like a heavy burden, but the figure will not leave its side. The painting, being a painting, does not move.

-=-=-=-

Ahahahaha, you all think I'm being stupid, or surrealist! A bloody liberal arts student! I'm an engineer! An engineer! We're not supposed to have any imagination!

-=-=-=-

I suppose I'm not in the best of ways. You know what the worst part is?

-=-=-=-

Better go back to the beginning.

i

-=-=-=-

Well, Mother dearest just called me in for a chat. She tells me she's sorry for not raising me right or figuring out there was something wrong with me. 'Don't worry. You'll be all right. We'll find a way to make this right.'

I don't know what's worse, this conviction that there's something wrong with me, or the conviction that it's her fault. It's not. It has nothing to do with the way I was raised.

-=-=-=-

Writing this is taking longer than I expected. Or maybe I expected this all along.

I wasn't going to tell them. Ever. Maybe one day, when I was fully independent. Fucking churchgoers. Tipped them off. Took it upon themselves to report an immorality and cleanse an innocent of their sin. Fucking holy men. Holier-than-thou men, more like.

Yes, I am Etiyr. SURPRISE!

Praying's easy once you get the knack of it!

1) Close your eyes
2) Say things and mean them!
3) ???
4) PROFIT!

Or, in reality:

4) Subscribe whatever happens next to divine will, much in the manner of observational bias and/or gambler's fallacy, and have fun in heaven.

Fairly sure heaven would be a place where you'd be brainwashed to desire nothing else in existence but to worship Our Glorious Creator. Then again, you can only get into heaven if your only desire is that in the first place, so way to dodge a human rights bullet, heaven? You must have some sick lawyers ahahahaha yeah, no.

Getting sidetracked. Maybe I don't want to talk about this after all.

-=-=-=-

INT. DAY. A chair, not unlike a dentist's, but without the blinding light above. The fixture is there, but it appears that the bulb and reflector have been torn out, and frayed wires have been crudely spliced into an unpleasant dome-shaped helmet. Two DOCTORS, muttering soothing words: 'remember, this is for your own good,' 'you'll be better after this,' escorting a clearly-drugged AGEN, who moves in a stumbling stupor. Even so, getting the subject into the chair and strapped down is a challenge, as despite the DOCTORS' urgings AGEN obviously is resisting with as much strength as can be mustered. The DOCTORS prevail, however, and the subject is restrained without much furor.

DOCTOR

This might hurt a tiny bit, but remember, dear, this will make you all better.

The device is lowered onto AGEN's head. One DOCTOR switches on a console where the dentist's tools would have hung. A buzzing fills the room. The other DOCTOR looks into AGEN's eyes.

DOCTOR

Now, what's normal?

AGEN

I am! There's nothing wrong with-

The DOCTOR at the console flicks a switch. AGEN yelps.

AGEN

I'm not abnormal! This has nothing to do with normal and-

A turn of a knob; the flick of a switch again. AGEN twitches with the jolt this time, arms twisting in their leather restraints.

DOCTOR[losing all pretense of gentleness]

Don't make this hard on yourself. What's normal?

AGEN

[in between gasps]Gender - conformation - has nothing - to do with normality! Can't you understand that? Why can't you-

AGEN screams this time.

-=-=-=-

Maybe that's not what aversion therapy will be like. Maybe it'll be all rainbows and puppies and definitely not a method of torture routinely used for brainwashing. Maybe it'll never come up! Maybe they don't do that anymore!

I sure as fuck am not going to find out.

-=-=-=-

so alone

-=-=-=-

When you live in a place where everyone you know is connected to you by tenuous strings of electronic communication, and no one can reach out and save you, and all you can do is try to save yourself...

Tell me that's not showing independence, mother, father.

-=-=-=-

So now I'm here in HK, away from uni in Australia, with my summer semester ticking down and semester 1 starting in a month.

My parents have no intention of sending me back. They want me here, under their looking-glass and thumb, with their chloroform and drawing pins, electroshock and therapists. They want me here, where they can prod and poke me until they're satisfied I'll never be abnormal, or unique, ever again.

They have no intention of letting me complete my degree, or allowing me to have a future.

Every day will be like the last, identical but worse.

That's no life at all.

That's not a life worth living.

I'm so very close to convincing myself not to bother.

-=-=-=-

You know what the worst thing is? To trap me, to get me to fly away from anyone who could or would help me, and trap me in the country where I have had no one, no allies, no friends nor support systems save the family I can no longer trust, they told me that my grandmother was sick.

She's fine.

