Post your gross kitchens

Schazer I kind of hate my kitchen and I have self-reinforcing feedback loops that dissuade me from stepping in there
Fake same
Paranoia I never ever want to go into my kitchen.
Schazer I will /probably/ clean up my kitchen this weekend?

10:20 Paranoia schazer: here is a deal. we will take photos of our crappy kitchens this monday and post them for the world to see, so if they're still places we don't want to be the world will know why and judge us accordingly.
10:20 Schazer fuck
10:20 Schazer ok Para it's a deal

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I bitch a lot about the corner of my apartment that is charitably called a kitchen, and now, thanks to Para, I'm going to give you guys a tour on Monday.

Failure to do so designates me as a FALLEN EANGLE and probably means I have to accept dares/challenges/etc from anyone who wants to have a go at me. Cleaning the kitchen by Monday is not a required part of completing the challenge, but let's face it I am too prideful to show you photos of a shitty kitchen that's made even shittier by my active neglect.

Also Para has basically agreed to the above terms, and accepts to be a similar target of ridicule as soon as he posts his acknowledgement in the thread.

In the interim, post your shitty kitchen or kindly up the stakes by insinuating what, exactly, I'll have to do if I chicken out on this.

I obviously agree to these terms.

If either of you fail, I will challenge you to make a to-be-determined, but assuredly delicious recipe and take pictures of the preparation process, thus showing us the kitchen that you failed to show us anyways.

Now that I'm back in the family home, the kitchen is usully spotless so that mum doesn't burst a vein. Ill take a photo next time I bake a pie though. Its amazing how far a little flour can spread

(i tend to cook when I'm home alone only so no one sees my secret shame)

Hold a pair of TruckNutz over the stove

I will paint a picture of a pair of TruckNutz, America edition. You will tape that onto a doorframe as some sort of mistletoe. Or Nuzzletoe.

Hold a pair of TruckNutz over the stove

I don't know if I can buy TruckNutz over here, I will do this if you send me some

I should get a credit card for times like this.

Unfortunately, it compromises my principles.

dare has been edited

We just cleaned ours. I'll take a picture next time it gets gross and use it to force both of us to clean it.

Since i know that Para loves food and to a lesser extent i assume that schazer eats food from a kitchen, i would like you both to clean you kitchens THEN cook some pancakes in the shape of eagle.

Now back to being invisible you can thank para for kicking my ass to get me to post.

Thanks Para

Monday, Japan 10pm, I am now invoking the "it's always Monday somewhere on the Internet" clause and giving myself an extension until tomorrow afternoon. This technically means I've failed to do the thing by Monday, so I'll happily undertake the previously-requested SHAME GAMES and frame Credit's painting of Trucknutz, cook something as requested by Sai, and make eagle-shaped pancakes.

Seeing as this was as much an exercise about getting my damn kitchen (and by extension apartment) clean as it was about complaining about shitty kitchenette-ette ergonomics, I'll at least boast having done the following:

-I've cleaned my windows, mirrors, car windows where the tape hadn't come off, and anything else that seemed conducive to freshly-purchased glass cleaner.
-I've stuck posters back on my walls.
-I cleaned off my bed, did three loads of laundry, and put away 95% of my non-work clothes.
-I cleaned out my rice cooker, the little basket with cleaning supplies sitting in the kitchen, and put a pot of water on the boil with a stick of cinnamon in it.
-Perhaps most importantly, I've made myself a cup of tea. It's Hawkes Bay Nectarine and it's fucking delicious.

All right, so for the recipe, I know I have to pick something that -
Requires no oven or microwave
Is (reasonably) low effort
Tastes good

This limits our options a bit, but luckily I have just the dish. Introducing - Omelette Burgers.

You will need -
½ lb Ground Beef
4 Eggs
Cheddar Cheese + Cheese Grater (or shredded cheese for minimal effort)
Cannister of Tears (Schazer may substitute sea salt)
Garlic Powder
1 Onion
Other Vegetables (Spinach and Mushrooms are great)
Big Sharp Knife
Bread (Hamburger buns or choice of bread. I’ve found that prepackaged French Toast goes great with these)
First Aid Kit with Bandages
Frying Pan
Butter
Hands
Fork
Bowl

Step 1)
Butter and heat your Frying Pan. Use your hands to divide the ½ lb Ground Beef into two burgers whose shape corresponds to your bread. They should be roughly half an inch thick.

Step 2)
Add the burgers to the pan. Add tears (or salt) and garlic powder.

Step 3)
Wash your hands. They’re covered in beef fat.

Step 4)
While the burgers cook, take your Big Sharp Knife and start cutting your onion and other vegetables. Do not cut yourself.

Step 5)
What did I just say? Wave your injured hand around, spraying blood across your kitchen. Then remember the First Aid Kit with Bandages that you prepared for just this purpose. Don’t cry on the burgers, this side is already salted.

Step 6)
Flip the burgers. They should be dark brown on the bottom and stay together when lifted with a fork. Add tears (or salt) and garlic powder to the cooked side.

Step 7)
Finish cutting your vegetables without incident.

Step 8)
Remove the burgers and add your vegetables to the beefy oil already in the pan. This will flavor them and make them unhealthy. Add the onions first (and mushrooms, if you have them) as they take the longest to cook.

Step 9)
Start toasting your bread

Step 10)
Whisk the eggs in a bowl with your fork until they are scrambled.

Step 11)
Pour the scrambled eggs over your vegetables.

Step 12)
Grate your medium cheddar cheese over your eggs. Baby, you’ve got an omelette!

Step 13)
Try to flip your omelette. It’s okay if you can’t.

Step 14)
Extract your omelette from the pan and divide into two roughly equal pieces. Fold it until it fits inside of the bread.

Step 15)
Put your omelette on top of your burgers. Eat hot.

you forgot the lime and sumac

Do you have any idea how much cholesterol is in 4 eggs? If I ate 4 eggs and beef and WHITE BREAD in one sitting, people would think i'd have gone nuts.

Oh wait Schazer lost the bet. Np then.

Step 3)
Wash/Lick your hands. They’re covered in beef fat.

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