The 2am thread

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Wow I can actually post in this thread!

Gosh I have been so gosh-blasted busy these past few weeks, and I am supposed to go give a talk tomorrow afternoon, and I still don't have it all written! I probably could have managed my time better but hoo boy am I going to be glad when I am done with this and only have two different full-time things to do at once.

Probably not going to sleep tonight! Wish me luck!

I have no idea how to create to a gamemaker game that uses online multiplayer (A feature for a strictly two-player game I want to make (That's TWO Wheat, TWO)), and a good bit into the adventure of figuring out how I just straight up gave up, told myself it was over my head.

But I came back to it, and really slowed down with my reading on it. I have no idea if I will actually conquer it, but I have to say I feel a lot more optimistic when I go into it with the humbleness of knowing I don't know what I'm doing but without the self-doubt that I can't learn it. Slowing down and reading sentences twice if I need to has definitely helped me feel like I'm making progress.

posting here 'cause I can. accidentally missed sleep and remembered that this was a thing.

was planning to stay up just a little bit until I got dragged into a lengthy discussion with friends about VR. this just proves that I am super psyched about VR.

its really cool how playing video game with my friends is like literally all thats staving me off of wanting to live in a pit of deep and inescapable misery and that hurts me every day and how i cant talk about any of it or do anything about it and my family only makes it worse on every single thing they do

and not only that but i have to deal with how i feel with myself so its like "oh im fake im shittheres nothing wrong with me im fine" despite constant constant constant proof that i dont think the same that i am not like other people that im Fucked Up and being here doesnt help and only hurts and actively prevents me from being able to do anything lmao lmao lmao

why dont i do a job why dont i do anything why dont i try to do anything its because when im like this when im separated from ffxiv (where i play with friends) or when im alone the only thing i feel is hurt and sadness and its honestly pathetic but what can you do lmao

im only happy when im with other people and everything else is me biding my time for when i get to be with other people but it only works in specific circumstances and if im not playing and having fun with someone else i feel like absolute shit and thers nothing i can do about it because im in a horrible household

its literally a mistake to rely on a constantly changing giant mmo game for the ability to feel like lifes worth living but thats an exaggeration since i play other games with jac and stuff and i like just talking to jac and stuff but its like, theres no other options here, trying to do anything to make myself feel better doesnt work

id rather die than go back to school or work while here, mostly because, if i do ill die anyway

Being an adult is such bullshit I don't even

Hello 2am it's been a while

Deens is still catching up on his tumblr dash after ~ 16 hours of traveling, the fool

I've always wanted to post in the 2am thread

it's 2:02 am and i've definitely had better nights

this is good though:

shit that was posted at 2:03 am

i'm telling you, i've had better nights

who could've expected the ides of march to be so terrible

3:12, seriously can't sleep

i haven't felt this shitty for this long since high school. nearly lay on the floor in a fit of self-pity/self-loathing, and yeah i'm aware it's ridiculous

i wish i could stop thinking

i don't regret acting like an ass today, at least not yet. i'm still feeling spiteful. it's not justifiable or right, but it's how i feel. still disgusted with myself, just in general

i'm sick of how bleak everything is. i want to get away

you know what's stupid? when i'm not feeling good i can't stand other people acting happy. like i expect the world to revolve around me

i don't think being self-aware about it makes it any better

i think i'm becoming more detached from people

i don't want to be