They lied.
they lied.
they lied
they lied
they lied
they lied
they lied
can't
can't
can't trust they lied they lied they lied to me they abused my love my trust they abused it, what, do they think i betrayed theirs by not telling them that i was different from their visions of perfect offspring? how could i tell them? i'd rather they have died not knowing! they lied they lied to me they lied they lied can't trust them can't trust them anymore nothing they say can be taken at its face value got to dig deep and then you realize the whole rotten core of intolerance and prejudice they lied they lied they lied they lied they lied they lied they took what hope i had and they're destroying it they lied they lied they lied they lied they can't they did they shouldn't they did they wouldn't they did they betrayed me they lied they lied they lied they lied

there is fucking

nothing wrong

with me

agennnn
can you take this to court
i don't know if you have a case or not but.... you're an adult they can't legally trap you anywhere if you haven't committed a crime, yeah?

don't even think about hurting yourself or letting them take you to any form of therapy

don't trust your family, they tricked you once already.

Consider running away immediately.......

Be very careful in what you decide to do- my advice may not be the best.

I hope you get somewhere safe and that I get to hear from you again..... <3

Agen,
Have you tried talking to them? I mean REALLY talking to them? I can see how talking to them is probably the last thing you want to do. If it were me, I'm not sure I'd be able to stand being in the same room as them. But they're not malevolent, right? They're not motivated by malice. I suspect they're scared, confused, panicky, and trying to deal with something that is entirely outside the sphere of what they know how to deal with. So they aren't coping well, and they're doing awful things, but that doesn't mean they're incapable of acceptance, if you explain your position to them. Maybe you can win them over?
I mean, if you get at least one of them on your side, that changes the social dynamic drastically. Who in your family is most sympathetic?
It's worth a try. That's what I think. If you really, honestly can't get through to them, then yeah, you should probably get out of there! But give them a chance to redeem themselves and fix their mistakes, and they might just take it. Which would be the best, happiest ending to the situation, wouldn't it? Worst case scenario, you're probably no worse off than you were before.

If that fails, try contacting your friends at Uni - maybe they can help get you back there? Don't give up, there are always solutions!

yes listen to seawyrm that is also very smart

Not to be discouraging but people like that usually refuse to change their minds, i guess it's still worth a shot though i wouldn't be surprised if they simply don't listen.

I'm just baffled there's therapy for that.

I'm really sorry, Agen. I wish there was something we could do to help you but for now all we can do is be here for you :(

I hope you find a way to resolve this in the least distressing manner soon.

I am dubious on the merit of further talking, but trying to contact someone at Uni is a good idea.
I do not know what the laws are like where you are, how much control do your parents still have at your age if you get out of their house? Do they have power over your bank account or student loan (if you got one) ?
Can they legally pull you out of school without your consent if you get away? Would you be able to stay in whatever student accommodation you were previously using?

Agen have you considered trying to go to the Australian embassy/consulate in Hong Kong? I don't know what your situation is like at present, but it's pretty likely you could make a case for seeking asylum (apparently the US grants automatic asylum for similar cases, don't know if Australia's different but it's likely to be somewhat similar), most Western nations are pretty likely to be willing to help, and the fact that you're studying there probably helps as well. I don't know if that's even a possibility but it's worth looking into, at the very least as a last resort.

Hey, maybe talking to them won't work. Still worth a shot, right?
I have heard stories of families changing their minds on these issues. I think it can happen. I also think that if it clearly won't, then don't waste your time on it - but don't give up on the idea until you've given it a good try!
Even if you can only patch things up a little bit. Even if you make no progress at all, in which case you can at least say you gave them a fair chance.
Of course, that's just what I think. I could be way off. I mean, I have no personal experience to draw on, here. I just want to help somehow!


...but don't seriously try to "drill this into their heads", that won't convince anyone of anything.

I would just say <3 but my message has to be longer than 5 characters.

<3<3<3

There have been winter storms and icy times all across the country the last week or so. This makes driving a dangerous thing resulting in over-the-road trucks likely to stay in to prevent accidents and some roads being closed or trafficked up to hell because of car pile-ups. Mountain driving in winter (which, if the thing you ordered came from the east ) is especially dangerous since you have long downgrades and icy roads meaning unstoppable 20 ton deathmobiles unable to use brakes.

neither rain nor snow god dammit

they can damn well run those other stupid jerk cars off the road

hello, eagle time. i know it seems like i dont care about most of you (but i do) and i know you feel the same way about me but imma flip my shit here anyways.

its been one and a half years since i entered my current college. i feel like i have made no friends or relationships. sure, there are people i can talk to but we never talk beyond the surface. there are no other people who share my interests, they just party, most of the time. ive always wanted to transfer but im scared to because this college is the only one ive been able to get a full ride in, and i do have one really good friend here. but, only one. and we dont really share many interests anyways. and im still trying to discover myself and i dont really know yet. i want a meaningful relationship as well but there seems to be no guy thats right for me (im gay btw) and its getting frustrating. i know im an introvert but ive been getting less and less social lately and its gotten to the point where im downright mistrustful of others, always branding them names like "partying frat jock", etc. i hate this about myself, i want to be able to make friends again. i dont even know what normal people talk about anymore. i want to talk to other people but i dont know where to begin and i dont want to go to a party to do so. and my college is not very big-name so theres a lot of regrets about going here as opposed to, say, an ivy league school.

so uh yeah. i mean, i dont know what advice you can give but anything helps here.

I can at least offer sympathy! I felt very similarly in college. I know what it's like to be frustrated by not feeling like anyone has anything in common with you, and that everyone's a partying frat jock.

Do you have any sorts of activity clubs at your college? All of the people I became friends with I either met through Tabletop Roleplaying Guild, or my major. (Computer Science geeks tend to have a lot in common, and our major was a small major in a small college, so your mileage may vary.) (Also, my freshman roommate was a cool guy, but he ended up joining my roleplaying games anyway.) The good thing about those clubs is that you at least know that everyone there has THAT interest in common with you. And presumably it's a club for something you enjoy doing but can't do by yourself, so at least you'll have other people to do that thing with.

I wouldn't worry about what "normal people" talk about. If it's not what you want to talk about, then don't talk about it. My experience in college was that by the time I was a senior, there weren't any normal people left anyway. Besides, if all you do is talk about stuff that pretends to interest you because it's what normal people talk about, you'll end up with some pretty lame and worthless friendships. Talk about what really interests you and see who listens.

Oh, and as far as changing schools is concerned, if you've always wanted to transfer then you should transfer! Don't trap yourself in a college you don't like! I mean, I don't know what your financial situation is, but you can at least try to get in somewhere else - worst case, they reject you or can't give you the money you need, and you're no worse off. And the fact that you're in somewhere and have a full ride is probably a bargaining chip you can use. Tell them "I'd like to go to your school, but I have a full ride here" and see what happens.

On the other hand, maybe I'm not one to give advice? I did find some friends, but was largely a hermit in college. So I'm not exactly a stellar example of social triumph. I think this is all good advice, though.
I don't know jack squat about meaningful relationships. I'm eternally single and likely to remain that way until I learn how to build sapient robots.

I second joining a club. I just joined a writing club the other day, and it's been great for me. I have a place where I can just go and write and talk about writing.

It helps a lot to meet people who share your interests, because it gives you something to talk about right away. That's a big help.

I'd third joining a club. I know from experience that making friends from classes, unless they have five or so classes with you, is difficult as hell - especially when it comes to class time and you actually have to learn as opposed to socialize. Clubs are fun, a way to meet people outside of the classroom, and ultimately those people who you share interests with are going to end up your social circle as opposed to how it was in secondary education where your classmates were who you met and that was it.

Also, I'd advise asking around if there's a queer space on campus; it's usually standard practice for a university to have safe spaces for people not in the great straight cis majority - but then again this is amurrica, land of the same, so I don't know for sure. If there isn't one, you should totally suggest that the uni start one as a student society, or start it yourself! You'd be doing a great service. But anyway it'd be a great way to meet people as well.

Finally, dance various popular songs naked in the courtyard with only a banana peel on. That'd get you lots of attention!

I have a JOB now. This means I can get one of those "salaries" things that so many people rave about.
My bank accounts will be overflowing into the streets.


Nevermind that now I have basically no free time for working on my projects and I have to get up at stupid o'clock in the morning and have to sit around writing code for someone else, to someone else's specifications, and every day will be exactly the same forever and ever even though that drove me into a state of horrid, frustrated depression back when it was only school and I got out at three and had different classes to go to and didn't I promise myself when I was younger that I would never let myself fall into this trap arrgh why oh why BUT HEY, MONEY! I'm a productive member of society now! Woo!

No, but really, I'm trying to see this as an opportunity. There are lots of people who would kill to have a job even remotely like mine. And I get a pretty good salary doing something I enjoy, probably. And maybe I'll learn something about C++ development? I mean, it won't drive me into a spiral of depression right away, right? I've got at least a couple of months before that happens.
I've been trying to find a job for months now, gorramit! This is supposed to be a good thing!